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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

367 replies

RainbowsFriend · 03/12/2012 21:10

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! Grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder Grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

OP posts:
goralka · 05/12/2012 00:46

5madthings it was just a suggestion to OP to avoid rude comments....

Petisa · 05/12/2012 00:47

Dd2 is 27 months and I still feed her in public occasionally. I've never had any weird looks or angry comments, and quite frankly I couldn't give a feck what anyone else thinks. My dd1 was ff from one week old and dd2 is still bf - so what I say! I find people who go on about stopping by one or two years etc very weird. You go ahead OP.

5madthings · 05/12/2012 00:51

but she shouldnt have to try and avoid rude comments. people shouldnt be so rude in the first place!

Petisa · 05/12/2012 00:53

OP at least you don't have a four year old loudly explaining to everyone that her sister is drinking milk "FROM MUMMY'S NIPPLE"!

Totally my fault for teaching her the word. Thinking maybe twee is better tbh!

goralka · 05/12/2012 00:56

well that is so true 5madthings people are just bloody rude when you have children as though you are public property or something....whatever you do/do not do!

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 05/12/2012 00:58

YABU to take any comments to heart - I feed my 8 week old in public and overhear people discussing it, so yab a tad u to expect people not to remark on bf at a more unusual age imo. Just ignore it.

Cat98 · 05/12/2012 07:54

Op- YANBU.

Donkey - I am intrigued. You say people are only picking and choosing what they respond to, yet you have not responded to one of the very valid points made to you and other judgy people.
The WHO recommend bfing until 2 yrs and beyond. As has been pointed out, this is a global recommendation. For all children. They recommend this because there is evidence that it is optimal for health and development. How do you equate that with your 'opinion'?

MrsMelons · 05/12/2012 08:02

Of course toddlers need to drink but cow's milk or juice is quite sufficient to quench their thirst.

My friends DD drank a lot of milk during the day at that age and the HV told her she needed to stop as she wasn't actually eating enough proper food for her age and that she needed more nutrients by then than the milk provides.

As I said I would have love to still been able to feed them at that age still but my personal preference would have been at home, morning and night, so we could have quiet time together but thats just me - I cannot see the necessity in the middle of the day when you are out - BUT I actually wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing it and think people would be rude to comment in front of you whilst you are doing it!

5madthings · 05/12/2012 08:44

why give a toddler cows milk to drink when they can have a drink if himan milk made uniquely for them and tailored for their needs? for example immune benefits etc.

and toddlers dont need juice particularly.

breast milk is the perfect drink and food for toddlers. i am sure the ops dd drinks other things as well. but she wanted a bfeed which is the biological norm.

festivelyfocussed · 05/12/2012 08:44

Really there is far too much unsolicited opinion about how we feed our babies.
My husband was amazed and quite disapproving that mothers would feed their tiny babies with formula. Thankfully, although judgemental, he had the good manners not to voice his opinion in the hearing of anyone who was bottle feeding because that would have been rude and unneccessary.
FYI, It's not just babies / children that benenefit from so called "extended breastfeeding" For every year that a woman breastfeeds her breast cancer risk falls by a further 2%. Win - Win.
18 months is still very young for a toddler who wants to keep BFing.

hackmum · 05/12/2012 08:52

YANBU. I haven't waded through all the comments but continuing to breastfeed to 18 months and beyond is perfectly normal, and WHO guidelines recommend up to the age of 2. (No doubt someone has already made this point.)

Ignore them. They are just silly, spiteful women.

SomersetONeil · 05/12/2012 08:54

Well, there you go, MrsMelons - your pronoucements about appropriate beverages for day-time drinking are good for you and only you.

Might as well, as you suggest, let others get on with it the way they want to do it...

knackeredoutmum · 05/12/2012 08:57

whyever should you express milk to feed your 18month old? What a pointless waste time that would be.

You are going to have to ignore interfering bags. It is none of their business, if you have the nerve then you could take them up on it and explain that health services recommend feeding up to 2 years

MrsMelons · 05/12/2012 09:18

Somerset I cannot really make out your tone or what you are getting at TBH.

The whole point of the thread is to give opinions to the OP and I believe I have been clear that they are just my opinions and I have said all along I think the OP INBU.

Like another poster said about their DH I cannot understand why someone would not at least try to breastfeed their baby to begin with but I would not dream of making a comment to someone about it if they chose not to as that would not be good manners!

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 05/12/2012 09:19

To respond to one post above actually I think juice for a toddler is completely unnecessary and harmful to teeth etc. She drinks either water or breastfeeds if I'm around - and water mostly if I'm not but as I said the childminder gives her cows milk which I'm not that bothered about, but consider it unnecessary.

Human milk is far superior to cows milk for humans. I'm sure cows milk is far superior to human milk for cows in turn, so why would I want to cut down on breastfeeds and give her cows milk instead from a nutritional viewpoint Confused.

As for her bfeeding too much - well she eats plenty of solids, and has an extremely varied diet if I compare her to her formula fed friends - she eats what I eat except with a bit less chocolate and tea Grin just she likes a cuddle/breastfeed as well!

As for her feeding in the night, nutritionally no she does not need it and occasionally will have water if offered when she wakes during the night instead. However a bfeed gets her back to sleep MUCH MUCH quicker than a drink of water, and I like my sleep. She is in a cosleeper cot so it's easiest to bfeed her rather than rummage around for where her beaker has got to in the dark. I don't know about you, but I wake in the night for a drink several times, and always have done. Why shouldn't she? Confused

I've explained about using the term "mummy milk" - I meant to put it in " " to signify that is what she had said, but didn't as I was probably multi-tasking as usual. I'm really surprised that this is what has a lot of people hung up on.

OK so IANBU to feed her in public, but should expect comments and stares as it is not usual. Certainly not round here anyway (even bfeeding a littley is unusual round here :( ) As I am not very brave this may mean that I resort to trying to offer water or food more insistently as a replacement when out and about instead.

OP posts:
babybarrister · 05/12/2012 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 05/12/2012 09:26

Why? Confused

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 05/12/2012 09:27

My apologies for the juice comments, TBH my 2 generally had water or the baby juice that is ok from 4 months, it was more a figure of speech meaning just a drink.

Technically no one should need to wake for a drink in the night, it just means you are not hydrated enough from what you drink in the day. Of course we all do at times I am sure but that is the only reason you would need to drink in the night.

I am a bit jealous that you can still feed your DD as I could only do 9 weeks - lovely to still have those cuddles!

5madthings · 05/12/2012 09:29

rainbow dont feel.you shouldnt bfeed in public :( you may get negative looks/comments but you are also letting people know its ok and sering yoi bfeed your toddlet may give another mum the confidence to do the same!

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 05/12/2012 09:29

And I'm sorry, genuinely, that it makes you feel like that - but at least they had those 9 weeks. Was it lack of support?

OP posts:
EauRougelyNight · 05/12/2012 09:34

No, comments and stares are very unusual. You were just unlucky.

SomersetONeil · 05/12/2012 09:37

MrsM - it was just your comment about not being sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still, and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only, with food to fill them up during the day.

And then reiterating further by saying that you 'cannot see the necessity during the day when you are out'.

It just seem very proscriptive. There is probably, strictly, no necessity - beyond the OP preferring to give her DC breastmilk over cow's milk. Children need to drink during the day - why not drink their own species' milk?

You say you wouldn't have a problem with someone else doing it, but you bely that by saying 'you cannot see the necessity during the day' and 'cow's milk is quite sufficient to quench their thirst'. Those comments seem really quite judgemental, and designed to make others feel in the wrong, and I'm just challenging them a bit, is all...

SomersetONeil · 05/12/2012 09:45

"Technically no one should need to wake for a drink in the night, it just means you are not hydrated enough from what you drink in the day. Of course we all do at times I am sure but that is the only reason you would need to drink in the night."

Grin Actually, maybe it's just the way you word things. You write extremely, um, definitively.

The only reason somone might want a drink at night time is because they're not hydrated enough during the day...? Xmas Grin You can speak for all humans? There might not be any other perfectly legitimate reasons at all?

MrsMelons · 05/12/2012 09:48

Ok fair enough Somerset I didn't mean it to come across like that. I just meant it wouldn't be for me in that way but I wouldn't be behaving like those women did or have an issue with it. Everyone parents differently so its not right to say its the right or wrong way but everyone is entitled to have an opinion - thats all!

Rainbow thanks - no with DS1 it was medical reasons so just one of those things. With DS it was behavioural issues with DS1 who was 2 so it was more personal reasons that time.

greenbananas · 05/12/2012 09:49

Of course YANBU. Slightly unreasonable to ask on mumsnet though, as it is bound to start an argument. I haven't got time to read the whole thread, and I suspect that some parts of it would annoy me anyway. No doubt somebody has already pointed that the WHO guidelines for all children worldwide are that they are breastfed until they are at least around 2 years old. It's not often done in the UK though.

If you are going to breastfeed an 18 month old toddler in public, you will have to develop a thick skin Smile However, when more people feel comfortable breastfeeding their toddlers, this will help to normalise it, so that hopefully the next generation of western mums will feel more comfortable discreetly breastfeeding their toddlers in public.

There will always be some people who judge. I was judged for breastfeeding and now I am judged for feeding my child McDonalds chips and letting him go to preschool dressed as Batman.

Hope you haven't had too many judgy comments on this thread...