to have left 11 year old DD home alone for 20 minutes?

[freddiefrog]

My car is only 4 seats

Yesterday I had DD1, our foster child, DD2 and a friend here so more people than seats in the car.

I had to take DD2 plus friend to a birthday party in town, so left DD1 here on her own (about 20 minutes)

She's sensible, has a mobile phone, plenty of neighbours around. She walks to school on her own and goes out with her mates anyway

DH was a bit shitty about it

I was regularly left to my own devices at home by the age of 11. My parents were dance teachers and I didnt want to go out with them 5 nights a week to dance classes and lessons.. so I stayed at home and they got in at about 10pm. I loved it.

Yanbu

My 11 year old gets himself home from school and is alone for 2.5 hrs, he loves it.

We leave DS alone for an hour or two. Daytime only. Don't feel the same about leaving him at night. Have been doing it since he was 10. It's his choice. Would usually be if we were going to supermarket or garden centre or something. Did it once and he got a fright as we came back in as he had forgotten we had gone out! He is usually in same position we left him in - playing Minecraft!

I was regularly left in charge of my two younger sisters at that age too. And would be expected to have tea ready for everyone!

YANBU. By 11 I was walking home from school and was there alone until mum finished work at 5.30 so just under 2hrs.

I was trying to work out if I could leave dd for 10 minutes while picked up ds the other day. She's 8. The only reason I didn't was because of what other people would think tbh.

Perfectly reasonable.

By 11 kids should be more self sustaining.

YANBU, she's a sensible 11yo, not 3. I used to be on my own at home after school until my mum finished work from about 10 years old. My brother was there too but he's younger so doesn't count

Thanks!

DH was quite upset at her being left (although he had no suggestions on what he would have done in the same circumstances) so I was beginning to wonder if I was completely out of order.

He doesn't mind leaving her to nip to the shop, I think it was more about the distance and if something happened I couldn't get back very quickly, or if something happened to us, she'd be alone.

I see his point, but I made sure she had back up and I know she could cope. Anything could happen when I am home and she'd have to cope in the same way then

So what was your dh solution to the issue of not having enough seats in the car? What would he have done if he was in your shoes?

Sorry x post - I see he doesn't have a solution and is just being shitty for the sake of it. If he wants to be a victorian father he needs to make sure that he has her at home along and looking after another 6 children whilst parents are out working, back then children were not children for very long and by the time they were 9-10 they would be working and earning their keep around the house and certainly mum and dad would be away from home for long periods

she is 11 and not exactly a baby is she in High school dont worry about it was 20 minutes not long I left mine for that long at that age if i was going out

Freddie there is a million and 1 whatifs in leaving kids alone nothing happened she is fine , what age does your Dh think it is ok to leave her alone ?

Ds is 11 - he walks to and from school, - a 20 min walk, goes into town and spends the morning with his mates and I leave him at home if he doesn't want to come with me when I need to go out for up to a couple of hours and probably ring home once to check everything is ok.

I think this is fine at the age of 11. It's not as if he's a toddler or a very young child.

MY dds were walking to high school at 11 well dd1 was 12 when she started 20 miintues away , dd2 was going to her drama group at the weekend on the bus at 12 if nobody was here to drive her, It is fine to let them do their own think and leave them 11 isn't a young child imo,

YANBU at all,don't doubt yourself

Al dh to tell you how he would have dealt with it, then see who's being unreasonable!

In the good old 90's i used to baby sit for money from 7 - midnight, i also used to take my younger brother's out, and i mean out on the bus shopping.

I forgot to add when i was 12, first year senior school

At 11 I was collecting my brother and sister from the bus stop and walking them home before looking after them for up to an hour before my stepdad got home.

DH IBR (Ridiculous with a capital R)!

My 10 year old DS walks 15/20 mins to school and back each day plus I do leave him when I go food shopping or to town etc....he's 10....going to secondary school next September!!
They need to grow up at some point!

I'd say not being able to leave an 11yo alone for that long would be unreasonable, unless they have special needs/firestarting tendencies/a liking for sharp knives...

I started leaving mine alone for short periods from age 8. By 10 DS was on his own for at least 90 minutes once a week while I took DD swimming - his choice, he didn't want to be dragged along, and I'm a single parent so no other adult available.

British parents seem to be much more worried about this than anywhere else in the world, except perhaps the US. I spent years in a country where 90%+ of 6-year-olds walk or take the train home from school by themselves.

She is ELEVEN.

You would be unreasonable if you didn't start leaving her on her own for short spells.

freddiedrog But i'm sure the Victorians were all for leaving their kids alone for long periods of time

I really get my eyes opened at threads like this. At 11 I was taking myself into town on the bus on a Saturday morning and not coming back for a few hours. This was just before PAYG mobiles were invented, so no mobile to check up on me.

I'm not old, I'm 27, have times really changed that much?