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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have left 11 year old DD home alone for 20 minutes?

105 replies

freddiefrog · 02/12/2012 09:20

My car is only 4 seats

Yesterday I had DD1, our foster child, DD2 and a friend here so more people than seats in the car.

I had to take DD2 plus friend to a birthday party in town, so left DD1 here on her own (about 20 minutes)

She's sensible, has a mobile phone, plenty of neighbours around. She walks to school on her own and goes out with her mates anyway

DH was a bit shitty about it

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 02/12/2012 15:05

Totally fine at 11. Your DH is being ridiculous.

Mrsjay · 02/12/2012 15:26

my mum worked as a school cleaner when i was 10 i was left 6 am till 8 am if my stepdad was on an early shift i was on my own sleeping I cant get over your dds dad being fine with her being out on her own but not in

HildaOgden · 02/12/2012 16:04

She's technically two-thirds of the way to being an adult,I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to gradually start 'training' to be one.

20 mins in her own home with phone access to parents?A good starting point,methinks

Cbh1978 · 02/12/2012 16:20

I was looking after my two younger brothers after school and in the school holidays when I was 11 and my parents were working. Probably not ideal but didn't think too much of it at the time.

weegiemum · 02/12/2012 16:29

I leave my 12 and 10 year olds at home while i nip to the shop/doctor etc. Youngest was 9 this week so im thinking about leaving her too.

At 11 i was letting myself in and making tea. By 12 it was me and my 10year old sister! My 12 yo has a bus pass (first year high school) and takes 2 buses across Glasgow morning and afternoon for school! Ive no issue leaving heralone, if tbe house went on fire she'd run!

Dancergirl · 02/12/2012 16:29

Of course it's fine! I now leave my nearly 10 year old dd for an hour or so while I take dd3 to her swimming lesson. She's sensible and would much rather be at home.

NotGoodNotBad · 02/12/2012 16:29

Eh? Give the girl some space, let her breathe without constantly being watched by adults!

NotGoodNotBad · 02/12/2012 16:30

BTW even if there was space in the car I wouldn't drag my 11 year old along on a trip like that just so she didn't have to stay in the house alone.

Mrsjay · 02/12/2012 16:31

Eh? Give the girl some space, let her breathe without constantly being watched by adults!

TBF the original poster thought it was fine it was the girls dad who was being weird about it ,

NotGoodNotBad · 02/12/2012 16:56

I know MrsJay. But it does sound like this was the first time they've ever done this.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/12/2012 17:03

My dd is 11 and comes home from school and is home alone an hour before I get in. Twice a month she's home alone 2 hours before I get in.

In school holidays she's home alone all day twice a week and manages fine.

She's also more than capable of catching a bus into town with friends, going shopping and getting home.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 02/12/2012 17:14

But it does sound like this was the first time they've ever done this.

It's the first time I've left her at home and gone any distance. She always gets left if I need to nip down the shop or go round the neighbours for a coffee or whatever.

DH got all weird about me going out in the car and leaving her, rather than just being 2 minutes away

She goes out with her mates loads so she's not smothered.

The need to do something like that has never cropped up before, it was just one of those odd occasions that crop up once in a blue moon, we haven't left her alone as we haven't needed to

I think he's got a grip now

OP posts:

Mum2Luke · 02/12/2012 17:29

I will be starting to leave my 10 year old soon, he is very sensible, knows he is banned from having any friends in the house while am not there, there is always plenty to eat in the fridge and I am contactable.

He already goes to play with friends a mile away at weekends with the days getting darker, I know I cannot wrap him in cottonwool but I do worry.

dementedma · 02/12/2012 17:49

Ds 10 has to be on his own some days after school until I get home at 5.30. He sometimes let's himself out in the mornings too and walks to school if I have to be in work early.
Amazingly, he can also bake a cake, prepare and cook a reasonable meal, hang out or bring in the washing, do the hoovering and generally survive for a few hours without being tied to my apron strings.I'm all for children having some independence.

cece · 02/12/2012 17:53

My 11 year old is home alone from about 4pm till 6pm when I get home from work. She also is alone for 30 mins in the morning, lets herself out of the house and locks up the house before she goes to school herself (1.5 mile journey). Your DH is bvu.

ArtfulAardvark · 02/12/2012 22:10

Wow I thought I was an over protective parent and im starting to wonder now if im actually a bit lax with all this talk of 20 minutes.

I take the dog out leaving DS for 2 hours, he knows not to answer the door and not to tell anyone on the phone that he is alone (although he can hear on the answer phone who it is before he answers)

I always take a mobile and im confident he would cope in an emergency, he has loads of people he could go to within a 1-5minute walk.

I figure he is far more likely to have a problem on his 15/20 minute walk to school every day than at home when he probably wont move off the xbox.

aPirateInaPearTree · 02/12/2012 22:11

have left my ten yr old for 20 mins. i think it's important to let them start to feel more grown up.

Clary · 02/12/2012 22:38

Of course it was fine.

Your DD is more at risk (tho it's pretty minimal) going to the park with her mates than she is in her safe, warm, secure home.

If the house caught fire she would get out. This is why we don't leave a 2yo alone, as they would not know what to do.

Your DH would find me very lax OP (I'm not tho ). My 3 DC are often at home for 30 mins without me and the youngest is 9yo

Iteotwawki · 03/12/2012 02:29

All the YANBU thoughts are interesting.

It's illegal here (not the UK!) to leave children at home unattended for any length of time if they are under 14 years old. Over 14 is fine (not overnight) and they can't babysit for younger children until they are over 14.

So I wouldn't have done it, but only because I wouldn't knowingly break the law!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 03/12/2012 02:38

Ah well, so long as he's got a grip now it's all OK

All Dad's are allowed to be a little over protective - as long as they Get A Grip when they're told not to be so daft!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 03/12/2012 02:40

Iteotwawki - it might be illegal, but it's certainly done all the time . (Another from the land of cheezles & moro bars.)

Iteotwawki · 03/12/2012 02:45

I know, Chipping :)

Always thought you really couldn't define a "safe" age to leave alone as so much depends on the child - I've known some 9 year olds that would be sensible, safe, calm in a crisis; and some 14 year olds I wouldn't trust at the other end of the house!

Mmmmmm. Moro bars.....

exoticfruits · 03/12/2012 06:34

Of course you should be able to- the child is 11yrs!!

exoticfruits · 03/12/2012 06:35

I would be rather horrified if an 11yr old didn't have the sense to get out if the house burnt down!

exoticfruits · 03/12/2012 06:57

At least no one has yet come up with the usual comment of 'we might be in a car crash' and DC must be in it with us!

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