To want to run away and never see them again

[SilverBaubles33]

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

They call themselves Alpha Mums? How strange. Alpha means the "top dog" the biggest, strongest and most confident one of a group that is in charge and all others are subordinate to him or her. ( Love my animal films.) There is only ONE Apha in a group by definition. Wolves have 1 alpha male and 1 female in their pack.
The lady who cried at her own coffee morning does not fit in with any defintion of an Alpha, more like the cringing , whinging lowest ranking in a group. She has serious inferiority complex issues, and actually find her pitiful.

Ignore her, know that she is pitiable.

Don't apologise, Alpha sounds very needy. Move on and don't dwell on it.

"The Dutch thing was about four of us sitting about chatting, the Dutch lady didn't speak much English, another mum said, Silver didn't you live there, can you speak Dutch, I said yes a bit and the Dutch lady said, in Dutch, that's great, so good to speak Dutch, how long have you been here and some chat about our kids. I answered her and translated for the others at the end, I really didn't feel that it was rude, she was so happy to speak inner native language and as English isn't my mother tongue, I could totally appreciate how that felt."

No, that wasn't rude. That was nice of you.

I'm guessing then that they asked you to just make yourself scarce after the embarrassing overhearing incident, rather than kicking you out.

It must be a very bad week for her. Or they're all batshit crazy.

If you do send flowers, they have to be tulips.

Yeah.....say you're sorry she's having a hard time and then disengage.

Over-reaction, much? She sounds hysterical to me. Yes, the speaking Dutch thing is a bit show-off and tactless - I think rude is over the top but still... Anyone who is that upset by a minor faux pas by someone they hardly know that they cry in piblic is either a world class attention seeker or unbalanced. Stay away...

You know what, I wish that you guys were all the mums at school, have just laughed really loudly at the Dutch themed coffee morning, we can have some ginever (gin) and Sinterklaas can stuff our shoes with chocolate.

Maybe I will try spilling the red wine or pooing in the sink!

Thank you all, so so much, that horrible feeling had gone, I have laughed it out of my stomach and I think that I will call the Dutch mum and actually speak to somebody normal.

I am Belgian, but lived all over the world, so I can speak a few languages, but really it's not a big deal, I can hardly count to ten in any of them!

Thank you all.

Christ, this is why I'm 'Rude wanker mum' at school. I converse with no-one, happy days.

The mum sounds mental, the mates sound mental, and generally, I'd avoid it like the fucking plague. All fucking mental.

School politics, fuck that

Quesadilla...the OP was helping a Dutch lady whose English wasn't too good at the gathering.

Yeah, call your Dutch friend. What about the woman who introduced you to her?

Oh god Silver I am peeing myself laughing at the thought of you marching across the kitchen and having a poo in her sink while she sobs in her friends' arms...ahahahaha

Curious, me too. My husband thinks the sending tulip plan is genius and is on the inter flora site. But he also has suggested we drink gin, dress as Navy Seals, go back to her house and launch a massive poo offensive. He is thinking bigger than the kitchen sink, we may need some back up.

I once had a party guest who peed in my cutlery drawer. Frankly, i would have preferred a bit of discourse in a foreign tongue instead of the stench of urine and the sticky cutlery. I didn't swear at him or 'set my mates on him' though.

Sounds ridiculous, why would she cry in the kitchen while you are there. She should apologies.

oh good lord. Having read your follow-ups I have to say, host mum is potentially even more of a nutcase than I originally thought. Definitely give a cursory phone call and see how she is, but if she decides to make this a big damned deal, then she's not someone to be bothered with.

I would also be over people referring to themselves as Alpha mums.

I'm all for a "dirty protest"

Oh, I've overheard people referring to themselves as North Oxford elite.
Really.

It wasn't me. It was some bird we used to call Vinegar Knickers.
She moved away, thankfully.

OP, Alpha is a loon.

Who cries at a coffee morning, calls you an effing Bitch then gets flowers from the woman she insulted.

Steer clear at all costs, you sound lovely

Where in the UK are you, OP?

That's where I am too MrsDevere!

A friend of mine referred to us as "top of the food chain" I looked like this

"... saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc."
And saying this wreathed in her four henchmen friends.

She sounds like a loon. I would want an apology from her, personally.