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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think "not liking needles" is not a good reason for a pregnant woman to turn down whooping cough vaccine?

158 replies

stormforce10 · 30/11/2012 22:16

There may be other reasons I'm not aware of to turn it down but for the lady I met at baby and bumps group today to be turning it down for this reason seems foolish and selfish.

I've seen a small child with whooping cough abroad. Its very distressing and I'd do anything reasonable to protect children from it.

So AIBU to think that turning it down just because you don't like needles or injections is wrong? I'm so glad DS (18 weeks) has now had the full course of early vaccines which included whooping cough

OP posts:
FreakySnuckerCupidStunt · 30/11/2012 23:51

*or selfish

Idocrazythings · 30/11/2012 23:57

Brady I am not going to comment any further on this as its going down a path I do not wish to follow, apart from to say I believe the whooping cough vaccine is a pretty good health choice to make. As a midwife I have seen a lot, and I have never and would never make anyone feel belittled for their informed choice, or tell them to just "get over it".

midori1999 · 01/12/2012 00:04

YANBU, not having a vaccine that may protect your unborn child because you dont like needles or even because you have a phobia is unreasonable. I think part of the problem is that people don't realise how serious whooping cough will be and some people have the mentality that it won't happen to them. My friends baby girl died of whooping cough at 6 weeks old. Sad

I used to have a severe needle phobia where I passed out. By adulthood I'd got past that and could get a blood test without passing out, although it would always take a lot of attempts and then attempts from my hands and even feet to get blood out. It was dreadful. Now, I have to inject myself with blood thinners every day in pregnancy to maintain the pregnancy and you can bet your life that after losing twin daughters I got over any remaining phobia pretty fast when it meant keeping my baby alive.

StateofConfusion · 01/12/2012 00:05

I'm scared of needles, but do you know what I'm more scared of watching my baby get sick, or worse die. So I had the jab. Op yanbu.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2012 00:13

I am sorry you lost your daughters midori.

But it's unfair to say that to the OP, you've said it yourself, phobias are unreasonable and irrational.

And that shouldn't take anything away from the feelings they provoke.

You were able to get past that wall and try to conquer it, but you can't say anyone who hasn't had the success you have is being unreasonable just because they haven't had (or maybe they have and it hasn't made any difference) a life changing event which has made the difference.

I'm surprised, after knowing what it feels like, that you're so unsympathetic, are you thinking just because I've done it you can too?

Perhaps the person can given the right time/treatment, but that obviously hasn't happened or they'd have the jab.

Shenanagins · 01/12/2012 08:17

I understand that people have a very real phobia about needles and injections and do not want to belittle this in any way but i really don't understand how you could let this stop you protecting your child.

also what would happen ifyou had a medical condition where you would only survive by having daily injections?

as i said i don't want to take away from someone's very real fears but this is what i don't understand especially since i would walk over hot coals to protect my child.

heggiehog · 01/12/2012 08:35

When I have an injection I pass out, vomit, and will spend the next few days battling nausea and waiting for my blood pressure to go back to normal.

A needle "phobia" isn't always just feeling a bit afraid, it's the physical reaction that occurs to your body too. It's the "fight or flight" instinct in your body kicking in and totally shutting your body down.

Lots of misunderstanding in this thread. I don't actually like the word "phobia" - I am not scared of needles but I have the same physical reaction to them every time.

BeaWheesht · 01/12/2012 08:43

I didn't have the swine flu jag when pregnant with dd - I might have said it was because of a fear of needles if I knew you'd had it because my actual reason was that I wasn't convinced it was safe so wouldn't have wanted to upset / annoy / worry you.

noblegiraffe · 01/12/2012 09:57

The woman in the op could have said 'I have a severe phobia of needles' if that was the issue.

Saying 'I don't like needles' give a different impression. One of being a bit wet, because, let's face it, no one likes needles.

heggiehog · 01/12/2012 12:26

noblegiraffe

Why should she give an in-depth explanation of her personal/medical issues to someone she met at a baby group? Maybe she doesn't want to talk about her phobias etc.

noblegiraffe · 01/12/2012 12:33

'I have a severe phobia of needles' is hardly an in depth explanation of medical details is it? It's barely longer than the original phrase used!

WhatsTheBuzz · 01/12/2012 14:40

hard to say as I don't have a phobia of anything really (except childbirth but that's probably because I have less than two weeks to go and know exactly what to expect) but I would have thought that your child's health and wellbeing would take absolute priority every time. I can't imagine being more scared of a needle than of my baby being seriously ill but as I say, I don't have the experience.

WhatsTheBuzz · 01/12/2012 14:45

Also don't think OP is being insensitive in the slightest given that her opinion is based on seeing a child suffering from whooping cough and she would 'do anything reasonable to protect children from it'.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 14:49

as i said i don't want to take away from someone's very real fears but this is what i don't understand especially since i would walk over hot coals to protect my child.

Because you are clearly a better parent than I am. Its true.

How selfish I am? my blood pressure falls of its own accord and I pass out...I should be able to control that. Of course I should. Its just mind over matter, surely?

Parents with epilepsy should be able to stop a fit when they are alone with their child as well. You know mind over matter.

Seriously some of the attitudes on these threads disgust me.

Perhaps she didn't want because some people don't, but because there are so many judgmental people out there screaming 'well I would do anything for my baby' and trying to make her feel shit. Its easier to say.

Maybe she didn't use the word phobia, lets judge her for that.

So many smug people about all heading for a big parenting fail.

When you fuck up (because we all do) just remember this woman (and people like me) that you sat back and judged and all thought you were better than. And then think about how people would judge you from the outside.

insancerre · 01/12/2012 14:58

I lost a friend this year because he found it easier to hang himself in the woods behind his house than deal with his phobias of hospitals, needles and operations.
It's very easy to judge people, a lot harder to support them to make the right choices.

butisthismyname · 01/12/2012 16:29

I am so sorry to hear of all these needle phobias, and, despite what people have said, I didn't just have a few bad 'jabs', I had 16 years of 30+ operations and hideous injections, which DID give me a proper phobia for a while. It was incredibly hard to get over it , but when it came to my child and her health, I somehow managed it. Obviously, for some people it's a lot harder, and I'm not being 'smug', just relating my experience. I kind of feel that being a parent makes you willing to do anything, somehow, for your children.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 16:37

Firstly I apologized for saying it was just a few jabs. I missed your first post.

Secondly its not about what you are willing to do. Its like someone saying to protect your child you have to be able to fly. Its physically impossible for you to do so.
Its physically impossible for me to stay awake. So do you think you would be able to fly because someone says it will protect your child? Because its just a case of mind over matter surely.

You may have had a phobia, you maybe a better person than me. Your phobia may not have been as bad.

That's what pisses me off about judging people. You think you have been in the same situation. But actually you don't know if you actually have.

butisthismyname · 01/12/2012 17:02

I really hope I'm not 'judging' - just hopefully saying that it can be overcome.I also had a real flying phobia Grin That was a complete bugger to overcome as well. I used to shake and cry everytime I got on a plane. Had a massive panic attack once on a flight. Not nice for the other passengers, but, oddly, when I flew with my kids for the first time, I knew I had to be calm. Maybe my 'phobias' aren't real ones - as in I can somehow get over them. But, to get back to the Op, I will stand by what I said, that the woman is BU by just saying 'I don't like needles'

vj32 · 01/12/2012 17:05

My blood pressure also plummets when I have injections and blood tests. Blood tests are worse. If I am sitting up or even not fully flat I faint.

The last time I had an injection I told the Dr I had to lie down flat and he looked at me a bit funny. After the injection, and about 10mins of lying down before I could sit up, he turned to me and said "You really do have a reaction to needles, don't you!"

When I was pregnant I went to the special blood taking people at the hospital rather than the midwife. Made sure I was fully hydrated, had eaten well etc. Took my husband with me to distract me and made sure I could lie down after. Didn't plan to do anything for the rest of the day as I felt so washed out.

In my case I would say I don't like needles rather than I have a needle phobia because I can manage it so that I have all the injections etc I feel are really medically necessary. I know lots of people have it a lot worse than I do.

Pagwatch · 01/12/2012 17:11

Perhaps she reached for 'I don't like needles' as a more polite response than 'I don't dscuss my personal and medical decisions with nosy and judgemental strangers'
Some people are polite like that. I prefer the traditional but well loved 'what the fuck business is it of yours?'

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 17:15

Why should she use the word phobia?

Because it means other people won't judge as much. She made a decision. We all make decisions for our kids everyday. Other people may disagree with those decisions.

But to say 'if she had have used a different word I wouldn't have judged' is ridiculous.

butisthismyname · 01/12/2012 17:19

I didn't say that. If she had said 'I have a phobia about injections' I expect people may have been more understanding. To say 'I don't like needles' is surely what everyone says!!!! Does anyone 'like' needles?

Pagwatch · 01/12/2012 17:22

But why should she chose her words so that others will be 'understanding'.
She is not obliged to chose her words so that passing sanctemonious types don't witter about her on the Internet.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 17:23

Maybe she doesn't expect to have be careful of her wording in case other mothers judge her.

It was at a social gathering.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 01/12/2012 17:26

You also answer the question.

If you were told to sprout wings and fly to protect your kids, could you? because I would have more chance of that than staying awake. Its not a decision I make.

Choosing not to vaccinate is a valid parenting choice. Most people who i know that have chosen not to vaccinate actually spend more time looking into it than the people I know who do.

They are choosing for their child, just like you or I chose to vaccinate.