to want answers to these S&B questions?

[HullyEastergully]

Why are:

1. Certain items of clothing = "mumsy" eg bootcuts, tunics, some boots but not others (forget which)

1. Short wide jumpers are inherently better than others

1. Anyone over a size 12 = fat

1. Fat = mumsy

1. That thinking the above makes you a cleverer and more knowing alnd all-round better person with a slight pitying disdain for those that don't agree.

Lastly I would like a definition of "Mumsy" and why it is an insult.

Thank you.

I want the same body I had 15 years ago so I don't have to think about lumps. But I don't want to have to do anything to get it.

What is the answer?

It was only the hair, and that's all changed.

In my view, lumpy oblongs look good cut into three (visually speaking!) horizontally at the chest and below the knee. Your lime green stripes should slice you up nicely, Hully! You could try a ... tunic with matching legs, a contrasting bolero type top and some interesting shoes/boots.
Don't follow advice to 'elongate' the silhouette as it never works unless you're already long.
Don't leave your cardigans & jackets open at the front; it gives the impression of extra width.
Do wear those fitted dresses with contrast panels up the sides. They were invented for oblongs.
You can get away with tying a shirt at the middle.
Try to draw attention to your feet - if the eye goes straight from foot to chest/shoulders/neck, it scoots over the middle.

I really must get out of the indiscriminate layers of sludge-coloured warm stuff I'm wearing at the moment

Can you put a pic on Facebook so I can see you?

Agree with the person who said that some shapes are impossible to dress.

As I stand here eating nutella out of the jar with a spoon and staring ruefully at the exercise bike across the room, I ponder my short, fat legs, big hips, round arse, belly (currently preggers, but can't make that my excuse) and massive norks.

I don't think I look so much mumsy, just shithouse. Mumsy would be a step up, I reckon!

"I want the same body I had 15 years ago so I don't have to think about lumps. But I don't want to have to do anything to get it.

What is the answer? "

Drugs, or getting rid of all your mirrors and living heavily in denial.

I never thought I'd say this (given he previously said "I think white lyca leggings are nice") but I've been getting a lot of fashion advice from DH, and it works.

I don't think there are any photos of me, I'll have a look. I tend to destroy any taken on sight.

Gok just told me to buy bootcut jeans on that link

Send one to me, tah.

Absy your DH is French = stylish. And with an accent.

According to Gok I'm a short hourglass, and was recommended bootcuts.

Oh gok, those suggestions are ill-judged

No French accent, only weird one, and not always stylish.

I think though, he's been so well trained by his mother that he's actually quite good.

I found one photo, Pinot, but I can't poss put it anywhere where anyone might see it without the live force of my dazzling wit to deflect attention.

I think the Gok one is broken

I looked at the Trinny and Susannah one and their recommendations for apple shapes are ridiculous. Wide leg/bottom pants make me looks like Im wearing clown pants!!

I think they forget not everyone is tall!

I struggle with having a funny shape. Short, although size 8 to 10. The problem is that I have wide shoulders, no waist, narrow hips and huge norks, although oddly, my back measurement is only a 30 to 32. Wtf is that all about? I feel a bit freakish at times.

I'm a short hourglass, and was recommended bootcuts.

Where's the sense in giving yourself hourglass-shaped legs?

Oh, and according to Gok I'm a 'juicy, juicy pear'.

Yeah, that'd be me with me wide hips, waist the same width, Dcup boobs and narrow shoulders ... I'm sure the narrow shoulders totally make my look pear shaped and don't at all get lost when you consider the norks and the belly.

Idiot.

He rubs me up the wrong way.

The thing I find comforting (while ranting about the daftness of it all) is looking at photos of me at 19. I look amazing. I thought I looked terrible. I therefore conclude either I am deeply deluded and a victim of the patriarchy's shite attitude to women, or I look fucking foxy no matter what I think about it.

Day to day I prefer to acknowledge the second.

Um .... that's wierd. I just tried to post and got a 'this thread doesn't exist any more' rubric message.

And now it shows up for me again.

What is going on? Did MNHQ delete and reinstate or something?

I had an error message too.

Maybe MNHQ deleted the thread, and then changed their mind as they're all oblongs and need our advice.

How odd. I was certain MNHQ were all dead ringers for Grace Kelly.

Anyhoo, I was pontificating this:

I think the way stuff like bootcuts work is just to distract your eye.

If you're used to seeing trousers that go straight up and down, and someone cunningly adds some fabric at the bottom so it appears to nip in, you think 'ooh! Different! Slim!'. Then we get used to it after a while. It's like with those dresses that seem to be very trendy in some contexts, that are colour blocked so you're wearing a white outline of a slimmer woman on a black dress. They only work for so long.

That error thing happens to me all the time lately.

I'm waiting for the horse's head on the pillow.