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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to run away and never see them again

377 replies

SilverBaubles33 · 28/11/2012 15:21

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/11/2012 19:00

That woman sounds like a fucking loony. No one needs friends like that. I would not even apologise as you had done NOTHING wrong.

You would be well rid of them.

curiousuze · 28/11/2012 19:01

I've heard it called Awesomestow Grin

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/11/2012 19:01

PS I hope your kids speak Dutch - maybe you should talk REALLY LOUDLY TO THEM IN DUTCH WHEN THEY ARE IN THE PLAYGROUND. Grin that should fuck her off even more.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 28/11/2012 19:03

Maybe her husband just left her for a Dutch woman?

minouminou · 28/11/2012 19:04

Well, I guess all humans are, Quint......
That thought would piss on her bonfire.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 28/11/2012 19:06

indeed it would....

TwitchyTail · 28/11/2012 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chubfuddler · 28/11/2012 19:09

She's completely mad. You don't need to be friends with these people. You really don't. DS gets invited to all the parties and I am not at all chummy with the school gate crowd - I'm not rude, I'm not hostile, I smile and say hi and that's about it. Negative impact - nil.

Make your own friends. These people sound strange.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2012 19:10

She sounds really jealous and threatened by you.

Mumsyblouse · 28/11/2012 19:13

I don't think it's rude for two people who have just met, who share the same language and have that moment of 'wow, we can speak to each other' to chat in their shared language for a small amount of time, I have friends who are Swedish and Norweigan but who didn't know each other well, met up and started chatting away in Swedish having a great time, they then turned to me and said 'sorry, we were just chatting about XYZ'. No issue from me at all, I was delighted they met each other.

I think it is a bit odd people keep repeating it's always rude to speak in another language and you should always use the shared language. Well, in the majority of cases, that IS English and so what you are saying is that most foreigners should speak English when in company, even if there's only one English person present. My husband is from another country and I find it wincingly embarassing if he's with several friends and they all have to speak my language when they share a common language, usually I say 'do speak in your own language' to avoid this.

I can usually tell if people are using language to exclude and that's not often the case. I think it's strange to make everyone speak in broken or little English just to include you, as you are effectively stopping them communicating easily on occasions (unless they are really fluent).

goralka · 28/11/2012 19:14

blleeeeeeee @ 'Alpha mums' - just vile -

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 28/11/2012 19:17

They actually call themselves alpha mums?!? I missed that.
OP I forbid you to never speak to them again. Wink

piprabbit · 28/11/2012 19:18

When Alpha Mum says something like "Ooh Silver you are so slim and high-powered, while my children are thick and I am slightly tubby", do you reply:

A) "Don't be daft, your kids are fantastic and I'm so pleased to have met someone kind who has welcomed me to my DCs new school".

B) "I am, aren't I"

C) "Sorry, was ik nadacht over mijn spannende leven. Wat zei u?"

Chubfuddler · 28/11/2012 19:20

They call themselves the alpha mums? Seriously?

I really do think you should shit in her sink. That' is pathetic.

minouminou · 28/11/2012 19:22

Honestly, guys....these people do exist.
See my post about "North Oxford elite".....

It's fairly rare, but it's enough to upset you if you're sensitive.

Toughasoldboots · 28/11/2012 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarshaBrady · 28/11/2012 19:26

They call themselves The Alpha Mums? Like a band. What a laugh.

ImperialBlether · 28/11/2012 19:29

I think the Alpha mum who thinks she's an Omega mum thought you'd just taken the biscuit when you spoke Dutch. You can imagine her, "You know that fucking bitch with the skinny thighs and clever kids and kiss ass job? She speaks Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutch Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

KitchenandJumble · 28/11/2012 19:29

It sounds like the latest episode of the series "Drama Queens With Too Much Time on Their Hands."

Seriously, this alpha mum is clearly a nutter. Steer clear of her and her minions.

I'm always surprised when people find it rude when others speak another language. I think the OP was extremely kind to chat for a minute in a shared language to someone who doesn't speak much English. And she even translated the conversation for the others. Nothing rude about that by any stretch of the imagination.

minouminou · 28/11/2012 19:30

Really, Tough? Fuck. Sorry to hear that..... That must have been difficult.
I know someone who put on four stones because of it.
I'm a hard-faced git, though, and I laugh at it. That's the key to surviving.
That, and having lots of foreign chums!

curiousuze · 28/11/2012 19:32

This whole thing is like the plot of Mean Girls.

DudeInaTutu · 28/11/2012 19:37

personally, i think if i were you OP i would try and get to know dutch mum a bit more and forget the rest of the "alpha" mums - my god that woman must feel very threatened by you to have over reacted so spectacularly! i would do what ever you feel you need to do to make life pleasant but then i would steer clear of the loons....

mrsshackleton · 28/11/2012 19:43

Agree, stick with the nice Dutch mum and send Alpha mum a lump of gouda - actually, maybe not. Very fattening.

Bagofspiders · 28/11/2012 19:50

Geraldine I just woke up DS by laughing at a party guest peeing in your cutlery drawer! Were they aiming for the sink?!

But seriously OP they all sound bonkers, there MUST be some normal parents at the school for you to be friend with.

Toughasoldboots · 28/11/2012 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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