To think it's IMPOSSIBLE to make friends in some towns...

[IncaAztec]

I moved here last year with DC1. Everyone has lived here since the year dot. Its very hard to meet anyone, let alone anyone who wants to go on a playdate/be friends. I won't name the town but I think my experience seems to be common in small provincial ones with few incomers.

I have tried to make friends but am foiled at every turn. An example: At a baby group (dull, but an example), I offered another Mum I had met and chatted to before my seat as she is very heavily upduffed. She took it and went off to talk with her friend, leaving me alone. Not even a Hi!

People are borderline rude at nearly all the playgroups. I go for my DC's sake these days. Anyone else in the same boat or want to name and shame their unfriendly, cliquey, rubbish town?

In some places they just don't.

I don't want to sound unkind but I do think you have to make a BIG effort to make friends - we have moved around a lot and I find it really easy to make friends (not 'bestest' friends ) but people to go out for a coffee with, share childcare that sort of thing. But I am a realy 'joiner' - I always join the PTA, local organisations, support the church etc etc. As quote says, start something up. When I first had my DS there was no baby & toddler group so I started one myself, still going strong many years later even though I have moved away .

I see so many people who make very little effort & then complain they haven't any friends. My own DH is a typical example - he won't make any effort whatsoever, always finding 'fault' with any suggestion from me as to how to get involved in things, which will lead to making friends. So he sits around being a miserable git !

Ivanta As Kerry Katona is our local 'girl done good', I'm guessing your Warrington suburb is somewhat naicer than my Warrington suburb

I absolutely love the guide to Cumbria. I have never been but now really want to in order to stand like a fool in the street with one of those ramblers map holders round my neck.

Some places are just insular and don't need new blood. They certainly don't need some outsider being all gung ho about some new venture, unless it happens to be an NHS dentist.

Here's a good suggestion and is what I did: join a choir. None of this "Oh but I can't sing" nonsense. Choirs welcome new members who can sing along with the others, you won't need to do solos, and singing in a group is so good for people. Sadly it's on the decline in England (not in Wales, don't know about Scotland or NI). And people who choose to be in choirs are generall a friendly bunch.

My part of Leics is friendly ,sorry that you don't have that twolittlemonkeys. I think it is perhaps easier in the suburbs rather than in the small villages. Sort of goes against the idea of a great community spirit in villages doesn't it?

Hi,

Does anyone know anything about Islip? Thinking of moving there....

YANBU

there is a facebook mumsnet group for people who would like to make friends...PM me if you want one of us to add you to the group, there are loads and loads of us on there x

Yes please, what's pm?

The town where I grew up (Stoke-on-Trent) is actually very friendly as long as you don't look foreign, like and I never had any trouble striking up conversation with people at bus stops, in cafes and shops or getting to know other parents at baby groups.

private message - the "message poster" button to the right of the posters name on the blue bar :)

I live in Sheffield and have done so now for over 20 years. I loved it from the minute I arrived and made friends here really, really easily. I would hate to move into my home town as a stranger. My mother was convinced I couldn't get on with women for love nor money, but that miraculously disappeared when I moved to Sheffield. Turned out it wasn't me with the problem...

Can only imagine how hard that would be to move into if you didn't live in the right house, wear the right clothes and drive the right car!!

cremeeggthief I'm in a small village just outside Durham.
It's friendly here- we moved in 2 years ago almost to the day, and as we were heading off to MILs for Xmas dinner, a middle aged couple passing in a car slowed down, wound the window down and said merry Xmas. No idea who they were at the time (think they live up the top of the estate).

We know all our immediate neighbours and they were all outside last night helping push someone's car off the ice and gritting the road (while me and DS were watching and scoffing chocolate buttons :) )

:).

(now I know whose house to go round when the shop stops selling creme eggs )

Thing is sometimes it's hard to meet people or start something up, and after months of repeated rejection you tend to give up. If, for example, you happen to work FT and commute, then there's not much time to meet people. Worse when you work FT (in a place where everyone else commutes and never comes in at that) and are a single parent. You're at work all day and stuck at home after bedtime, and the weekends get filled up with shopping and other necessary tasks so you can get through the next week. And it's surprisingly easy to find yourself having to move hundreds of miles away from everyone you know for work.

When your possibilities for social interaction are reduced to talking to the cashier at the supermarket (like one of those old ladies), you get quite lonely. Sitting being ignored (actively ignored despite your efforts to join in) at mother and baby/toddler groups is No Fun At All. There's only so long you can put up with it before you give up. Same with being avoided in the playground.

Brighton is super easy! Come here

Ba ha ha actually snorting at laughter at the Cumbrian comments, my DH is from West Cumbria and I can relate to all the comments. Locals actually stare at my daughters and I when we're driving about when up visiting his family and everyone is related to each other, or knows someone who is!

It's a bit far to commute from Brighton though (and we'd have to live in a shoe box). Although the PILs would love it as they live very close to Brighton.

Actually, where we live now is not at all unwelcoming or unfriendly. We're not planning on moving ever again.

In fact, the PILs were amazed at how friendly everyone is up here! I think they still are.

I hated Oxford when I worked there, have never met such unfriendly people!

Agree with noddy, Brighton is awesome, best place I've lived :) I've lived in loads of places too.

Most humorously named was Badger's Mount though

YANBU. I lived in a lancashire village for five years, only started to make friends 3 years in and that was mostly other people who hadn't lived there for three generations. Now live down saff, been here a year, in a village, people so friendly.

Another Cambridge village incomer here, it's definitely slightly odd here. We've not been here long, although the neighbours seem nice, definitely difficult make friends.

Nan Bullen and Osmiornica hello - (tries not to look too desperate and needy)