To be frustrated by the amount of time I am losing off work for maternity appointments?

[Hippolyta20]

Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to be pregnant. I am a first time Mum and I want what is best for my baby and my family. The only thing is, why does that have to mean missing SO much time of work?!

I also think we are very lucky to have an NHS and am greatful that the staff are doing their best with little resources but seriously, where is the common sense?

When I was just 3 and a half weeks I asked my doctor I could take peppermint oil because I was a bit bloated. He thought I could have an eptopic pregnancy (no other symptoms, only hurt before needing the loo (sorry). Que a scan and blood tests every other day for a week (3 days off work). Tried to say I was fine and didn't think it was necessary but got told I needed to get my priorites right and didn't I care about my baby.

Then on Monday this week, went for anomoly scan. Appointments are half an hour but in the middle of the day so had to miss a full day off work. Baby didn't move enough to check everything but at half hour on the dot told that was my time up and would have to come back on Thursday so went back again. (Another day off).

Then yesterday they weren't sure if there was quite enough fluid (75mm compared to 85mm). Probably ok but not enough time to re-measure. This means have to go back again next week Wednesday. Will need to see the consultant afterwards so another full day.

Now I do care very much that everything is ok but is this not a bit daft? If the appointment could have been an hour, I would only have missed one day instead of (at least) three? There were also 2-3 nurses/midwifes/doctors at every appointment so is it really stretched resources?

Concerns are I guess:

• I am self employed so if I don't work I don't get paid! Have to provide for the baby as well as scan it!
• How much is this costing the economy?! If I was employed, my employer would have to have paid me 6 full days for doing nothing!
• How much is this putting people off employing women? If you had a man and a women apply for a job and they were equally as qualified would this not make you nervous about employing the women? Isn't this bad for us overall?

Am I the only one frustrated by this? The doctors reaction when I said I was worried about missing another day off work made me think everyone else is happy taking as much time off as possible? That can't be the case can it?

Grrr, "publicly" ...

You can always pay to have private antenatal care - I'm sure that then you might get more choice of appt times.

If you are self employed and time is money why is your office so far from home? (Sorry, not self employed so I find this concept odd). Also can you not alter your working hours around your antenatal appts if you are your own boss? Surely that is one of the benefits of being self employed? While I wouldn't be thrilled at working early mornings, late nights or weekends, if it was a choice between that and the fantastic care that you're being offered I know what I would be opting for.

YABU OP.

I am surprised they chucked you out after 30 mins. At the NHS hospital I used, I remember being sent away down the corridor for 10 mins to walk around to get the baby moving...in the meantime they take in the next person..so eventually everyone gets seen on that day without having to return. This obviously only works if people turn up a bit early for their appts but many people do I think.

Plan your time better. There's always something else useful to do that would give you more time back to make up work, I would have thought. Dentist appointment, car mot, haircut, get the boiler serviced, all the other annoying crap that requires time out of work. Or just catch up on whatever you'd normally do on a weekend, and use one of those days to work.

I'm really sorry to hear about your baby Chrismissy. That breaks my heart.

OP, YABU - you sound like you have had great care. And as others have pointed out, pregnancy time off is a walk in the park compared to when the baby gets here and starts catching every virus known to man. When the nursery calls to tell you that your child must be collected because s/he is ill or they are closing early, when your childminder has to have a major operation and is out for 6 weeks, chickenpox, falls, foot and mouth, swine flu, meningitis scares, 2 year checks, dental appointments, hearing tests, school plays - all of these will impact on your work. And the constant admin when they go to school (overnight notice to get together a literary character costume / science project). You learn to prioritise your workload if nothing else!

Also wasn't there a study recently that said our 'light touch' antenatal care (most other countries have more than two Ultrasounds and more regular midwife consultant appointments) was a factor in the high stillbirth rate we have in the UK?

Hmm. Re-reading this ? I reckon OhDearNigel is right.

Note the differences between first half and second half of post.

dave I'm with one2one and they are fantastic. Can't rate them highly enough.

I guess the other side of this is that if you had had an ectopic pregnancy and the doctor had cheerfully said "yes - peppermint oil - good plan" then you'd be posting on here having lost a Fallopian tube saying "AIBU to think the doctor should have realised". Or if you'd been really unlucky and not been able to get yourself to hospital or had a bad diagnosis the. Your dh would be on here posting "AIBU to think that my wife shouldn't have died".

Dd has been quite poorly recently so we've spent unite a bit of time in the doctor's surgery. Each time the wait has been the best part of an hour. While it is not enormously fun trying to entertain a two year old at a doctor's for an hour I actually prefer to see a doctor who is running late. For the simple reason that it is not enormously convenient for the dr to run late. The patients are often annoyed and as they don't conveniently disappear come 5pm the doctor either has to skip lunch or work late to finish up. Which means that they are doctors who are more bothered about caring for the patients than about their own convenience. Which is what I want for my child's health.

The nhs is marvelous, but understandly it has to fit around the staff rather than the patient.

If you are self employed (and earning well) it may well be cheaper to have private ante natal care. The scans and appointments would be done at a time of your convience.

I had a hellish time getting time off for ante natal appointment during my second pregnancy. There were stupid things like having to have two ante natal appointments in one week because I needed anti d.

I think some of you are being a little harsh! Th system is frustrating, particularly the way you apparently aren't allowed to have antenatal care at a location near your work. I booked an independent midwife to try to avoid having to take so many days off work for antenatal appts - I am a teacher, work 25 miles from home and was on a training course where my school already had to pay for cover for me one day a week. The NHS appts were all in the middle of the day and often run 2 hours late. The NHS has throughout simply ignored all checks done by both the midwife and the private consultant. Some weeks I was having the same test done 3 days in a row by 3 different people. I must have been taking up time and resources that someone else needed more... Every time I tried to rationalise things a bit I was basically told I was ungrateful, not caring about my or baby's health etc. I would have given anything for such interest to be taken in the 5 years I was trying to get pregnant!!