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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DC to participate in nativity?

631 replies

Spru · 05/12/2012 15:47

I asked school to excuse DC from nativity (due to religious reasons - we do not depict jesus/mary/joseph.) They were absolutely fine with it. Happened to mention this to work colleagues - and they basically told me that I wasn't willing to integrate! Hmm

I was a bit shocked that they saw it like this despite the fact that I explained why. I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I had to bite my tongue for the sake of peace!

So...MN jury...Grin AIBU to exclude DC from nativity for religious reasons (note: DC is not excluded from other christmas activities at school). Am I just not integrating well into the society that I was born and brought up in?

TIA

Grin

(please be gentle)

OP posts:
Sofiamum · 05/12/2012 19:00

I am a Christian but I was brought up in Iran. I went to a Christian school and we always had a nativity and my Mulsim friends loved it and always took part. We were children and we had fun together, it was great.

Adversecalendar · 05/12/2012 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2old2beamum · 05/12/2012 19:02

Well done Spru Xmas Grin Don't worry about stupid remarks you only asked. Us atheists are very understanding I love Eid

LimeLeafLizard · 05/12/2012 19:02

Dozy can I join? (I do go to church but I also love my pagan trees, bunnies, etc... and the last celebration my kids attended was Diwali).

Ironically I am now off to phone my (muslim) friend about making Shepherd costumes for our boys to wear at the nativity place at our non-religious school...

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2012 19:03

We should start a MN quiche - Atheists for Eid.

zzzzz · 05/12/2012 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:05

adverse DS was christened because his dads family believe it's the right thing to do and I don't particularly think it matters either way so it kept everyone happy that way :)

Turns out that now DS (after going to a church school before he moved to a special school) now believes that 'God' is nasty. He does, however, think 'God' means assembly Xmas Hmm

Oh well :)

We all just do what we believe is right and do our best.

2old2beamum · 05/12/2012 19:06

Good idea MrsT Xmas Smile

sunshine401 · 05/12/2012 19:06

YANBU. Your child, your rules

Aww really? Why do we introduce the mix of religious education to help widen our children's knowledge and understanding of others. When it seems other people of different faiths do not.

The case of my child , my rules is very very sad . Children have a right to be educated and join in with all lessons regardless of what their parents may believe.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:07

Lime you can join but only because of how ridiculously hypocritical you are for celebrating one part of a religion without taking part in every last detail of it Xmas Shock

What disgusting behaviour Xmas Wink

LynetteScavo · 05/12/2012 19:08

YANBU. If you're DC aren't bothered, and the school aren't bothered, what's the issue?

I think so many people find Christmas such a special magical time, they find it difficult to understand why others may not want to participate, or teach their children the magic of Christmas. One person's tradition is another person's peculiarity.

Of course you can be integrated in to the British way of life and not celebrate Chirstmas, (or celebrate Christmas and not believe in God as many do) but you do have to accept that others may not want to come to your Eid party.

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/12/2012 19:09

YABU. I work in a school with many non-Christians (non-religious school) that is doing a Nativity. All the children participate. In my children's Catholic school there were also non-Christians. They also participated in the (Christian) Nativity play. they also all went to assembly and participated in all feast days and celebrations.

If your child is not in the nativity, they will feel very left out. It's a big part of the end of the autumn term.

GhostShip · 05/12/2012 19:09

We live in a multicultural society, I think you really should expect and welcome taking part in other people's cultures.

You aren't proving anything by not letting them take part.

This sort of things creates segregation, which is something we're suppose to be opposing.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:10

sunshine I think you'll find the OP is very respectful about different faiths. There is just one thing that Christians do that she feels is morally wrong. One thing her kids can't join in with.

Pozzled · 05/12/2012 19:11

Yes, sunshine children do have a right to be educated. I don't recall the OP saying that she refused to allow her children to be taught about any aspect of Christian beliefs- perhaps you could point out to me where she said this?

If anyone had come on to MN saying 'I don't want my children to learn about any religion except my own' my response would have been very different. I'm sure many others who supported the OP would also have responded differently.

She doesn't want her children to participate in one aspect of the school's RE. They can cover the Christmas story in many other ways.

sunshine401 · 05/12/2012 19:11

I don't think so it is a shame.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:12

ghostship is it segregation if I refuse to eat meat when everyone else is?

OddBoots · 05/12/2012 19:12

Oh live and let live. YANBU, you have made a choice for your own child not for anyone else's, if you had asked the school not to have a nativity then I would say you were being unfair but withdrawing your child from an optional activity is fine. I'm glad to live in a country where we have that freedom.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2012 19:13

GhostShip does that mean the OP should eat pork, drink alcohol and do all the other things that are regular parts of the dominant culture? I think we all pick and choose. For example, I am British and couldn't give a shiney shite about the Royals. I have picked this.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 05/12/2012 19:14

Even as an Atheist, I would still be perfectly Ok with dd being in the Nativity - it is a story. Much like I wouldnt gove a rats ass about her being in Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella (even with my feminist outlook).

Yabu.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:14

mrsTP you obviously aren't integrated. Don't you know that you have to like the royals to be integrated in Britain? You are causing segregation. I am , quite frankly, appalled.

Xmas Wink
Pozzled · 05/12/2012 19:15

"This sort of things creates segregation, which is something we're suppose to be opposing"

It doesn't have to. It can provide a really good opportunity for discussing different beliefs, especially with older children. I've taught many children who have been taken out of various things for various reasons (birthday celebrations, Christmas parties etc). The rest of the class always understood and accepted it as 'X can't do that because of their/their parents religion'. It wasn't a big deal. Occasionally they'd discuss amongst themselves why they couldn't do it- and so gain a better understanding of another religion.

GhostShip · 05/12/2012 19:15

dozyduck How would that segregate you? Would that stop you eating with people? I don't think so.

Whereas the OP's children will probably be stuck in a classroom whilst the rest of the children are practicing their play. That's them being segregated. People will notice and wonder why.

But thats coming from me, I'm willing to embrace everyones, because I don't believe in any myself.

DozyDuck · 05/12/2012 19:16

No they won't be stuck in a classroom
They will be helping in the nursery or doing some other fun activity Grin

Probably having lots more fun than the kids say in the hall getting numb bottoms waiting for their turn to practice

ilovesprouts · 05/12/2012 19:17

my sons does all different religons at school