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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be concerned over DS' dads partner ? - Witchcraft

104 replies

Katie08 · 05/12/2012 16:01

H and I divorced 5 years ago, amicable split and he had our DS 50:50 split with me.

He works full time and his mum will collect DS on a Monday from school however he has now informed me that his new gf will be collecting DS. He has met her online and she's been staying with them for about 2 week now but has pretty much moved in full time. My DS has come back twice this week now saying "He'll cast a spell on people he doesn't like" Hmm

I thought nothing more off it until he asked me this afternoon for a set of robes. I asked a few more questions about why he wants this and was told XW has said I need some if I am join in with her ceremonies.

I'm a active member of the Methodist church and DS is christened, we attend each week. H used to attend but his faith is his business.

I've spoken to him this afternoon to find out what's been going on, he's told me his New gf is a witch, is an active member and he's interested in it a bit now as well. When I asked what DS has been involved in he said he thinks his gf ha probably done a few ceremonies and spells with him and what's the harm ?

Am I being unreasonable to ask that DS is NOT to be involved in this ? It makes me really uncomfortable. DS is 8 and very impressionable.

OP posts:
designergirl · 05/12/2012 17:12

Santa yes I know, I suppose I'm just lucky that my dh and I both believe the same thing and are living together, I can't imagine how difficult it could be if we believed different things and wanted to teach the same child about that.
I know child sacrifice is an extreme thing to say but is the op really sure about sm who has just appeared in her sons life, who is telling him he needs a robe and presenting herself as his mama. She sounds like a nutter!

Jingleflobba · 05/12/2012 17:13

Child sacrifice.... Yawn.... Be more original please...
Look. Us Pagans don't generally believe in the devil so don't worry about it being anything like satan worship, it's considered bollocks on many levels.
You do not cast spells on people you don't like, thats bollocks too as the belief is that whatever you do t osomeone will come back round to you. Just bigger and nastier.
You don't need robes, or athames, or any type of 'stuff'. I don't use anything at all apart from incense but alot do.
Children can and do join in rituals if they are aware of what is actually going on. However your ex should have asked your permission imo, I asked DH if he minded me including the children when they asked about it. If he'd had said no I would have respected that.
So YABU for that lot but YANBU in the extreme about her wanting to be called Mama and picking him up from school. Can you get MIL onside?

BOFingSanta · 05/12/2012 17:13

I find it hard to believe other people's superstitions. Hard to believe a lot of things, tbf. IYSWIM.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey · 05/12/2012 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narked · 05/12/2012 17:19

'I may get a bit of stick about the child sacrifice thing '

My new favourite quote from MN

Jingleflobba · 05/12/2012 17:19

missCellania you're probably right about the defensiveness but Paganism /witchcraft does get the blame for an awful lot and we can get a little touchy about it... Xmas Grin

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 05/12/2012 17:20

everybody's brain seems to have fallen out.

Everybody's? really?

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 05/12/2012 17:22

YABU about the witchcraft... although she/they shouldnt be performing any rituals etc on or around your dc without your permission. witchcraft doesnt hurt anybody, however if you dont want your dc exposed to it then that us your choice and your xp needs to respect that. if she turns out to be a permanent fixture though and your dc will be around it, there are some very good books out there explaining whats what... or you could talk to her/them and they can answer any questions you have.

YANBU (although this doesnt seem to concern you at all Hmm ) about the fact that your xp met her 2 weeks ago from chatting to her on the net. no gf/bf/partner or whatever should be introduced into a childs life so quickly Confused

KenLeeeeeee · 05/12/2012 17:24

The Wicca thing is a non-issue. Would you be concerned if it was a different, mainstream religion he was being exposed to?

That said, educating children about religion can be delicate, especially if you're practicing members of a particular faith already. It is not the place of your exH's new gf to have your son actively involved in rituals that are entirely new to him.

The fact that this woman has known your exH for next to no time & is already been introduced to & allowed to care for your son is a problem. That she's asked him to call her "Mama" would have me spitting feathers & howling with rage.

flaggybannel · 05/12/2012 17:27

'mama'......2 weeks? Oh dear. I think someone would have to hold me back

noblegiraffe · 05/12/2012 17:29

Good grief. No, I would not be happy that my DS's dad met someone and all of two minutes later she was getting my child involved in her religious ceremonies. It wouldn't matter what the religion was, it's not her place.

If the dad then started getting involved in whatever religion it was and decided that he wanted his DS involved, then that would be slightly different, but I'd still want discussion and agreement about whatever was going to be involved instead of him just plowing ahead and signing my DS up to some unknown belief system.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 05/12/2012 17:29

she told him to call her mama????? Angry

wrong wrong wrong! that needs sorting out straight away.

PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah · 05/12/2012 17:31

It doesn't matter what religion she follows, she needs to respect that your ds is being brought up in your religion. She wouldn't serve sausages to a Jewish child, or take a Hindu one to a church on Sunday, so why is she involving a Methodist child in Wiccan ceremonies?

bringbacksideburns · 05/12/2012 17:37

Maybe it's about time you met this woman. I can't believe this hasn't already happened . I would want to meet anyone helping out with my child!!

Original poster
Katie08 · 05/12/2012 17:43

The mama thing is a non-issue for me to ask AIBU because that was dealt with when I spoke to Ex H. So I know I wasn't BU about that.

I've texted to ask to meet her, but have been told "Not yet maybe after Christmas".

I'm not happy with that.

OP posts:
rogersmellyonthetelly · 05/12/2012 17:43

I would not be happy with my child taking part in any religious celebrations in my absence unless they were of the same religion as myself. Even then I would be wary. Wiccan/pagan/Muslim/sheikh/Hindu whatever, unless the celebration was being organised by someone I knew very well and trusted, or as part of religious education in a school environment. I would definately not be comfortable with my kids taking part in non specified spell casting by/with someone I hardly knew. With or without robes. Yes I'm a Christian, but I think anyone with common sense would think the same regardless of their religious beliefs.

YourHandInMyHand · 05/12/2012 17:50

You have every right to meet someone who's picking your DS up from school.

Your ex has known her in person less than a month and is entrusting her with the care of his child. Very irresponsible! Angry

Would he be happy if this were a reverse situation? A man you had known less than a month picking his son up from school and asking him to call him dada??

Maybe after Christmas my arse!

Also - will MIL not miss picking her dgs up from school? When will he see her?

designergirl · 05/12/2012 17:56

Then she can't pick up your son "Not yet but maybe after Christmas" I would say

cory · 05/12/2012 18:04

do we know that it is wicca? otherwise the argument "he must have misunderstood about the spells because the wicca don't do that" doesn't really apply, does it? am I right in thinking there are other religions in this country (e.g. some African ones) where people do try to harm others by casting spells? do we know any details about the OPs ex's dp?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/12/2012 18:04

You have to meet her. Your ex must understand that.

If all else fails, go on Monday and wait at the school gates and collar her then.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 05/12/2012 18:08

The wiccan stuff isn't relevant

The fact your exp is letting someone he has known to weeks pick your child up from school and be so involved in his life is

And the "Mama" thing Shock Angry

I'd be really concerned, but not over the wicca aspect

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 05/12/2012 18:10

cory

The majority of witches/ wiccans/ wizards etc (i used to work with a wizard and my mil is a 'witch') feel it is bad karma (for want of a better word) to put a spell on anyone. Even good ones if you have not sough permission.

The chances that she is into Hoodoo and the like are slim.

However the argument would still be that the GF shouldn't be alone unsupervised with the OPs son when she has only, physically, met the OPs ex 2 weeks ago. He should be more sensible.

So really religion is still not issue. She could be a christian that believes in corporal punishment and it would be the same. this is why people should only let people they really know have their kids.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 05/12/2012 18:12

designergirl has it in one.

Meeting her after christmas is fine, thats when she can spend time with your son. You need to sort this out so it seems sensible to me.

ChestyNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 05/12/2012 19:06

The most worrying thing is the strangers involvement in your DS life.
She's been around 2 weeks and having sole charge of your DS Hmm

Wants him to call her mama.......sounds like a raving nutter to me!

FrankincenseWippery · 05/12/2012 19:34

You said you were atheist OP, when talking about bending the truth in your other? son's school application 4 months ago. That's a jolly quick move to become an active member of the Methodist church.