To want to run away and never see them again

[SilverBaubles33]

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

I have a huge jar of speculoos spread I imported myself which I can contribute towards the proceedings. mm. We also have several stollen to appease my German DH's Christmas cravings, but we can call it kerstol if that helps it fit the theme better.

I would also like to know what happens tomorrow at the sporting event, if anything at all. :)

I agree with LaQueen, you're probably best just keeping in touch regularly with the mums you get on with, and leaving the drama queens to their own devices.

She sounds like a Drama Queen, AVOID.

I predict tantrum dramas on the sports field......

I have chocoladeletters, pepernoten, kruidnoten, speculaas and speculaaskruiden (bedankt mam en pap) and i have just made amandelspijs for the gevulde speculaas and banketletter.

You are al welcome on the 5th for a bakkie koffie en gebak

crunchbag hoera!

Ik wil kruidnoten, AUB. En mag ik een slokje van je diet coke?!

cola light you mean.

I have never thought if it as rude if frutnds speak in their language at a social event!
I have several German friends who will chat in German but segue effortlessly into English if someone else joins the conversation. It's pretty impressive.

It must be tiring speaking a second language all the time and I suppose it's a relief to speak mother tongue when the opportunity arises.

These women need to get out more, it's ridiculous Griends women crying over coffee

Can't believe I've been so busy all day and missed more cake.

Has Begonia calmed down now?

crunchbag nog een mal! Actually, vodka tonic is what I mean...

Greeneggs, please come for coffee, with your speculoos. I have spoons.

About it's bloody exhausting! My hallway is trashed, I've got cake crumbs everywhere and several unclaimed drunk women in leather trousers doing 'Greased Lightening' down the stairs.

Happily, my sink is clear and nobody has cried.

mrsW yes, Zzzen got her squiffy on gluhwein and they've gone into town to find Alphas to kick in. shhh, there's a cake hidden fir you under the sink, you've had a long day, are those flowers for me...

Is it normal, by the way un just a few days to feel throat I suddenly ket real and very funny new chums??!

I know it was aaaaaages ago, but I am completely gobsmacked that a lot of posters thought that you had been rude for speaking Dutch. How bizarre.

Ik wil ook gluwein hebben aub, maar geen meer pepernoten!!! Sucess morgen...

I do think it's a little bit rude to talk in a different language at a social event unless one person does not speak the common language at all. It wouldn't normally be done at a social event with several people there who didn't speak that language at all.

Vivienne Maybe in the UK that's the case? Certainly in most of the schools I attended and places I worked, there were often several conversations going in in several languages at the same time.

Not a big deal, and very much the norm, socially and professionally. Especially in Europe. Belgium, for example, has three official languages plus most people speak English and have some German too.

edma I know!! I was a little surprised that it was seen as showing off rather than being polite and welcoming. Hey ho.

Jo dank u wel!

Ik kan ook een beetje Nederlands! Ik woonde in Amsterdam bijna vijf jaren.

But wow does my autocorrect ever hate Dutch

Silver and everyone - this thread feels like yet another new spiritual home - like the crap working mums thread.

And surely here on good old MN we can je/jij rather than U, hoor?

she called you an effin bitch and kicked you out of her house - do not apologise! If anything she should be apologising to you, and thanking you for making her other guest feel at ease when she was struggling with the conversation in English.

Infact, she should be bringing you bloody flowers :o

i'm having an epsilon cheese n wine if you're interested

Don't know whether to be offended that people are talking about me as though I'm not here or just to eat some more cake...

I thought the same thing as robot i.e. that OP was just using Alpha MUm's own terminology. And I didn;t pick up that the OP had a competitive streak - why is that whenever anyone says they have a high-powered job people feel the need to slap them back down - they are not saying it is a harder job or more worthwhile than anyone elses? OP gave many positives to the "aplha" mum other than the description of "alpha"mum (however this is a good way of giving an instant picture of the kind of cliqueness involved!)

And while it may have been a bit rude to speak in Dutch it isn't as though the mum running the coffee morning didn't have friends there.

I would invite "alpha" mum, on her own, for a coffee in a cafe and say to her you've never meant to give her the impression you're competing with her, in fact sometimes, silly me, you've thought she was competing with you. If she's a grown up you'll move on and laugh about it , if not , well, you can just smile and nod to each other .

Ah as ever I forget to read to end of thread before poting.

Sorry I was too late for the Waitrose sat-on cake

I agree with CatchingMockingBirds. She is a dtama queen who loves having her audience (of other mums who consider her Alpha mum) and you stole her thunder.playground stuff, you don't need it.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so much (not because u spoke Dutch & ruined my coffee morning! ))

Alpha mum doesn't sound very Alpha - she sounds feckin nuts!!!!

I think if u wanted to apologise, then word it along the lines of I'm sorry for any offence caused.

Ie you're sorry she's been offended but actually u didn't do anything wrong - so get lost u crazy lady. It just may make the school gates less of a gauntlet - especially if it's a small school.

Thanku so much for a great thread tho - pooing in sinks, eating cake, drinking coffee & putting Dutch chocolate in shoes. Only on mn!!

I've said this before and I'll say it again ...

I have never, in 11 years of parenthood - and living in what would be perceived by the media as Pushy Mum/Yummy Mummy City Central - witnessed the shit I've seen on Mumsnet about bitchy/insane 'alpha' mothers.

Why is that?