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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by the amount of time I am losing off work for maternity appointments?

85 replies

Hippolyta20 · 07/12/2012 11:13

Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to be pregnant. I am a first time Mum and I want what is best for my baby and my family. The only thing is, why does that have to mean missing SO much time of work?!

I also think we are very lucky to have an NHS and am greatful that the staff are doing their best with little resources but seriously, where is the common sense?

When I was just 3 and a half weeks I asked my doctor I could take peppermint oil because I was a bit bloated. He thought I could have an eptopic pregnancy (no other symptoms, only hurt before needing the loo (sorry). Que a scan and blood tests every other day for a week (3 days off work). Tried to say I was fine and didn't think it was necessary but got told I needed to get my priorites right and didn't I care about my baby.

Then on Monday this week, went for anomoly scan. Appointments are half an hour but in the middle of the day so had to miss a full day off work. Baby didn't move enough to check everything but at half hour on the dot told that was my time up and would have to come back on Thursday so went back again. (Another day off).

Then yesterday they weren't sure if there was quite enough fluid (75mm compared to 85mm). Probably ok but not enough time to re-measure. This means have to go back again next week Wednesday. Will need to see the consultant afterwards so another full day.

Now I do care very much that everything is ok but is this not a bit daft? If the appointment could have been an hour, I would only have missed one day instead of (at least) three? There were also 2-3 nurses/midwifes/doctors at every appointment so is it really stretched resources?

Concerns are I guess:

  • I am self employed so if I don't work I don't get paid! Have to provide for the baby as well as scan it!
  • How much is this costing the economy?! If I was employed, my employer would have to have paid me 6 full days for doing nothing!
  • How much is this putting people off employing women? If you had a man and a women apply for a job and they were equally as qualified would this not make you nervous about employing the women? Isn't this bad for us overall?

Am I the only one frustrated by this? The doctors reaction when I said I was worried about missing another day off work made me think everyone else is happy taking as much time off as possible? That can't be the case can it?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/12/2012 11:16

An hour an appointment means they can only see about 8 people a day. As most appointments will take nowhere near that length of time it will lead to very long waits and a staff with nothing to do.

I can see its frustrating but really you have to go with it. People would complain if things weren't followed up and now your complaining they are. They really can't win can they!

WilsonFrickett · 07/12/2012 11:19

If you had had a missed eptopic you could have died. Does that make you feel any better about the exceptional care you've been given?

BumpingFuglies · 07/12/2012 11:22

I think I'd be grateful that things were being checked so carefully. Maybe you should not have chosen to get pregnant if you were unable to take the time needed for appointments?

WingDefence · 07/12/2012 11:23

I'm 28 weeks pg with my second child and I haven't had to have as many appointments as you.

The only time it's affected me work-wise so far was for my nuchal scan. Luckily I'd booked it for 9am but they were running late, then the baby wasn't in the right position so it took much longer (they set aside 45 mins I think), then after that I had to wait another 45 mins for an ante-natal appointment I hadn't been told would be happening and in the end (with travel) I lost over half a day. I was frustrated because I had a teleconference that afternoon and only just made it back home (I work from home).

But saying all this, I'm not self-employed and I was annoyed that day. As you are self-employed I can totally see how frustrating it is for you so YANBU.

TarkaTheOtter · 07/12/2012 11:25

Why do you need to miss a full day of work for a 1/2hr appointment? I'd have thought most people would only need an hour or so off.

If you had an employer I think they would suggest you were taking the piss having a full day off. Even if it's in the middle if the day you could work before and after.

givemeaclue · 07/12/2012 11:27

Why are you taking a full day off work? Normally people attend work before and after the appointments

givemeaclue · 07/12/2012 11:28

Your employer would not pay you six full days he you were employed, they would expect you in work before and after your appointments

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 07/12/2012 11:35

YABU these processes are to protect you and your baby. I've been annoyed when having to wait 3hrs in the ante natal clinic after being told to come in at the wrong time for an emergency growth scan. But after the hormones have settled down I've realised that all that matters is a healthy baby. And I'm self employed, don't work, don't get paid. Tough shit I just have to be more careful with my money.

forevergreek · 07/12/2012 11:38

Book later appointments. Then you can work most the day at leave at say 4pm. Or book first appointment and go in after. Just say you can't do middle of the day appointments

hermioneweasley · 07/12/2012 11:39

Of course most people are happy to take as much time as needed - employees are entitled to paid time off for ante natal appointments! I can understand why you are frustrated.

kilmuir · 07/12/2012 11:40

if youare self employed, why can't you make the time up in the evening? very odd

Original poster
Hippolyta20 · 07/12/2012 11:42

I have to travel to work (about 1 1/2 hours each way) hospital 45mins in the other direction so nearly 4.5/5 hour round trip from hospital to work with parking. Then the appointment itself. There is very little local work in the current economy.

Surprised a bit by comments. Not meaning to "take the piss" and a bit harsh shouldn't have got pregnant!

I am just trying hard to pay to support my own family and finding it hard losing so much income. If I had loads of spare cash it wouldn't be an issue but I don't.

I guess I could go on to beneifts but I want to work. Just finding it hard to juggle both.

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 11:44

You are bothered because they are concerned enough for you and your child to check properly?

I sensed in one of my pregnancies that something was wrong, I got quick 10 minute appointments and was told to be less paranoid.

My daughter was born unable to move and almost every one of her bones was broken, she died 2 weeks later.

You should be fucking grateful they are checking properly, I am quite disgusted by your attitude actually.

sparkle12mar08 · 07/12/2012 11:44

I used to live in Herts but work in London and couldn't 'work from home', so yes I would lose a whole day everytime I had an appointment - round here you get given a time they have available, you can't choose, and if it's the middle of the day, tough.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 07/12/2012 11:45

You have received fantastic care and are upset about missing work. Wow!!!

Would you rather that they didn't follow up on possible problems?

There is just no pleasing some people.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 07/12/2012 11:45

You must have exceptionally bad time management skills, if you repeatedly get appointments in the middle of the day, and have to take a whole day off! Hmm
Why can you not make it up in the evening?
It is not as if you have a child to pick up from school/nursery and who keeps you busy the entire evening?

GaryBuseysTeeth · 07/12/2012 11:47

If it's annoying you that much don't go to the appointments and keep your fingers crossed you deliver a healthy, live & happy baby.

JingleBellsRawSharkSmells · 07/12/2012 11:52

Erm well if people stopped having children it would cost the economy a lot more as there would be less future tax to fund the system. And less people to employ.

Like to think employers are not as blinkered as you seem to be.

I always made up the time and was fleixble with my employer, didn't haev to but I'm at a level where I thought it was reasonable to. And I had weekly check-ups always 45-60 minutes late - used to use the waiting time to review documents. When they need me to I do extra hours, and I am more loyal (or at least, less likely to leave!) on the basis they are really very flexible

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 11:54

my god... you are being given AMAZING care you silly, ungrateful woman. as a pp mentioned, you really could have bled out internally and died if you had had an ectopic, it was very good of the GP to investigate that.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 11:55

oh heavens chrismissy, i've just read your post. how devastating for you all, i'm so sorry.

Kayano · 07/12/2012 11:58

You had to miss a whole day off work for a 30 min appointment?

Is that it just an excuse?
Why couldn't you say 'I have an appointment at x so I will need to leave at y and be back at z?

I don't understand a whole day off for that?!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 11:59

tsk, look, am sorry for calling you silly and ungrateful. i've had two ectopic pregnancies and i'm self-employed. i missed work and ended off with no baby, twice, and it was shite. please try to have some perspective. (and work in the waiting rooms).

StuckOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 07/12/2012 12:02

I can understand your frustrations - am freelance and have the same conundrum of no work is no pay, but I want to earn as much as possible before having the baby.
There's an element of having to rethink priorities, whats more important - a day or half day of wages versus healthy arrival of your baby. If you weren't being given proper care and something was missed - you wouldn't at that point give a damn surely about a days wages! Thats how I rationalise taking the time off.
Secondly talk to people. My midwife understands my predicament and after initially offering some rubbish appointments, will now try to fit me in as early as possible on the days she's at my practice so I can go on to work after, work late and still justify a full days pay. I know this is harder with hospital appointments, but our trust does have a good system where you can phone up and change appointments to something more convenient - not always possible if its a time critical appointment, but I've managed to reschedule scans to something better.
The other one is work - even though I am freelance I felt it was better to be open and honest about being pregnant. That way they understand why sometimes I may be late or need to go early, but that I am not taking the piss and am making the time up. Although its pretty cut throat in the world of freelancers I've been surprised that other people have been ok with me prioritising my health over the job.

louistheseventeenth · 07/12/2012 12:02

I am also self employeed so lose income through maternity appointments.

All three have my pregnancies have ended in late, distressing miscarriages.

Get your priorities straight and stop moaning.

mrskeithrichards · 07/12/2012 12:03

Sorry I think yabu you need to get better at organising yourself and your time.

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