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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message my DB and tell him he is a thoughtless twat?

29 replies

balia · 03/12/2012 21:18

Two weeks ago my DB rang our folks and said he (and his DW and DD) would be coming up this weekend (just gone). My DM cancelled work, DF bought a huge joint and they both sat and waited. And waited.

DB didn't turn up. DM texted - just a general 'how is the weather' type thing - and the reply convinced her that they had forgotten, so she didn't mention it.

FFS. DB very rarely makes the effort but expects DP's to be on parade when he wants them (eg Christmas). I know I am lucky to live near my folks and have all the support they give us - but DB is only a couple of hours away.

Should I message DB and say something? Or leave it?

OP posts:
Convert · 03/12/2012 21:20

I would send him a message and tell him how bloody thoughtless he has been. That's so rude.

squeakytoy · 03/12/2012 21:20

I would double check that they got the right date. Otherwise yes, that is damn rude and I would have to say something.

MaltesersR4LifenotJust4Xmas · 03/12/2012 21:20

I would, siblings can generally get away with pulling up on twattishness behaviour. yanbu

ohfunnyface · 03/12/2012 21:21

Rude. Message and ask him why.

Blu · 03/12/2012 21:22

YABU to text and tell him he is a thoughtless twat.

YANBU to text and say 'Do you realise DM and DF were expecting you this weekend? Did you forget or what? Are you OK? Can you call them? Big joint going to waste in the fridge...'

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 03/12/2012 21:22

I would tell him just how disappointed your parents were. You are in a unique position so to speak, as his sibling, to "say what no one else will" iyswim.
Your poor parents must have been so disappointed :( Hopefully your brother is just thoughtless rather than selfish, and a message will wake him up to himself.

Pancakeflipper · 03/12/2012 21:22

I would. But that's cos mine would expect me to say "Oi, where the hell were you?"

Guess it depends if you have a sulky DB who will go into a huge huff and ruin Christmas over it or one who says " oh shit, sorry." and then make amends.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/12/2012 21:24

of course I would...why are you even hesitating ?

StinkyWicket · 03/12/2012 21:26

Yes I would.

Rowgtfc72 · 03/12/2012 21:28

You should. I would but hate rocking the boat. Havent seen my db since last April. Apparently he appeared this September and had a huff because we werent in for his unannounced visit. We were on our Honeymoon

DorsetKnob · 03/12/2012 21:29

Absolutely message him.

Original poster
balia · 03/12/2012 21:29

Right, have messaged. Just said that the folks were expecting them and had they got the right date. Will have to see what occurs.

OP posts:
Vix286 · 03/12/2012 21:30

I was Hmm at "brought a huge joint" until another poster said about it being in the fridge....

YANBU to message him OP

muriel76 · 03/12/2012 21:30

I would be asking my bro what had happened before laying into him. It seems unbelievably thoughtless and rude that he would do that, makes me wonder if your parents and he may have been at crossed purposes?

Pancakeflipper · 03/12/2012 21:31
Grin Snorts at Vix286.
Vix286 · 03/12/2012 21:34

I assumed at first it was a relaxed family do....

HairyGrotter · 03/12/2012 21:34

I thought 'Whoa, they had a huge joint and he didn't show?' for a moment, I'd be over there like a tramp on chips, but yes, glad you messaged him

Blu · 03/12/2012 21:35

But...but...why don't your parents say anything? Why didn't they call and say 'where are you?'.

SweetMingePie · 03/12/2012 21:35

Xmas Grin Vix

He could have genuinely forgot. Although I've a BIL who is very insensitive like this, always saying he is coming up and never does.

abbierhodes · 03/12/2012 21:42

I wouldn't have waited until now, tbh. I think these situations only happen because of a severe lack of communication.
Son your mother last spoke to him 2 weeks ago and assumed it was still on? What time was he supposed to be arriving? Why didn't she call about half an hour after that time?

If that had been my family, there would have been several text messages in during the 2 week period: 'I'm cancelling work for that weekend, will you be here both days?' 'Going to butchers later, what would you both prefer to eat?' 'Will have the roast ready for 2ish, let me know what time you're setting off' 'Text me when you're ten mins away, will put kettle on' ...that kind of thing. Not just silence for 2 weeks and then sitting around in your Sunday best. It seems somewhat passive aggressive, almost willing them to let you down.

Original poster
balia · 03/12/2012 22:44

I only found out about them not showing today. They were only due for the day Sunday - they are routinely rubbish at showing for a particular time, so DP's have given up asking what time they might be arriving. I think they felt by the time they realised DB wasn't coming it was too late so would make him feel bad? Don't think it can have been a misunderstanding - DB rang and said they would be coming up this particular weekend.

Anyway, his wife has messaged to say they must have forgotten, they hope they haven't upset DP's, they have just had a lot on. So what now? Shall I suggest they call, tell them they missed a nice dinner (kind of light-hearted but letting them know, IYSWIM)

OP posts:
DIYapprentice · 03/12/2012 23:15

If it was my DB I wouldn't be light hearted!

2tired2bewitty · 03/12/2012 23:20

Why has it not occurred to your DB and SIL that they should be phoning to apologise?

My brother would be getting short shrift here, especially if he had form for this kind of thing

Blu · 03/12/2012 23:28

I would tell your SIL 'Did you realise that Mum took a day off work? And that they bought a joint and cooked? I don't know if they are upset, but it sounds worth an apology to me, and tell DB to get a diary'.

Kalisi · 03/12/2012 23:33

I may have missed something here and probably have seeing as I'm the only one who seems to think yabu Blush
There is surely a very real and genuine possibility that he forgot? The whole confusion could have easily been avoided if your Mother had just reminded him on the phone that they were expecting them. Very strange that she didn't even think to say "Oh are you not coming up this weekend then?" when he mentioned his other plans.
Although once you did remind him he should have been straight on the phone to apologise.