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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left 11 year old DD home alone for 20 minutes?

105 replies

freddiefrog · 02/12/2012 09:20

My car is only 4 seats

Yesterday I had DD1, our foster child, DD2 and a friend here so more people than seats in the car.

I had to take DD2 plus friend to a birthday party in town, so left DD1 here on her own (about 20 minutes)

She's sensible, has a mobile phone, plenty of neighbours around. She walks to school on her own and goes out with her mates anyway

DH was a bit shitty about it

OP posts:
Svrider · 02/12/2012 09:21

Doesn't sound unreasonable

cinnamonnut · 02/12/2012 09:22

YANBU - she's 11 not 3 :)

irishchic · 02/12/2012 09:23

I have done this with my dd too at that age.

Whoknowswhocares · 02/12/2012 09:25

Oh dear, if DH is this protective about a 20 minute stay in her own house, he really, really isn't going to have much fun in the teen years!

Yanbu

CheungFun · 02/12/2012 09:27

IMO this is fine. It's a very short space of time to be left alone and as long as you were contactable via a mobile phone I can't see a problem, especially as your dd already walks to school on her own.

Felicitywascold · 02/12/2012 09:28

Yanbu, of course this is fine.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 02/12/2012 09:29

Unfortunately he can be a bit Victorian father sometimes.

We let her go out, she goes to the park or shop with her mates, walks to and from school, knocks for her friends, etc, so I didn't really see it as anything different. She's 11

He's all 'what if the house burnt down' 'what if there was a power cut'

I was 20 minutes, I'm sure she could have coped without electricity for that long, and in an emergency she knows to dial 999 and go and find a neighbour, she can be a bit dizzy but she's not completely clueless

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2012 09:30

Blush DS2 (11 next month) is left for ten minutes in the morning and has to lock the house up and cycle to school. Then gets left for half an hour every evening while I fetch DS1 from the coach.

WileyRoadRunner · 02/12/2012 09:30

YANBU it was the correct thing to do.

Can't see the problem if she walks to school on her own Xmas Confused

ByTheWay1 · 02/12/2012 09:33

so he would have been happier if she was in the park for 20 min, with rabid wild dogs/teenagers/heaven knows who, crossing roads? dicing with death... (all said with tongue firmly in cheek!!!!) but not in the warmth and safety of her own home..... sigh....

LindyHemming · 02/12/2012 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 02/12/2012 09:34

if he worries, he worries, not much he can do about that. I think it was a reasonable thing to do

cornishblue · 02/12/2012 09:35

Your DH is overreacting massively.

Poor DD, what does she say about her father treating her like a toddler?

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2012 09:35

I think DS2 likes being in the house alone Euphemia. He enjoys that half an hour in the evening I think. He feels all grown up.

puds11 · 02/12/2012 09:35

We used to be left to lock up in the morning and to come home in the evening by ourselves.

SavoyCabbage · 02/12/2012 09:36

YABU to think you might be unreasonable. I was traveling over an hour to school in a major city when I was 11.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2012 09:36

Did it bother you puds?

HDee · 02/12/2012 09:36

Is the fact that she is a foster child relevant? I wouldn't hesitate to leave my own children alone, but not sure I'd leave someone else's alone.

Oy sure what the rules are about foster children. Presumably you just treat them as you would your own unless their are reasons not to?

Felicitywascold · 02/12/2012 09:38

If the house caught fire shed go outside, same as she would if there was a fire at school/in the park.(well in the park shed move further away from it.... But you know what I mean).

If there was a power cut? She'd play games on her phone until you got back.

20mins? And with a phone and instructions? It's fine.

When does DH think it'd be appropriate?

Felicitywascold · 02/12/2012 09:40

Hdee I think the foster child was with the OP.

Musomathsci · 02/12/2012 09:40

It wasn't the foster child who was left alone!

YANBU. Sounds fine and I would have done exactly the same.

DH is an idiot.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2012 09:40

DS2 did ring me when he was 'home alone' while I was driving. I stopped, called him straight back and he wanted to know if he could have the Dairy Milk in the fridge. Hmm

MissMogwi · 02/12/2012 09:41

YANBU. I leave my 11 year old for up to 30 minutes. When she starts secondary school she will have to
walk to and from school and probably be alone for up to an hour.

They have to start sometime.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 02/12/2012 09:41

Yanbu. All the 'house could have burnt down' is ridiculous.

I am sure if she wasn't sensible you wouldn't have left her.

Surely there is more chance of her getting hurt walking to school than of the house spontaneously combusting in the 20 minutes you were gone.

bigTillyMincePie · 02/12/2012 09:41

Your DH is being VU.

By 11 (and still at Primary school) they should be able to walk to and from school on their own and be left in the house on their own for an hour or so.
By the time they are at secondary school, they will be getting the bus to and from school and could be leaving/coming in on their own and getting a snack/started on their homework.

Well, that's what mine did/do. DS (11) is fine for a couple of hours in the early evening on his own now too.

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