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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to be a bit upset because my friend doesn't want her kids to believe in Father Christmas?

114 replies

loverofwine · 01/12/2012 18:50

seems to me letting your child believe there is a little magic in this miserable world is a good thing.

I can't get over why I feel upset that my very good, very old friend has decided that this fantasy is not for her kids.

Help me see reason please

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 21:27

In a answer to OP you just have to respect her view and leave her to it.

Mumsyblouse · 02/12/2012 21:28

Mind you, I got a stocking til I was 21. Obviously after a certain time point, we all shared it like a family joke 'so, do you think Father Christmas will be coming this evening?' when we were teenagers, I know it sounds a bit sad but I found that really reassuring and sweet that my mum would go to all that bother, even though we all knew it wasn't 'true' in a factual sense, it made me feel really cared for and special, and I was gutted the year we stopped even though I had left home years earlier

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 21:29

My mother stopped it at 21yrs.

Purplelooby · 02/12/2012 21:39

I'm 32 with my own child and my mother still does it! This is possibly why I don't...

cardibach · 02/12/2012 21:50

THis is another one of those MN freak areas isn't it? I've never met a parent who didn't 'do' Father Christmas' to some degree, or a child who was scared of him or scarred by their parents' 'lies', but read this thread and you would think hardly anyone did FC and almost everyone felt like that...

exoticfruits · 02/12/2012 21:52

Everyone is different- they are free to do it their own way.

DaveMccave · 03/12/2012 02:42

I'm with cheesestraw.

I never believed in father chirstmas because my older brother told me when I was 3. But I've always been a christmas nut. It never ruined anything for me, I love the decorations, and family, and food, and gift giving etc. Father christmas isn't the main event.

I have had people feel quite upset at my decision to tell DD there is no father christmas. I want her to trust me, I don't want her to feel let down, I don't want her to think that lies are acceptable and that children should be shielded from reality. I want her to see that fantasy can be fun, but it is just fantasy. Mostly, I don't want her to feel that life is shit without fantasy, which very sadly you think OP, and interestingly the friends that are most upset about me not going along with it for DD think that too.

Yes I am an atheist, and yes, that does contribute to my decision not to fabricate a belief system based on lies. But that is not the sole reason of my decision.

I think there are lots of wonderful things in life that take my breath away. I don't think that my DD is being denied something wonderful, wonder is all around us. Fantasy and fiction and using imagination is fun, it took my breath away seeing DD's face as she discovered what was at the top of the Faraway tree when I was reading to her tonight, but I'd never pretend that the enchanted wood was real, what a bitter disappointment and embarrassment that would be when she was old enough to figure out she was being duped!

Morloth · 03/12/2012 03:41

We don't 'do' Santa. It isn't part of the culture I grew up in and like a previous poster's parents we were very poor and one of the reasons we didn't 'do' Santa was because there wasn't going to be much from him - so what does that tell poor kids? You just aren't good enough is what it says when there can't be any presents from Santa because there just isn't any money. I have no sadness in my heart at all about this, not a skerrick.

My kids have everything there is to have, we have a great time at Christmas, massive functional loving family and Christmas pretty much runs from now (i.e. start of December) until mid-January - we have friends and family from all over the world coming and going and sometimes we go to them etc.

There are children in the world to feel sorry for, mine are not among them and I don't believe simply not having the story of Santa told to you as a truth is enough to need sympathy either.

I don't mind a bit of magic - in our family magic and technology are all wrapped up together so we get a lot of joy a lot of the time.

javotte · 03/12/2012 08:22

I don't do Father Christmas with the DCs, and they are Christmas nuts just like me. They also enjoy making / buying presents for one another.
I stopped believing early (4 or 5) and Christmas mornings were still magical.

Mrsjay · 03/12/2012 09:59

I only know 1 person well family who dont 'do' FC 1 of the kids told his class it was all rubbish they were 5 I had to tell dd that some believe sone dont and of course the boy would get christmas
but on mumsnet there is loads and loads of non believers tbh each to their own but I don't think telling children about santa is lying or decieving or anything like that it is just a story no child has grown up wailing that their parents lied to them people so over think it imo

FriendlyLadybird · 03/12/2012 10:17

My parents never 'did' FC and I always knew it was they who filled my pillow case with presents and left it at the bottom of my bed. It was still magical, though, to have gone to sleep with an empty pillowcase and to wake up with a full one.
My DCs and I play at FC much the way that DD and I played at being housemaids yesterday (I know -- Cinderella overload I think). We know it's not real, but it's a fun game. In fact, I think they value it more for the fact that they know that I am working at creating the magic.
But I do think it's wrong to set out to tell children, or anyone, that something is real when it is not. And I would definitely think that someone who was a little bit upset over my decision in this respect, or felt sorry for my DCs, was being very unreasonable indeed!

FriendlyLadybird · 03/12/2012 10:33

Dominodonkey, just for the record, no I don't lie. If my children were to sing out of tune I would wince -- there wouldn't be much I could do about it. And, yes, sometimes they have brought me scribbles and I've told them it's not their best work and I prefer other drawings which they have worked on more carefully. I'd rather do that then have them grow up thinking everything they do is wonderful.

HoratiaLovesBabyJesus · 03/12/2012 11:11

I'm saving my sympathy for the children who get a wallop and not enough dinner at Christmas.

I also think it is sadder and less magical to need a fictional character to enjoy Christmas. Twinkly lights and family get-togethers, fabulous.

And you should see my DS's sheer excited joy when he opens the door on the (non-chocolate) Advent calendar...

Glimmerberry · 03/12/2012 19:30

I wouldn't be doing Santa is the traditionak way either, but will be aiming to join in the spirit. i just don't fancy lying to my son. BUt I appreciate not everyone sees it that way.

www.thingamababy.com/baby/2010/01/santarebooted.html

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0982532806/thingamababy-20

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