AIBU to say no to my friend?

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We have a dog. She was a rescue dog that we got as a puppy. She is some kind of terrier cross. She is not only beautiful but she is the lovliest dog ever, lovely temperament and great with the kids.
When we got her as a pup 2yrs ago my friend asked if we could let her have pups with her boy dog as she and her mum want another pup.
Well, my dog is tiny, we thought she would get bigger but she is very small. She weighs just under 4kg so is considered an XS dog.
Ive now said I wouldnt be happy for her to mate with my friends dog as he is a cocker spaniel, not massive but a lot bigger than my dog.
She is LIVID with me. Ive had a couple of nasty texts and a snide facebook status aimed at me.

I dont think I am being unreasonable! She could die and/or really struggle if her pups were too big and to me that is a risk Im not prepared to take.
I feel bad but I honestly thought she would get a bit bigger. So, AIBU? I cant see a solution to this, my friend doesnt want a puppy from her if we mate her with another dog.

I work with rescues. I foster. I also work ft and leave my dogs home alone albeit only for three hours at a time. I work split shifts.

Not all rescues have blanket bans on things.

I am the sort of person who would be turned down instantly by the big rescues. I have children under 10, I work out of the home, I have a cat, I have existing dogs - one of whom has behavioural issues and I have no garden. I have still been able to find at least three rescues who will let me foster/adopt from them. It's just a question of finding the right rescue.

No tantrums dear. You don't leap from one extreme of the argument to another and think you have proved some kind of point.

All the rescues I have ever encountered have been alarmingly precious. I was a - gasp - back yard breeder of kittens once. All four went very swiftly. One person had been refused at a rescue 'because you live near a road'. Er, along with 80% of thepopulation?

What rescues need to do is yes be responsible, yes home check but agree it is perfectly ok to work outside the home a few days a week if you get a dog walker, that most dogs can be left for 4 hours etc. And why the bloody he'll can't a healthy woman in her sixties adopt a dog!

Otherwise I am afraid you are going to condemn more dogs to die.

But hey, you get to froth about it on here, so all is good.

I disagree with blanket bans and see no reason why a person in their sixties could not adopt. My dad fosters and has adopted. He is 57 and has serious health issues and mild mobility issues. He also has me and my guarantee that I will take in any and all of his foster/adopted dogs if he became unable to look after them until a more suitable home can be found and/or assist with their exercise needs to enable him to keep them.

Being turned down by one rescue is no excuse to go to a puppy farmer or BYB, there are reputable breeders and smaller, independent rescues who have no blanket bans and if you are refused by all of those, then maybe you need to rethink whether your circumstances are suitable to dog ownership. Owning a dog is a privilege not a right.

I completely agree that dog ownership is a huge responsibility and those who don't or won't appreciate this do great harm to their dogs and everyone around them.

What makes me VERY uneasy is that every time I get involved in a thread like this I see a degree of vitriol aimed at the op which I never see elsewhere. It is disproportionate. And it blocks your very necessary messages from getting heard.

On one thread, the op disappeared very quickly and later pmed me to say she had been in tears as only a few of us weren't actively trying to rip her a new one for some comparatively minor sin of dog ownership.

Really, how is this helping anyone?

Passion is great. But temper it with some compassion.

I do cringe inwardly a bit when I see someone casually post about the potential for breeding/studding their dog, because I know the full weight of The Doghouse will soon land upon their head. I'm sure it isn't nice for someone who really does love their pet to hear that they are actually part of the problem.

However, I've learned a great deal from the frothy posters over the years, and even had some real life help from MN'ers when we encountered an abandoned dog in need of help. I think part of the "frothing" comes from having explained the same facts sooooooo many times, and from seeing the end results of unscrupulous breeders and feckless owners.

Years ago, I might have thought it was sweet to breed a pet and have puppies/kittens to rear. Now I know better and it's because of MN'ers from The Doghouse. I'll also never be without a rescue dog, despite working several days each week, having a cat and two children under 10. The right rescue will find you the right dog for your circumstances, and that's what's most important.

I agree with you and can sympathise with the reasons why some people get frothy, explaining the same thing over and over and over. I am an offender - I get very heated up in the social services threads because I am passionate about what I know to be true.

However, after three or four different posters make comments about the 'aggressive' nature of my posting, I think I have to accept they have a point.

It is a shame if a useful and important message gets lost because of the poor delivery of the message. And its not just about dog breeding that excites rage - I have seen it time and time again on threads that start off pretty innocuously.

The problem is you are highly unlikely to get the irresponsible fuckwits posting here. You are much more likely to get nervous first time dog owners or people thinking seriously about getting a dog... and I bet the belligerent style of posting by many on this topic just scares them away.

So who benefits?

o and btw in the perfect world we would all search for weeks, months for that rescue centre who will not simply turn us away without an interview because of job, child, cat etc.

But in the real world, I for one am not going to be slogging around loads of different places, begging for a dog I know I can give a very good home to. I would go to a breeder instead and get that cute little puppy.

I do think some centres have to think long and hard about their policies and how inflexibly they are applied. Good enough is good enough in almost all situations.

"But in the real world, I for one am not going to be slogging around loads of different places, begging for a dog I know I can give a very good home to. I would go to a breeder instead and get that cute little puppy."

In my opinion thats the difference between someone who declares themselves a dog lover and someone who actually cares about making a difference in the welfare of these animals. The amount of effort they're willing to put in and not turning to the easy option of adding to the problem.

Sigh. Puppy training class. HALF the class had been turned down by rescue centres and gone to breeders.

Shut your eyes to the real world why don't you. But insulting a lot of people in it, won't make it any better. These people were all highly responsible as they were schlepping off to puppy class for an hour every week. They were rejected for entirely spurious reasons as far as I could see - one women worked three days a week, the other was deemed 'too old' in her mid sixties. It is completely mad and stupid.

If my rescue had rejected me (and I suspect it would have done if I had told the truth that my au pair was not in the house 24/7) I would have gone to a breeder. I wanted a dog. I give my dog an excellent home.

You are not going to change my mind or attitude by saying things like 'you are not fit to have a dog'. Which seems to be the charming default riposte of many on here.

Tell her she is a rescue dog and you want to get her spayed.

Your friend is very strange

all of what Spero said

we were turned down for rescue (fences not high enough, children too small, had guinea pigs )

ended up with two staffies from what I now know to be a BYB- an acquaintance, desperate to make a few 'easy' quid. Of course, it wasn't easy in the end.

Knowing what I know now, I would do my damndest to try and talk someone out of BYBing- or buying from a BYB.

But I wouldn't hector or lecture or yell at them

it's counterproductive

spero not all rescues are the same. being turned down by one does not mean you will be turned down by another.
when we rescued our first dog I had 3 children under 5, a cat and a full time job.
I take my dogs to work with me so I am not out of the house all day but still.

The thing is if you are getiing a rescue, some of them have issues, some arent trained or socialised.
WRT to working part time, you cannot give a rescue to someone on Friday and then they go out to work all day on Monday, if its their first dog. Its not logical to me.

you need to spend time with rescues, some of them have been mistreated so no, you cannot as a new owner, get a rescue and then leave it alone all day a few days later.

and tbh, i do not know anyone who would go to a rescue, get turned down once and trot off to a BYB to get a puppy just because they want a dog.

There are so many dogs in rescue, we are crying out for decent owners.Rescues do not just turn people down for new reason. You have to think about the reasons why one rescue might say no and appreciate that whilst one says no, another might say yes.

Right back at you springheeled!

Tantrums - you may well know only lovely friendly flexible rescues. You may not know anyone who got a puppy after being refused - I do.

I am not stupid enough to think that my experiences represent the absolute truth. however I do think my experience is extensive enough to make me worried about the attitude of some rescues and worried that they are turning away too many perfectly good people.

All I am saying is that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And I note the op hasn't been back. Funny that.

OP, YANBU.

Can this be moved to the Doghouse now please? It's too boring for words.

dont read it then?

I would not have read it if I'd known it was a Dog Thread, but the title doesn't make this clear. Hiding now :)

ha ha ha Holla

years ago I had a friend who worked in a video shop (yes, I am old)

irate man comes in demanding refund

'what's the problem?' my friend asked

'it's got that fucking Al Pacino in it. I don't like him'