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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to breastfeed my toddler in public?

367 replies

RainbowsFriend · 03/12/2012 21:10

My 18 month DD still breastfeeds a lot. Day and night, if I'm around and not at work.

I don't have a problem with this, (although I would like more sleep! Grin) but it's increasingly becoming awkward when out and about, as toddlers don't cuddle in nicely but squirm and pop on and off a lot.

Today we were in a garden centre cafe, and having polished off most of her lunch, half of my sandwiches AND most of a flapjack, DD wanted mummy milk.
So I obliged. As discreetly as possible with one top up/ on top down, DD tucked in under my jumper and facing a wall.

Then all I can hear is the group of mums on the table behind me saying "it shouldn;t be allowed when they're that age - they should be down to morning and evening feeds MAXIMUM - in fact they should be on formula/cows milk by 6 months/a year" etc. There were about 5 mums all loudly discussing it....

I think my daughter should be allowed mummy milk for as long as she wants it personally. She's not still going to be feeding aged 8 - and she's only 18 months now! I am getting VERY fed up with stares when this happens and really don't want to be confined to the house. I could ask her to wait, but she doesn't really understand that yet - and just asks louder and louder Grin

So WIBU to feed her in public?

OP posts:
Llareggub · 04/12/2012 16:05

Your opinion is entirely irrational though.

EauRougelyNight · 04/12/2012 16:06

I really am right though.

Pumpkinlatte · 04/12/2012 16:08

OP - YANBU at all, but you are being unreasonable to want everyone else be happy for you. Do what you want to do, it's none of anyone else's business. If those other women want to passively aggressively criticise you, let them. They are entitled to do whatever they want, just as much as you are. They owe you nothing, you owe them nothing.

Separately (and it is a separate point), what ALWAYS gets to me about these threads is how BF women feel like they're doing something so completely, utterly wonderful, even the best thing they possibly could for a child of whatever age they're talking about, by BFing for as long as they do. As they themselves, say, it's just natural.

This uniform, mass hysteria about BFing is ridiculous. Nutrition is but one aspect of child rearing, significant only up to the point of not letting your child be malnourished, or being adequately nourished. I can't help but wonder whether these very same women are as evangelical about the other food they feed their children, or about behavioural or educational development, about teaching their children to be nice people etc. Which just makes me wonder how much of this really is about the child's nutrition, and how much of it is about vaunting the BFing woman's efforts...

nellyjelly · 04/12/2012 16:16

I see no evangelical women or even mass hysteria. Just women stating their reasonable motivations for BFing.

BertieBotts · 04/12/2012 16:20

Pumpkin I have honestly never met anyone who feels like that about breastfeeding, and I have friends who are bordering on evangelical about breastfeeding!

Perhaps it comes across in such a way because people are always having to defend themselves against ignorant loons who say it makes a child dependent or it's full of sugar or it turns to water after x amount of months or whatever.

I don't breastfeed my 4.2 year old because I think it will make him a superhero. I just don't see the point of weaning when he will stop by himself at some point.

Llareggub · 04/12/2012 16:24

Actually, one of the reasons why I breastfed in the first place because I could no be faffed with bottle washing and sterilising. Far easier to sit on a sofa and whip out a tit. It also irritated the hell out of my MIL. So yes, it is all about the wonderful effors I have made. Hmm

One of the great things about bfing is that once you get the hang of it, there is practically no effort involved, particularly if yo co-sleep too.

AlphaBeta82 · 04/12/2012 16:24

I also have to say I don't even see 18months as 'extended breastfeeding', which seems to be what a lot of this thread debates - what is the definition of 'extended breastfeeding'?

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 04/12/2012 16:28

i class extended as beyond 2 years, but most people class it as beyond 6 months.

snowtunesgirl · 04/12/2012 16:29

I don't think there is a definition. As shown here, some people think that anything over 6 months is "extended".

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 04/12/2012 16:31

llegrub - exactly (apart from MIL thing - it weirds out my mum, though, so Grin)

DD would have been really upset this week without BF.
she's been poorly and we've been poorly, hardly eating ourselves, so it made a lot of sense still to be BFing when we can all lie in bed and give DD nutritionally complete food with no effort at all.

stormforce10 · 04/12/2012 16:34

I do not have time to read 11 pages but YANBU. Did you know the World Health Organisation recommend that infants continue to receive breast milk up to the age of 2? here are their recommendations on weaning

I fed DD untl she was 23 months but only found out about the above a year or so later. I intend to continue feeding DS (4 months now)until the same age and if people don't like it they can look in another direction. I'm concerned about my children not their sensibilities

mumnosbest · 04/12/2012 16:36

I've read most of the thread but very quickly so sorry if I missed anything.
I feel like i've just slipped into an alternate reality. 18 months is now extended bf? really? Hmm Op should be able to bf where and when she likes. if the other mums didn't like it then they should keep their opinions to themselves. OP shouldn't expect everyone to feel as she does but should be free to follow her beliefs without criticism. A vegetarian would be slated for openly criticising a meat eater in public even though it might repulse them. OP was only doing something natural that others have chosen not to do :(

stormforce10 · 04/12/2012 16:37

Oh and like some of you the prospect of mixing formula and washing bottles is more than enough incentive to BF (don't think my MIL minds though!)

mumnosbest · 04/12/2012 16:37

OP you are definately not BU.

wheredoistartmrs · 04/12/2012 16:37

yes

FutureNannyOgg · 04/12/2012 16:44

stormforce, the recommendation is "2 years and beyond", the reason they say 2 is simply because there is not much research with bf children past the age of 2, we know it is beneficial up to 2, and we can extrapolate that it past that, but there would have to be more proof before they said "up to 3/4/whatever".

OP, I got bored after 3 pages, but YANBU, I fed DS1 wherever he asked until his feeds cut back to the point that he wasn't asking for it when we were out (usually because he was too busy). I think commenting on it is rude, they can have an opinion, but to talk about someone else (let alone make derogatory comments) in earshot is just bloody rude.

regarding mummymilk, my DS called it milk, and cows milk was "cow juice", because anything in a beaker was juice to him Grin

Lia87 · 04/12/2012 16:49

Your not being at all unreasonable, well done for keeping breastfeeding up so long!
WHO recommendations is to breast feed until 2 anyway, and even past then whats it got to do with them. Its good for her, its not like your giving her chocolate or anything unhealthy, yet i doubt they'd comment on that.

I've never heard a reason against breastfeeding past 1 other than an unexplained 'its wrong'. Judgements like that show a lack of understanding and poor reasoning in my opinion.

PoppyAmex · 04/12/2012 16:50

PumpkinLatte I totally agree with you (and I speak as a breastfeeder).

Charleymouse · 04/12/2012 17:57

YANBU

Still feeding dd2 who was 3 last week and who also calls it "Mummy's" milk to differentiate it from "cows" milk.

They were rude! i have not used it yet but i love the line "did you mean to be so rude?"

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 18:08

Oh my goodness this really ran! (sorry)

OK so I have agreed that IWBU to call it "mummy milk" in my thread - I suppose I could have put the phrase in speech marks as I meant that that is what she had asked for - her specific phrase. I don't use the phrase normally unless in conversation with my daughter. However....

Thank you for all the support - as well as the people saying IWBU to feed her in public at this age I think there have been many more people in support.

However, just knowing that there are such people who really do think it is "ick" and disgusting, I think in future I wont be quite so free and easy to comply with her requests to breastfeed in public in the future. It really upsets me when I get the stares and loud comments, and I'm not brave enough to say something so that really is my only recourse.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one still bfeeding at this age though :)

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 18:13

By the way - I'm not bfeeding my child in public as a public show - vaunting how wonderful I am. I do it because it makes her happy, makes her feel secure, and when she's ill it nourishes her when she can't keep even water down.

And yes - the women were all mothers with very young babies - looked like an antenatal class meet up type thing.

OP posts:
Mylittlepuds · 04/12/2012 18:15

YABU to call it mummy milk

Original poster
RainbowsFriend · 04/12/2012 18:16

Yes, I've already agreed that! (Twice)

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 04/12/2012 18:57

All those saying not to call it mummy milk... What would you suggest that young children call it? Even my very vocal three year old wouldn't say "Mother dear, I would love some breast milk, if you please..." Hmm

Rainbow, reread what you've just written about why you breastfeed. Don't let some ignorant arseholes put you off. There will always be someone judging you about something as a mother.

pigletmania · 04/12/2012 19:04

It is mummy milk though, cows milk is cows milk milk from a human breast is called mummy milk. I would have loved to bf for a long time, bf did no wrk Wth ds and I expressed for 9 monts before supply drooped and I had to stop