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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

367 replies

RainbowsFriend · 03/12/2012 21:10

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! Grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder Grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 19:05

:) Thanks SirBoobAlot Thanks

OP posts:
AndABigBirdInaPearTree · 04/12/2012 19:05

speak for yourself. Ours was called MAM in a very demanding and loud one year old voice.

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 19:10

Yes, I would much prefer my daughter said "mummy milk!" than "boobies!" or even "breastmilk!"

"mummy milk!" could be construed as "Mummy, - Milk!"
(ie doesn't specify to strangers that it's not cows milk or formula).

Anyway, it's the phrase she has come up with all on her own. Previously - it was just "milk" or before that "mmmi". It only became "mummy milk" when the childminder started giving her cows milk and called it "milk".

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 19:12

Loving that so many other children have also come up with the same phrase! Grin

OP posts:
KissysUnderTheMisteltoe · 04/12/2012 19:21

OP YANBU!

And what a lot of horrible people to criticise you for feeding your child in a completely natural way in public!!

Please don't be ashamed to feed your DD like this again, if people have a problem with it then that's their problem.

Sorry they upset you and that you've had some negative comments on here

gimmecakeandcandy · 04/12/2012 19:36

Chill out donkey hit a nerve have I? I bet I have. I really couldn't care less about your extremely silly opinion - that is what it is - silly, idiotic and quite moronic.

IneedAsockamnesty · 04/12/2012 19:38

Would anybody like to come take a walk to visit some cows and upset them by saying that's cows milk dontca know. Xmas Grin

gimmecakeandcandy · 04/12/2012 19:38

Op - yaNOTbu to call it mummymilk - people who have a problem with that are being stupid.

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 04/12/2012 20:16

i think mummy milk is okay too.
mummy is wee but that's what you call yourself when you have babies.
mum milk would sound weird.

festivelyfocussed · 04/12/2012 20:20

Good grief. Of course it's not unreasonable to call it mummy milk.
Ffs!

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 04/12/2012 20:20

rainbow.

if they were a post natal group with their newborns then i think it's great that they saw you.
it will make them all go home with a new thought in their minds.
and who knows, one or two of them might now bf until 2 because they've seen ut can be done and it is perfectly normal.

midori1999 · 04/12/2012 20:58

YWNBU, but surely you know that now?!

If people think it's 'icky' to BF a toddler, or want to voice ignorant opinions about it loudly in public, then let them. If you don't feel able to say anything if people are rude to you then just ignore them.

I BF my 18 month old in public fairly often, not usually that discreetly if I'm honest as I usually just pull my top up or down, whichever is easiest with what I'm wearing. Only last week I fed DD in her carrier while walking through a busy shopping centre. I have never noticed one look or had one comment, in fact, I'm fairly certain most people are too busy with their own lives to even notice what I'm doing. Then again, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks, so maybe that's why I don't notice?

Walkingchloe · 04/12/2012 21:28

Wow this has opened my eyes to future potential issues! I'm currently bf 4mo DS and thought MN would be the place to come for complete support in bf a child of any age to be honest!

I love bf and although my mil is horrified that I won't be switching to formula in 2 months time at the moment I feel like there is no chance of me stopping until DS is done with bf. I realise that might change in the future though! What really pisses me off about the whole thing is that I would never comment about someone bottle feeding a toddler in public so why should anyone comment about me bf?

And do WHO guidelines mean nothing to some people? Oh, hang on because we live in a developed country we should switch our kids to cows milk or formula because its available and we can afford it. But the babies of third world mums who struggle to even access clean water should keep receiving the immunological and bonding benefits of breast milk??!! Bonkers!

Babies of mums the world over should be able to have the benefits of bf for as long as mum and child want to carry on and anyone who can't cope with seeing glimpses of a naked breast in public being used to feed a child needs to get a life.

MrsMelons · 04/12/2012 22:29

YANBU as it is completely up to you however I am not sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only with food to fill them up during the day.

I do think it is lovely to breastfeed as long as you possibly can though, I would feel a bit uncomfortable feeding a child of that age in public but would have loved to still have been able to feed my DCs at home in particular before bed at that age. I would be concerned if they weren't sleeping at 18 months because they wanted feeding (sorry if I have misunderstood your OP if thats not what you meant).

midori1999 · 04/12/2012 22:37

Mrsmelons, it is perfectly normal for a toddler of 18 months to still feed during the night. It's certainly not a cause for concern. Hmm

MrsMelons · 04/12/2012 22:47

midori sorry - I really didn't realise. I don't know anyone who's toddler feeds in the night, I assumed they eat enough during the day at that age. I can only go on my/my friends experiences.

Didn't mean to offend - I honestly thought it was odd!

RacHoHoHog · 04/12/2012 22:53

Ywnbu

However my ds is only 3 months and I am already feeling like I will have to keep it a secret if we go past one

Dp was convinced that I wouldn't stick with it, then said he thought 6 months was long enough. Now be thinks we should start dropping feeds at 1 so I am winning him round.

Mylittlepuds · 04/12/2012 23:12

But OP called it mummy milk. Her toddler calling it is obviously of no issue but using the phrase to other adults just sounds weird. There was no need to mention it.

Re bfing an 18 month old in public? It would certainly be a shocking image where I live and not the norm - but then again to see a woman BFing a baby where I live is a refreshing change.

I have a 19 month old and just cannot for the life of me imagine feeding him now - for no other reason other than it seems so long ago I can't even remember what it was like. I stopped when he was 10 months. Perhaps that's how these other women who saw you feel - they just can't get their heads around it. Nothing 'wrong' in it but I'd argue it's certainly not the norm. And when things aren't the norm you're going to get looks and comments - like if you were to wear your shirt back to front. It just goes against the grain and surely you're to expect it? I wouldn't be upset though - i'd be confident in my choice and think I was hopefully helping to change things in my own way.

LynetteScavo · 04/12/2012 23:22

You know YANBU

You also know lots of people think you are, and others don't.

Job done.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 04/12/2012 23:28

Midori, I'd like to respectfully disagree - it's not necessary for any child to be fed anything in the middle of the night.

LynetteScavo · 04/12/2012 23:56

Sometimes it is if you want to keep them quite and have a decent nights sleep.

SomersetONeil · 04/12/2012 23:57

"however I am not sure why an 18 month old would be having milk during the day still and would expect them to be having morning and night time milk only with food"

Surely 18MOs need to drink during the day...? Confused And why not breastmilk, as anything else?

My 2 and 3 YOs drink cow's milk during the day. Is this weird, or something?

goralka · 05/12/2012 00:05

it is up to you what you do, of course, but to be honest I don't think you should be surprised at negative comments if you do it in public. Perhaps just do it night?

5madthings · 05/12/2012 00:10

it depends what you mean by necessary. from a nutritional pov most dont need milk in the night at 18mths. but its not only about nutrition, its comforting and soothing and as lynette said if it means they sleep, why not. two of mine still bfed in thd night at that age, they grew out of it when they were ready. its certainly not unusual.or something to be concerned about.

goralka why should she only do.it at night?! its fine for her dd to feed and the other parents were being bloody rude.

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 05/12/2012 00:17

Do what you wish and I don't see why people are reacting to what you call it.

Also next time you go take a child of a bout 9/10 to ask for mummys milk. Their heads will explode Grin