To want to run away and never see them again

[SilverBaubles33]

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

I have a lump of Gouda in my fridge if you want it.

It was brought by my Dutch in-laws when they last visited, it's really quite large. I can send them & DH to deliver it to Alpha mum at the school gates whilst singing the Dutch National Anthem - a sort of Nederlander-gram of peace & reconciliation.

Alternatively - steer well clear of the loon for ever more (on balance I prefer the first option).

Ah....Tough. It's not you, though! This is someone who still lives here.

Please please don't apologise to her, as an above poster very wisely said if you do you'll be setting the tone for the rest of your relationship. And what a shit relationship it would be. Steer clear.
Stick with Dutch mum and ensure you chatter loudly in the playground together

.....and bombard her and her cabal with triple salty liquorice.

Oh man, I have just come in on the end of this and am so pleased Silver's being seen as the good guy now. I understood from the first that the Alpha Mum was saying those things and she was just paraphrasing.

But then I am a superior being, with skills that far exceed anything to be found on your planet...

I need to know more about the north Oxford elite. A perfectly lovely girl I went to school with lives in Oxford and is about to have her first baby. Do I need to warn her?

Whereabouts is she, Chub?
What does she do?
How old is she?

I'm not sure what part of Oxford. She's 34 and a lawyer.

My friendship group is awash with immigrants speaking in their own language at coffee mornings. When you live in another country it's a joy to find someone who shares even a small part of your background. Where I live, nobody knows who bagpuss is or what cling film is. Or lemon curd. Or knickers, it's exhausting.

Sounds like she'll be fine...

C) "Sorry, was ik nadacht over mijn spannende leven. Wat zei u?"

Why do I get the feeling this is about pooing in someone's sink - shudder.

AVOID AVOID AVOID!

She sounds like a nightmare.

Don't apologise for being sane and normal.

She obviously is intimidated by you, she constantly puts herself down in front of you, but some of it is like stealth boasting (high-powered job), and it is obvious she is comparing herself next to you and not liking what she is seeing/not hearing (do you give her the profuse attention stroking she is looking for in a minion when she puts herself down or not? I'm guessing not). It sounds to me like that little escapade at her house was a way of making sure your name is blackened with her followers, she's manipulated a falling out where she looks like the victim using a reason that isn't even true, which is in fact actually the opposite of what you do, thus in her eyes knocking you down a peg or two to ensure she stays "alpha" in her group.

In other words, she's shallow, and intimidated by you, likes to manipulate people, and will lie to get them on her side. She's likely to constantly be competitive with you, negatively, and is at the very least quite emotionally unstable.

Do you really want to be friends with that?

Alpha muvvers are psycho. DDs school is full of them. Sadly they draw all the nicer mums into their web and they become psycho too...

Language thing depends. It's always polite to speak in the language understood by all, especially if nattering away and one person is standing like a lemon. Saying that, most Dutch folk I know all speak better English than me. Maybe she really is having a bad week and struggling or she could be just unbalanced, there are quite a few out there. f you feel you did nothing wrong, don't go overboard with apologies and no flowers. Just ask if she is ok and say it's a shame how things went or whatever to clear the air.

There are no real alpha mothers at our school.

Min I had a very bad experience with salty liquorice after the in-laws came - I am a liquorice fan, I love liquorice, so crammed a large handful in my gob.

Jeysus christ, it was as though every cavity in my head had been filled with the pungent scent of cat's-piss - took about two hours for the onslaught to fade - I do not recommend.

Chub - she'll most likely be alright.

Re salty liquorice - love it love it love it, although I tried the triple stuff and thought I was going to have a panic attack!

This is a bonkers thread.

Did this honestly and truly happen?

If it really did just don't apologise or anything as you're engaging with a wierd person.

But the entire thing is wierd. Op also sounds a touch alpha as well.

Avoid them - and I very much hope the kids at the school are not playing out what the parents are doing. Bonkers.

From my pidgin Swedish (which serves quite well for Dutch and Afrikaans too), Sorry, was ik nadacht over mijn spannende leven. Wat zei u? means "Sorry I was thinking about my exciting/amazing life. What did you say?"

The alpha mum is a rubbish alpha mum. So are her chums. She's let herself down really badly and is now a gamma mamma.

Her friends don't realise this, because they're rubbish alpha mums too.

Min

Yes rubbish.

Thanks minou but think I prefer to think it's about pooing in the sink!

Or in her boots, which she's WAY too big for.

Wonder if any of them are reading this and will do a right of reply - go on, go on, go on...