Is it so bad to ask someone to take off their shoes in your home?

[BlueVernis]

As huge row has broken out between my sister inlaw (SIL) and myself, after I asked her to take of her shoes when she came to my house!
She came over with a few other inlaws late one night as they were passing by. It was raining outside and we have carpet in our living room, which is quite new. Also, my kids like to play on the living room carpet.
My SIL came in and I asked her if she could take her shoes off. She told me that it was a hassle to take of her shoes. I just looked at her and said in a half joke-half serious way that I would have to get some kitchen roll and wipe her shoes then. Then I left her in the hallway and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
A few minutes later I heard her screaming at DH in the hallway, saying that I insulted her by not allowing her into my home and I have no right to ask her to take her shoes off as she is the older SIL. She rang my MIL and was going on and on that I had insulted her etc.
She then went outside, shouting and yelling (I'm sure the neighbours loved it!) and sat in the car and refused to come in.
I'm fuming with her behaviour as I don't think my request was wrong. I have been brought up to take off my shoes in other people's homes, and I even make my kids do the same, whether the house they go to are carpeted or laminated.
Was I being unreasonable?

It was this dress ...

any sock/slipper suggestions?

It's like these two scenarios:

Person A. A friend spills a glass of red wine on your carpet. You look in horror, kick up a fuss and start frantically cleaning while the friend looks on in embarrassment/asking if they can help while being told sharply "no, you might make it worse. I'll deal with it."

Person B. A friend spills a glass of red wine on your carpet. You say "don't worry at all, I'll just quickly soak it up and get the vanish out. Seriously, don't worry, go pour yourself another glass of wine."

I've been in both situations, one as the host, the other as the guest. I know who's house I'd rather spend time in.

Don't be a slave to your floor :o Guests comfort and happiness is way more important.

I think <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=<a class="break-all" href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417kXAuzpNL.SX342.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.amazon.com/Rainbow-Stripe-Socks-Foot-Traffic/dp/B001JECHBQ&h=420&w=342&sz=21&tbnid=rwXxpE3wgt6QjM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=73&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dstriped%2Btoe%2Bsocks%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=striped+toe+socks&usg=__gmRpYYcH_fCZpD4eB9CCXA211hU=&docid=US1bKDgKBpg1lM&sa=X&ei=udvBUKiCCMuy0AHi6YCoDA&ved=0CFcQ9QEwBw&dur=1649"" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417kXAuzpNL.SX342.jpg&imgrefurl=www.amazon.com/Rainbow-Stripe-Socks-Foot-Traffic/dp/B001JECHBQ&h=420&w=342&sz=21&tbnid=rwXxpE3wgt6QjM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=73&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dstriped%2Btoe%2Bsocks%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=striped+toe+socks&usg=__gmRpYYcH_fCZpD4eB9CCXA211hU=&docid=US1bKDgKBpg1lM&sa=X&ei=udvBUKiCCMuy0AHi6YCoDA&ved=0CFcQ9QEwBw&dur=1649" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">these would do that dress justice.

Exactly stookie. Person A is my SIL. Person B is me.

In fact I have known my SIL to ri the shirt off my BIL's back and start frantically barking orders at him, and scrubbing at it under a running tap because he's dripped some dinner down it. It's a T shirt for crying out loud, not a silk and cashmere dinner jacket.

And <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=black+cat+slipper+socks&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&tbm=isch&tbnid=9d-VM0l-A7krKM:&imgrefurl=www.thatpetplace.com/dog-supplies/dog-boots&docid=BqZmqVuE74rVAM&imgurl=www.thatpetplace.com/256092.jpg&w=500&h=500&ei=cNzBUPjrMIea0QGR9oFQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=360&sig=102793031247227294812&page=3&tbnh=136&tbnw=136&start=54&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:58,s:0,i:262&tx=76&ty=66&biw=1010&bih=716" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">these for the dogs/mogs to save on paw wipes

alright, fine. I've said many times I don't ask people to take their shoes off, and that everyone I know does it voluntarily. They/ we are also not fretting over carpets and/or crying over spilt wine etc (we all have toddlers or small children and so I've had many occasion to see reactions to spills). I can see people would rather just think we're all crazy cleanliness nutcases because we take our shoes off inside someone's house. Because there's obviously no grey area, anywhere, and anyone who does differently to what you do must be completely weird. Okay. :)

are you tall or short word factory - as shorter people do like a heel for some height - would affect color of sock - can you get slippers with a heel?

stookie -

in my in laws - they have a special room we call the " no go zone" - it has the cream carpet - you are not allowed red wine in there or any coloured drinks - its MILS special room and its only used for ultra special visitors - or xmas - it can go unsed for the whole year until xmas and its not a big house....many a time we have been squashed into a small snug room - balancing on chair sides - being told off for that etc...whilst this large room sits empty.

we get offered white drinks and sit stiffly and ..." carefully" drinking them - whilst mil goes - " oooh careful of this -oooh careful of that...oh a crumb is about to go on my carpet - where is your plate" and they wonder why we dont go there any more for xmas!

When the room is not in use you sometimes had to walk through it to access a sun room at the end - everyone would walk in a hurrid way not really looking round - until they reached the sun room, as we all know we are not suuposed to be using the no go zone, its just an access route and not to be looked at even....

I even have it on vidoe my DD aged 3 taking ONE STEP from sun room - too - no go zone - and the FUSS that created. She didnt move anywhere -not running round touching , she is merley standing there looking lost and sad...and the PILS are going " ooh miss - what are you doing - come back in here" with a scared tone to thier voices!

Has anyone mentioned the "artisanal slippers" yet?

This is why hate carpets. Horrible, divisive, germ harbouring things...

Haha eliza, I know a couple of people with rooms like that. My nanna was one, another is a friend's mum.

There's nowt as queer as folk, hey?!

:( at your DD looking lost and sad in the no go zone!

www.gormleyfootwear.co.uk/ladies-bedroom-slippers-mule-wedge-heel--slip-in-black-sizes-45678-new-11143-p.asp

But greeneggs the OP did ask. And didn't accept the refusal.

And there have ben heaps of posters saying they would demand removal 'my house, my rules' stylee...

Clearly many people are highly inflexible even with guests.

actuallu word -

i THINK these ones...

www.kellisgifts.com/browse.cfm/4,12082.html

*eliza8 I think Max the dog has solved my slipper/heel dilemma.

But are we sure those heels wouldn't damage 100% laminate?

I think the little dog's expression in my link above sums up being forced to wear slippers against your will perfectly...

stookie

yes i have often thought about getting them all over here - in our small house - and as they go to sit on a sofa gently guide them back up - sorry - not today - we have decided not to sit on them at the moment - perch up on side board - oh and could we ask you to slip these paper shoes over your shoes - oh and i cant offer you tea today - would water be ok - ....

oh do enjoy yourselves - but if you want to wash your hands - give me a heads up so i can tell you which sink and how to do it....cheers....

wordfactory you're right, she did ask. And I admit, the asking would rankle, though I'd de-shoeing out of habit anyway.

I'm astounded by the tales of no-go zones in houses. I think I'd have to limit the amount of time we'd visit family, if that were the case.

It's one of those things that cuts both ways in that it's rude to insist that guests to your home remove their shoes, but equally, it's rude to go to someone's house, note that the host is barefoot, and not offer to remove yours.

It's also a cultural thing- in HK, it's definitely shoes off everywhere, mainly, I think, as most people live in apartments and have wooden floors so it's about noise. Therefore, even at parties, people take their shoes off so as not to really piss off the downstairs neighbours (prob why most people have their parties in bars). There is also a cleanliness element to it though. When I first came here I found it really odd, but now I'm just really used to it, and find it strange to be wearing shoes inside.

My understanding is that Sweden is also "shoes off"- people carry a pair of indoor ballet shoes in their bag to put on when they get to their destination

See, on one hand, the idea of carrying around ballet shoes appeals to me, for the one house I know who seems to like shoes off (but doesn't ask) but has a dog so the floors aren't as pristine as she thinks.

However, if I carried them with me, I wonder if that is showing a level of commitment to the cause that I'm not sure I want to display.

(thinking about it, though, the other friend who visits that house regularly with me has taken to leaving a pair of slippers there. So I'm obviously not the only person noticing it. Shall look for slippers!)

I dont blame people for wanting shoes off - but as others said above - for one off occasions suspend your shoe off policy to accomodate your guests and not embarrass them. If you have a lodger or a longer term guest - ask them to remove shoes, if you have people coming you havant seen in a while - etc etc suspend the rule.

If you feel you cannot do this - you shouldnt be hosting in my opinon or getting thier company. You should instead spend a nice evening in - by yourself - admiring your carpet.

Yes I agree eliza. I think especially when it's obvious there's an outfit planned, for example if you're having a special party where people have made an effort to dress up. I really would not expect people to take shoes off. Or, actually a personal issue for me, when you have an outfit which is perfectly warm enough because you can pair it with knee-high boots, but if the boots are off it's chilly.

People coming over during the week, well, I appreciate them taking their shoes off (again, I don't ask) because they are like myself, probably outdoors quite a bit with their small children.

PMSL at 'decontamination room with a chemical shower'

If someone wanted to leave their slippers at my house I'd be properly WTF about it. I haven't got room for our own clutter let alone somebody presuming to dump some more on me.

I don't think 'shoes off' people are cleanliness nuts at all. I don't honestly think too much about it.

However, those who keep a hamper of guest slippers are nuts alright.

The slipper-keeper and friend are very close, not sure if BFF or anything but they get together several times a week. She has a very casual house. If I'm honest, if I had someone visiting that frequently and they wanted to leave slippers on my general shoe rack in the front hall, I wouldn't be bothered. (But then, I've had time to get used to it, as people have communal slippers in Germany, where DH is from. I'd be much happier with leaving my own if I had the option!)

I find it incredibly rude when someone asks me to take my shoes off. Really, if you're that bothered, don't invite people round. Plus, I usually have holes in my socks/tights.