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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by the amount of time I am losing off work for maternity appointments?

85 replies

Hippolyta20 · 07/12/2012 11:13

Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to be pregnant. I am a first time Mum and I want what is best for my baby and my family. The only thing is, why does that have to mean missing SO much time of work?!

I also think we are very lucky to have an NHS and am greatful that the staff are doing their best with little resources but seriously, where is the common sense?

When I was just 3 and a half weeks I asked my doctor I could take peppermint oil because I was a bit bloated. He thought I could have an eptopic pregnancy (no other symptoms, only hurt before needing the loo (sorry). Que a scan and blood tests every other day for a week (3 days off work). Tried to say I was fine and didn't think it was necessary but got told I needed to get my priorites right and didn't I care about my baby.

Then on Monday this week, went for anomoly scan. Appointments are half an hour but in the middle of the day so had to miss a full day off work. Baby didn't move enough to check everything but at half hour on the dot told that was my time up and would have to come back on Thursday so went back again. (Another day off).

Then yesterday they weren't sure if there was quite enough fluid (75mm compared to 85mm). Probably ok but not enough time to re-measure. This means have to go back again next week Wednesday. Will need to see the consultant afterwards so another full day.

Now I do care very much that everything is ok but is this not a bit daft? If the appointment could have been an hour, I would only have missed one day instead of (at least) three? There were also 2-3 nurses/midwifes/doctors at every appointment so is it really stretched resources?

Concerns are I guess:

  • I am self employed so if I don't work I don't get paid! Have to provide for the baby as well as scan it!
  • How much is this costing the economy?! If I was employed, my employer would have to have paid me 6 full days for doing nothing!
  • How much is this putting people off employing women? If you had a man and a women apply for a job and they were equally as qualified would this not make you nervous about employing the women? Isn't this bad for us overall?

Am I the only one frustrated by this? The doctors reaction when I said I was worried about missing another day off work made me think everyone else is happy taking as much time off as possible? That can't be the case can it?

OP posts:
NaiceAm · 07/12/2012 12:04

If you think this impact on your ability to work is bad wait until you have a child that keeps getting colds etc and needs looking after. I was like you when I was PG and found the assumption that women don't work and so can come in at any time and wait around interminably frustrating but now I completely understand. The system is stretched and has to work this way and the level of care we get really is good. Try not to let it stress you out.

chrismissymoomoomee · 07/12/2012 12:04

Thank you Aitch :(

I know if her condition had been spotted in pregnancy they couldn't have done anything to help her but I also know that she wouldn't have had to suffer the 2 weeks of invasive tests and procedures and the pain that she was in for every minute of her short life.

Then people like the OP come along complaining about the excellent care she is getting and the hospital doing the best for her baby.... Angry this thread has pissed me off big time.

Startail · 07/12/2012 12:09

YANBU
There is a lot of buttcovering in antenatal care.

It's wonderful that the NHS is so attentive, but sometimes I wish it would let us trust our instincts.

Lots of the things they worry us about they can't do anything about any how.

FBworry · 07/12/2012 12:09

Regarding your comment about employed people, Name one person that would actually care more about the "cost to the economy" than assuring a healthy baby and mother?

BionicEmu · 07/12/2012 12:10

I'm confused - work is 1.5 hours away, then the hospital is another 45 mins away? So the hospital is 2.25 hours from your house?!

Also, if you don't want to go then don't. Nobody's forcing you to go. Personally, I take every check going, but if you don't want to then that's your call.

ghoulelocks · 07/12/2012 12:11
  1. You can refuse tests, why not do so.
  1. Others would have died for want of that care.

Get over yourself or go private.

BunFagFreddie · 07/12/2012 12:15

I think you are just suffering from the self employed mindset OP. Your time is money, and it's easy to worry about these things when you work for yourself.

YABU because you have to put your health first, and the babies obviously.

SpringierSpaniel · 07/12/2012 12:16

I don't understand how if you are self-employed you can't make up the time at the weekends.

Treat the scan day as a day off and work Saturday or Sunday instead.

You really don't have to take a whole day off anyway, you could also ring up and ask for the appointment to be rescheduled to first thing or last thing if you politely explain why. I did this with all of my appointments in order to mimise disruption to the working day.

You are getting IMHO very good cautious care which seems to be lacking in some parts of the country so yes YABU and if you can't flex your working arrangements a little whilst pregnant, what on earth are you going to do once you have a baby to care for ?

I'd use this time over the next few months to think how to "work smarter instead of working harder" in management bollox.

Pootles2010 · 07/12/2012 12:18

You're being daft, as everyone else says. On a practical note, why not see if you can go to appt's closer to your work? They agreed to do all my appts at one hospital, then book me in to another hospital once i'd had 20 week check.

Chrismassy I am so very very sorry about your little girl Sad

RunnerHasbeen · 07/12/2012 12:18

You are only in a position to feel annoyed by this because everything has been fine so far - can't you take work with you to do in the waiting room, you surely have enough warning to leave the paperwork or something to one side and do it then. There are so many situations that would have meant more time off sick, from severe morning sickness, high blood pressure, problems with the baby and you should have taken that into account when TTC, you are really not being dealt such a bad hand spending a few hours waiting about occasionally.

FWIW, my husband's work let him take time off as well when I had maternity appointments and as I was technically high risk it was quite a lot of time. Perhaps you should aim your worries over sexism at the male entitlement instead of woman needing to take time off.

honeytea · 07/12/2012 12:20

YABU you have the right to refuse any scans or checks you want, you don't have to see anyone if you choose not too.

If you have a sleepy fetus then often an hour wouldn't make any difference they may well still not be able to get the right angle to see the organs.

I am sorry to say that it may well just get worse, I have had high blood preassure in my 3rd trimester which means I have had to see the midwife every other day and multiple times I have been sent to the hospital for hours to monitor my baby.

I think you need to factor in these things when deciding to have a baby.

NagooHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 12:20

Maybe it is easier for the OP to mis-direct her emotional energy as frustration about work rather than worry about her baby? I think I would be doing quite a lot of panicking if I needed that many checks.

forevergreek · 07/12/2012 12:21

Also, take a laptop / tablet/ pen and paper and try working in the waiting room to save wasted time.

Do you need to make calls with work? If so get a decent hands free and use commuting drive to make calls ( most people are fine if you just say, im in the car on hands free to explain any background noise but that you are happy to talk

Nancyclancy · 07/12/2012 12:21

It is annoying but too bad really. The most important thing is tat mother and baby are cared for properly and if it means you miss work then that's the way it has to be. Sometimes the Dr's/midwives are over cautious, but better that way and everything turns out fine then not care enough and things go wrong.

I had a problematic twin pregnancy and was in and out of our hospital ( local hospital is 50 mins away.) And a few times a hospital in London ( 2/12 hrs each way.) It affected my dh work and we had a 4 yr old too. But that was the way it had to be. I can remember phoning my work and telling them that I wouldn't be in and I didn't know when I'd be back. Fortunately my twins survived and are now 8, if I hadn't received such good NHS care and frequent appts, it would have been a different story.

Also it prepares you for a life with a baby/ children. Your work will be affected to some degree anyway, whatever childcare you have in place.

Adversecalendar · 07/12/2012 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerthaKitt · 07/12/2012 12:41

YABVVU

PicaK · 07/12/2012 12:43

I think you are being unreasonable - but i only really know that because a) i have a child and have been through (and struggled with) the shift from work-first mode to parent mode. And b) because i've had miscarriages and know the importance of checks no matter how much time they waste.

It is a shock to the system but rather than just be annoyed at what you see as the inefficiency - take the time to think holistically about the pregnancy and the realities of having a baby. You may be more vulnerable to pnd - make sure you have support systems in place and have read up about it.

I think people have been very harsh on here although i agree with what they are saying.

You are more important than the work.

OhDearNigel · 07/12/2012 13:52

I reckon I know what the OP does for a living. Journalist/feature writer.

OhDearNigel · 07/12/2012 13:53

There were also 2-3 nurses/midwifes/doctors at every appointment

I really don't believe this

10storeylovesong · 07/12/2012 13:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

ILoveNoodles · 07/12/2012 13:59

The NHS can't bloody win can it.
Don't worry there probably won't be a NHS round for much longer, then problem solved nothing to moan about eh?

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 07/12/2012 14:01

I think OhDearNigel has hit the nail on the head

chrismissy so sorry about your little girl Sad

honeytea · 07/12/2012 14:03

Maybe the 2/3 midwives were students?

Fakebook · 07/12/2012 14:05

You can get weekend appointments too you know? I think you've had excellent care. You should be grateful to your doctors. Maybe your age has something to do with extra appointments and care? Sorry if its not tr case.

Arithmeticulous · 07/12/2012 14:09

I changed GP surgery after my first pregnancy due to their odd way of allocating AN appointments - you could only book the next available appointment, not one that was convenient... so, if someone else booked 2pm, you had to book 2.15pm - you couldn't have 3pm, or 5pm. This (understandably) was so the MW had back to back appointments and if she was finished at 4pm, could go on to do something else. However, this meant every appointment was a lottery - do you book in advance so that you knew you had an appointment, even though it would be in the middle of the day and due to a 90 minute commute, meant a day out of the office? Or wait until the day before (the fortnightly) surgery and hope there would still be an end of session appointment available?

The system does not run for the benefit for the pregnant woman - there are some very overworked people trying to see as many babies out safely as possible with not a lot of resource. My ex-GP system was laughable for me as a working pregnant woman, but worked best for the MW.