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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 5 year old kissing another 5 year old shouldn't involve a trip to the head teacher.

121 replies

ClutchingPearls · 04/12/2012 11:58

DD1 is in reception, doing well, never in trouble, is well liked by other pupils in the school and staff.

Another reception child ran up to her in the playground yesterday, kissed her on the lips and hugged her. Which I feel is completely innocent becasue he had come to school late, missed her because it was his first day back after chicken pox and they are 5 not 15.

School have taken a different approach, they think showing affection to you class mates is punishable. Its a C of E school with very strong links to the local church.

DD1 came out of school yesterday having been held back in the line, I think he was first. Teaching assistant then explained she was crying her eyes out as she had to see the headteacher because of kissing a boy. I laughed, then realised she was serious and have requested a call from head at some point today.

Teaching assistant has said it was just a friendly chat about kissing not being acceptable in school and to not look too much into it. DD1 obviously, like any 5 year old would, sees it as she's been so naughty that the heads had to tell her off.

DD1 won't tell me anymore but is completely traumatised by the whole thing, she worries about being told off and doesn't understand what she did so wrong. I've reasured her and told her I'll be ringing the school throughout the day and if she wants to come home let them know and I'll collect her.

Obviously the school handled it badly but what should I do now? Request the head teacher talks to DD and explains kissing isn't wrong but they would rather not have it in school? Or move on? We plan on inviting the boy for tea, this a good idea or will it make a bigger deal out of it?

OP posts:
HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 04/12/2012 12:42

"I think kissing on the lips is for lovers.Kissing a child on the lips is weird"

What's weird is to make comparisons between two very different types of kiss!

It's like saying to a breastfeeding mum, "that's weird, breasts are for lovers"

Utter nonsense.

chrismissymoomoomee · 04/12/2012 12:43

Kissing a child on the lips is weird Xmas Shock

Really

There is always one of my kids puckering up for a right smacker on the lips. I think its more weird not to kiss your child tbh. What are you supposed to do? Push them away and tell them its dirty? Turn your cheek?

Rollmops · 04/12/2012 12:43

Utter idiocy by the school. Insist demand to speak to the head and the teachers involved and explain to them that their behavior was totally unacceptable and traumatising to 5 year old children. Tell them that such nonsense by the teaching staff must stop at once and if you hear of similar overreactions you shall take it up with the Governors etc.
Put the lot on the naughty step.
Angry

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss · 04/12/2012 12:45

Sorry OP. YANBU, i would be pretty annoyed with school handling this so badly. What they did was perfectly normal, innocent and cute.

BunnyLebowski · 04/12/2012 12:45

Shock at the people on here who don't kiss their wee ones on the lips.

Unhygenic? For lovers??

Hmm How utterly fucking weird and wrong.

RudolphGnu · 04/12/2012 12:45

Why do you think kissing a child on the lips is weird, socharlotte?

blanksquit · 04/12/2012 12:48

It's pretty commonplace in our cofe infants for dc to kiss each other. I'm wondering if they are trying to teach boundaries, what with all the bugs going round and also perhaps the other dc or parent has complained? But I would have thought the TA or teacher could have dealt with it.

Mine has a friend who's a bit aggressive with her shows of affection - sort of squeezing her pretty hard and wet sloppy kisses - she absolutely hates it.

Maybe just ask a bit more about it? It does sound like an overreaction but you never know what the thinking behind it is.

BuntysFestiveCollocks · 04/12/2012 12:49

Absolutely ridiculous. My son is coming up on 2, and he and a little girl a few months older regularly hold hands, cuddle and kiss at nursery. I think it's incredibly sweet, and I just hope he's as affectionate with his sister when she arrives!

Pantofino · 04/12/2012 12:50

This is mad! Mind you, I live abroad and you have to kiss everyone - not always a pleasant prospect. My dd would kiss her friends. In fact normally when I collect her - I have to kiss her friends, or be kissed. It is a normal greeting thing.

autumnlights12 · 04/12/2012 12:54

schools seem to worry about the sexualisation of children in this way. It is bloody ridiculous and over the top. My eldest two are at middle school now, where it's obvious the teachers are a bit more street wise and hardened to the realities of children, but at lower school it's different. When my eldest were at lower school I was spoken to for these reasons:

  1. because dd2 (who was 8 at the time) put a cushion up her jumper and pretended to be pregnant. Stern words at the school door, very 'inappropriate' etc.
  2. because dd1 was 'getting too close to a boy in her class, holding hands on the school coach and the teacher told me it was 'inappropriate'. Same teacher that dd2 had- she made me feel that my eight year old was caught having sex, not holding a boys hands.

This was also a Church (CofE) school.
Guess where dd3 is going?
To another school. With no Church affiliations!

HoratiaLovesBabyJesus · 04/12/2012 12:56

I wish DS2 wasn't kissing me on the lips today - he keeps being sick.

The school's reaction does seem odd. Once they realised DD was upset they should have been managing that emotion, not laughing it off.

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain · 04/12/2012 12:56

Well the culture of a lot of MNs going 'over the top' is obviously spreading isn't it?

How many times do you read threads where a lot of people take things far far too seriously?

autumnlights12 · 04/12/2012 12:59

I think the teacher was taking things far too seriously. not the poster. To be taken aside and spoken to about something like this, is ridiculous. And the school need to be told that their handling of it is wrong. Otherwise they'll carry on with their over the top reactions..

pigletmania · 04/12/2012 13:01

Totally stupid. It's horrible that little ones innocence is being tarnished

happybubblebrain · 04/12/2012 13:01

I'm constantly hearing on here about the crazy antics of faith schools. I'm still baffled why people automatically think of faith schools as good schools. I went to a Catholic school for two years and it was the exact opposite of good.

In what universe is showing affection to a friend a bad thing? The school is clearly bonkers.

Fakebook - kissing your child is not unhygenic.

fishandlilacs · 04/12/2012 13:07

at the people on here who don't kiss their wee ones on the lips.

Unhygenic? For lovers??

How utterly fucking weird and wrong.

This exactly.

I thought it was joke!

piprabbit · 04/12/2012 13:10

There are so, so many ways the school could have handled this better:

  1. the teacher has a quite word with both children as soon as they are spotted, along the the lines "we don't kiss here".

  2. teacher uses circle time to talk about kissing to the whole class - without singling out any individual children.

  3. teacher ignores kissing as it really is a non-issue.

I don't understand why the HT had to be involved, nor do I understand why the children were made to feel 'naughty'. It is pushing the parents into having to have a conversation about inappropriate kissing which they may not want ot have with a 5yo. Very, very sad situation.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 04/12/2012 13:15

Think the school went way overboard and agree with most of the advice above

Re kissing on the lips

We discourae this because my mum has been cursed with a life of cold sores after her great auntie kissed her on the lips.

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/12/2012 13:26

I agree that the school have handled this terribly. It sounds like someone has done a module somewhere covering inappropriate touching, and now this innocent act has been blown up into something it's really not. How lovely for friends to show affection to each other.

I'm also with Rhine. I'm not at all comfortable with the message this is sending out to little girls. In trouble and given the blame for something a boy has done to them? I'd be raising this with the HT in writing with a request for a response. And no, I don't think that's over-reacting at all.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/12/2012 13:37

I kiss DS on the lips. And on his feet. And knees. And his squigdy bum.

Total over reaction by the school

YANBU :(

fuzzypicklehead · 04/12/2012 13:39

FFS! Do they not have any real problems at that school? I've seen kids punch, push, pinch, bite and kick without being sent to the head. But kiss a mate and that's cause for a telling off? I would be having a word with the head.

Fakebook · 04/12/2012 13:49

💰I kiss DS on the lips. And on his feet. And knees. And his squigdy bum.

Total over reaction by the school

That's not the point though. I kiss my baby's feet, legs and bum too, but is it appropriate for a child to do it to another child? I don't think so.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 04/12/2012 13:51

They're Five, Fakebook Confused

choceyes · 04/12/2012 13:56

OP, why is your DD punished for something that the boy did? That is ridiculous! The whole thing is ridiculous. YANBU.

I don't kiss my DCs on the lips either. I cuddle them, kiss them on the head, hair, cheeks, legs, etc. I'm a very touchy feely mum, but never kissed on the lips as it feel weird to do so, for me personally. I@m not saying people who do it are weird at all, just that personally it's not for me. I'm from a different culture though.
Saying that, my DH who is from this culture, never kisses the DCs on the lips either and he is very tactile with the DCs too. His family never kiss their children on the lips and his family is very affectionate and loving. TBH, I have RARELY seen lip kissing of DCs in this country and I've lived here for 20 years now. I'm shocked (not in a bad way!) that so many ppl on here do it!

inkonapin · 04/12/2012 13:57

What's so weird about kissing your child on the lips?! Wtf?
Op Yanbu. No 5year old should ever be sent to the headteacher's office, IMO, but punishing affection? What does that teach?

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