Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

Communal slippers

Slippers are revolting enough without having to share them

Blimey, I thought I was safe in Germany. None of my family or friends are 'shoes off' types there (just like here). Their standards of housepride are off the scale clean though.

I hope that it works both ways and those of you who take your shoes off actually leave them on if they are asked to leave them on. I don't want people walking around my house with bare feet.

Shoes off here. I don't want my carpets covered in whatever has been on the floor outside!

Having read some more of this thread, I'd add to my previous answer (shoes off) - no, I wouldn't ask guests if they had come round for dinner or party type thing, or if they were people I didn't know well, or there in a work capacity. But I live in a tiny house and generally more formal socialising happens outside it! Also my stairs are so narrow it's actually a hazard to navigate them in heels. I don't ask friends and family as it's what we do anyway.

I'm surprised how much people seem to mind either way.

The only people who come into my home are family & friends & they all know to take their shoes off. Nearly all of them request shoes off aswell.

Also every house i go into i take my shoes off whether i am meant to or not. Its like i am making myself at home.

Is this still going?

If someone has kindly invited me to their house, I will plan an outfit. I h e LOTS of beautiful shoes and love to wear them. Ask me to take them off and my outfit is ruined, ruined I tell you! i would be most miffed. I wouldn't mind too much if my best mate asked. But she wouldn't & this is possibly why she's my best mate.

Plus, I have a fungal nail infection. Still want me to take my shoes off?!

There would be no point in buying smart shoes if everyone felt like that-wellies and slippers would do!

"If someone has kindly invited me to their house, I will plan an outfit."

Even if it is just for a coffee? I don't "plan outfits" for going round to a friend's house. Actually I do, my best friend has a freezing cold house so I wear lots of jumpers and take my slippers.

"Plus, I have a fungal nail infection. Still want me to take my shoes off?!"

Don't you wear socks?

I'm ambivalent about this one. I never noticed the "shoes off" culture until relatively recently. We've trained our DC's to take their shoes off routinely, because
a. They are often muddy (football realted reasons)
b. DS's wouldn't think to check, and
c. although it's not something I'm very precious about unless shoes are dirty, I know a lot of people do like shoes to come off, and it's only polite to teach children to respect that.
With adults, I'd never ask them to take their shoes off. I would however expect them to do so if they were muddy. I always assume people will want my shoes off if it's wet outside, or if the shoes by the door make it obvious that that's the rule in that house.

Yup, every day I plan my outfit. 'What bag shall I use if I wear these shoes and if I'm wearing a cream top and blue jeans, then I will wear brown boots or brown heels' etc etc..

I love it!

and no, socks don't work with stilettos.

I always take mine off when I visit other people unless they say otherwise. Mainly because people I visit tend to have horses and so they take their muddy boots off.
Weirdly everyone who comes to mine stresses about "ooh I will take my shoes off" (maybe its my cream carpets) but providing they aren't dripping mud or dog poo I'm not really bothered
I want my friends to be comfortable and I love that they root for biscuits or make their own tea or grab wine, so whatever they are more comfy doing

Everyone in the Shoes Off Brigade should buy one of these for their porch

shop.misofunky.com/products/abandon-shoes-all-ye-who-enter-sampler

"and no, socks don't work with stilettos."

You wear them in this weather . Ouch. If I was wearing stilettos I would be desperate to kick them off

People don't wear socks for at least 5 months of the year so 'fungal nail infection' would be very valid. I see lots of people with bare feet inside shoes, even in winter.

"People don't wear socks for at least 5 months of the year"

If you lived where I do I would amend that to say "people don't wear socks for at least a week or two" (especially this summer).

Incidentally, does wearing closed shoes without socks maybe contribute to fungal infections?

They probably do- so why ask them to take them off? I don't wear socks between May and September- in general.

But what if your guest has really stinky feet?

I don't ask people to remove shoes BTW. I take mine off because I prefer to wear slippers in the house. I do have a massive doormat for people to wipe their feet on though.

I only go sockless when the thermometer rises above 21 degrees as I suffer from cold feet most of the time. That didn't happen very often this year.

To me, if you have guests, you suspend the usual house rules. Their comfort is the priority.

To me, if I visit someone?s house, I?m polite enough to follow their rules. If someone?s good enough to invite me for dinner it?s just basic good manners.

No-one seems to have commented on the fact that in flats shoes are a pain in the butt to downstairs neighbours. Although perhaps all these people that are so lax about damage to their floors have enough money to live in houses.

PMSL at ?planning an outfit? ...

Do you not plan an outfit?

Do you just fall in your wardrobe? Grab whatever's to hand regardless of whether it matches or not?

So long as it doesn't look daft I don't give much thought about it. I certainly wouldn't throw a hissy fit if for some reason I couldn't wear a matching hand bag or shoes.

Samandi laugh all you like. I happen to love clothes. Shoot me.

It's true that if you are the host then your guests' comfort should be your top priority. That's why it is not really on to ask your guests to remove their shoes.

But it has to cut both ways, doesn't it? If you are the guest, you shouldn't swan into someone's house, refusing to even consider taking your shoes off, because you are the guest and your comfort should be the priority. It shouldn't. The host's comfort should be your priority. And that's why it also isn't really on not to at least offer to remove your shoes.

And all those people congratulating themselves because their friends wouldn't dream of being so bourgeoise as to care in the slightest if you danced a jig on their cream carpets in muddy hobnailed boots - well, maybe they secretly do mind, but (like probably the majority of people who prefer shoes off) they are far too polite to say.