To not want my DC to participate in nativity?

[Spru]

I asked school to excuse DC from nativity (due to religious reasons - we do not depict jesus/mary/joseph.) They were absolutely fine with it. Happened to mention this to work colleagues - and they basically told me that I wasn't willing to integrate!

I was a bit shocked that they saw it like this despite the fact that I explained why. I didn't realise that this decision was perceived as a lack of willingness to integrate - in a country which I have been born and brought up in.

I had to bite my tongue for the sake of peace!

So...MN jury... AIBU to exclude DC from nativity for religious reasons (note: DC is not excluded from other christmas activities at school). Am I just not integrating well into the society that I was born and brought up in?

TIA

(please be gentle)

OP, YANBU. I'm not religious and don't really mind what my kids participate in so long as they're not taught religious beliefs as fact.

However, if my children were asked to participate in something I felt was morally wrong, I hope I'd have the courage to withdraw them, and would explain why. As I understand it, your religious beliefs mean that to you it is wrong for Jesus to be depicted, whether as a doll, person or whatever. So of course you wouldn't allow them to take part.

It won't harm your children not to take part, it won't matter particularly to the school or anyone else. They might possibly get a bit bored or feel left out, but not necessarily. And if they do, well, it's your parenting decision. I've seen many many poor parenting decisions, this isn't an important one. I don't know why people care so much.

@thebody.
It's much easier to say ;Oh let them chose when they are older' when you are not religious than when you have a different religion or you are strongly atheist.
What you believe, your code of conduct (where you religion will have a big impact on) up to how you do things in your house (what you eat, drink etc...). This is all part of choice that you make that related to religion.
Saying you should just 'let your dcs chose' just doesn't make sense because their parents religion is already strongly in their lifes.

And that's wo talking about the fact that, as a parent, you might think doing X will bring a lot of problem to your child (as an adult, after their death etc...) so you would want to protect them from that therefore avoid said child doing X.
I think that's quite a normal thing to do isn't it?

Well at least you won't be saddled with making a shepherd costume.

The integration comment was bollocks and a little bit bloody judgemental because you are clearly already integrated because you're British. I am white British and I am not Christian - just because I don't go to midnight mass doesn't mean I'm not integrated.

I'm curious though, what Christmas activities are they taking part in? As far as I remember many Christmas activities at school are somehow related to the religious aspect itself.

On well only the ops kids can truly say in later life if they felt left out or not.

Noone on here can.

I am late to the thread BUT I think joining in with the bits you don't find too opposite to your religion Ie secret santa etc shows you are integrating, if the nativity bit is a step too far then fine, you are not the only one sitting it out, it's depicting something that is uncomfortable to you so don't do it. ignore those who are , you have beliefs and you are the best person to understand the limits you have you have explained why to others, explain yes, justify no. if they disagree it's their issue not yours, you are not ridiculing or mocking thier belifs so smile and nod and ignore. henriettaTurkey awesome post, way up thread.

My DS doesn't go to a religious school but he is still doing a nativity

They don't do much about other religions that I know of but I might just not hear about it. They do Chinese new year though.

I am Buddhist and my religion tells me that I should allow my child to choose his own path. That's my choice, and I do. DS sings hymns as well as the next child but can also point out Buddha.

I would not be happy with him going hunting, however as that is just really against my beliefs. If school took the kids hunting or stamping on ants I would not allow DS to do that. I wouldn't even let him polish the guns or smoke out the ants. Even if he was not doing the actual killing.

I doubt many of you would question my choice in this.

The OP believes that it is wrong to Play a prophet. The same as I believe killing animals for fun is wrong. It's her belief. She allows her DC to do Christmassy things but the nativity, to her, is going way too far. Just as stamping on ants would be to me. She doesn't want them to take part on any of it because they will be advocating playing a prophet. Just as smoking out the ants would be advocating killing them.

It's the OPs belief and her choice.

OP YANBU and you are integrating. You just aren't comfortable with one thing.

Amirah85. What kind of racist comment is that?!

Stuntgirl, as I understand it the OP is perfectly happy to celebrate the birth of Jesus - why wouldn't she be? It's only the physical depiction of him (and Joseph and Mary) which is forbidden.

Right, all you hypocritical Christians... stop celebrating some Pagan festivals and not all. Stop decorating a tree (pre-Christian), stop celebrating in December (very good chance this is not the baby Jesus' birthday, it is definitely the midwinter festival), stop with the bunnies and eggs at Easter (fertility symbols. Unless you are up an oak tree cutting mistletoe with a sickle RIGHT NOW stop picking and choosing your Pagan participation.

I know a Muslim family whose children happily take part in Nativities.
It doesn't correspond with your beliefs, but does it have to? Surely that just makes it a story like any other? Just think of it as you would a pantomime.

MrsTerry

You had the guts to say what I was thinking

YANBU at all. Some very worrying attitudes on this thread. If you think the depictions of Jesus, Mary and Joseph in the Nativity are against your faith then you are doing the right thing to withdraw your child and the school are behaving well here it seems. You certainly should not have to go against your faith to be regarded as integrated. The fact you do some minor Christmas related celebrations, mainly at work, that do not run against your faith is a total red herring.

stamping on ants?????? dozy?

taka his school don't actually do that but it's something that I think is morally wrong and would never let DS participate in.

Just like the OP thinks the nativity is morally wrong.

Not Christmas in general, just the nativity because it conflicts directly with what she believes is morally right.

Lady!! Then how do you account for children completely abandoning parents religious beliefs or embracing beliefs when parents are atheists.

Of course children can become free thinkers adults despite parents.

Thank goodness.

MrsTP

gimmecake My DC doesnt go to C of E school. I have to ask you this question now - what is christmas? Is everybody celebrating it as a religious thing or a cultural thing. Does it make an atheist a hypocrite for doing secret santa with work or going for xmas dinners or enjoying nativity plays? Does it make JW hypocritical who believe in Jesus but not chrsitmas.

My point is, not everyone is the same - no matter what their affiliations.

If I said i don't do the christmas stocking thing or the christmas tree, but do a chicken roast during the holidays, would that enrage you? Why?

I am waiting for someone to tell me that i should not get christmas day off work as I dont believe in it - and i should not get to pick and choose! :)

the muslim kids at my school in the 70s didnt take part in the nativity or any christmas things at school they are now grown ups and still live here an intergrated part of the community( Op I dunno if you are muslim or not), I wouldnt feel sorry for the Ops children they dont do things for religious reason and that is fine, there is tonnes and tonnes of posts on Mumsnet saying well you are athiest of course you can withdraw your children from religious services or of course you shouldn't have to take part in X Y Z, it is just a nativity really no biggie,

I don't think you are being hypocritical. Santa is not part of the religious stuff.

Did you already explain why they couldn't be a star or something? Sorry, just skimmed the thread.

One of DH's ex colleague is Jewish. He always worked on Christmas Day - usually from home though. But he took off holidays important to him, and left early on a Friday, etc.

& pages long and i cant be bothered to look OP are you a J W ?

7*

OP is Muslim Mrsjay

MrsTerryP