To want to run away and never see them again

[SilverBaubles33]

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

but they sound kinda needy with it

It all sounds bonkers but maybe she is just having a shitty time of it and her reaction was little do with you or she is a complete attention seeking loon. All these women (apart from Dutch on) have now been labelled the same and given the title 'alpha mums' when it's entirely possible they are just nice women. The way this thread has turned with the sneering at anyone deemed an alpha mum (in your opinion) sounds like you lot would give the alpha mums a good run for their money.

'We ruthlessly attend their coffee mornings and make polite chat about holidays and how beautifully the UK hosted the Olympics in several different languages.

This makes them sob hysterically with unresolved childhood sadness and need for attention.

When they are crying, we quickly poo in the sink and do a celebration clunge kick before jumping into the waiting car.

Like vigilantes but with better cake.'

Silver, I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face, I can't stop laughing :)

When they are crying, we quickly poo in the sink and do a celebration clunge kick before jumping into the waiting car
love it

Begonia, have you read the whole thread. No-one is sneering at anyone who doesn't deserve it.

These mums have called themselves Alphas. This particular one cried at her own coffee morning and didn't apologise to her guest for making her feel uncomfortable.

I, personally, cannot imagine any greater social faux pas than making a guest feel unwanted and then asking her to leave for no other reason than she made me feel like she was competing with me (completely unsubstantiated, btw)!

If the Alpha was having a bad day/week then the acceptable thing to do when caught out is to laugh and apologise and talk through it, not necessarily about it, but to get past it, get beyond the tears. To make her guest feel like she has done something to apologise for is soooo rude, I cannot fathom the sheer bloody nerve of anyone even thinking they could get away with it! Obviously her friends have been facilitating this behaviour and now it has become normal.

No, I don't know that all these mums call themselves Alpha mums and neither do you. And this seems to have happened just the other day, who knows how it will pan out and who will make apologies or whatever. If you don't think there has been a lot of sneering on this thread (I possibly have too) of mums who others perceive as alphas then maybe we are reading different threads. And save your cross face for someone who cares.

And the OP has given us a tiny snap shot from her point of view and very amusing it has been too. But I'd take it all with a pinch of salt.

Oh dear Begonia, one of them told me that, she likened it to soccer moms. It may well be that she was using irony which I missed, but that was the phrase she used.

I was asked to leave a home for the reasons we've all discussed. It happened yesterday, I felt horrible and worried and some lovely ladies gave made me laugh and put it in petspective.

I was going to apologise, now I'm not sure why I should, but I will reserve that right until we meet again on Saturday at a school sport event.

If there has been any sneering on this thread that has personally offended you, please accept my apologies.

In the scheme of things, it's a frivolous discussion and we are now being very silly. I believe the time to wring our hands and wonder why has passed.

I personally have no wish to be a Dramallama, I'm having a virtual coffee morning with some funny ladies. Please join us, there is sat-on cake from Waitrose and some carrot cake to annoy others!

Begonia, if you don't care then go away, there's a doll.

Thank-you, Silver, I'll have some carrot cake partly coz it winds DP up too.

Oh we'll at least you've stopped with the angry faces, that's progress.

Oh dammit, have I come too late for the cake & swearing? Sits down in middle of thread sobbing hysterically. Waaaaaah, gather round girlies, gather round for group hugs ...

Seriously Begonia how can you describe them as 'just nice women'? They sound like they escaped from Rydell High and wandered into 21st century Britain by mistake.

what would a nice woman do if she turns up to a coffee morning, the hostess starts crying in her kitchen and a woman who is new to these mornings walks in on this situation to hear she is the cause of it because she spoke Dutch to a Dutch woman who was there and generally makes hostess feel insecure simply because she is who she is? Would this nice woman tell the new woman to leave?

I don't think so. If you are a hostess you have to pull yourself together and deal with things, see to it that your guests feel welcome, and if you need to, cry when everyone has left. If you are not yet capable of doing that, don't invite people round till you can cope. I have no time for a woman crying over such a silly thing, it is ridiculous. It was shoddy behaviour to make a guest feel unwelcome and rude of the other women to tell OP here to leave.

Double, no it's open house all day- courgette, carrot or Dutch appeltaart....

High kicks and tower of Babel in the salon, unhinged wailing and sink-centred activity in the kitchen.

You're very welcome either way!

Jane - yes, Rydell! Shall we put on a Grease DVD for the overtired ladies??

Dutch appeltaart is very nice but I'll try the courgette. Have been thinkin g of making one of those for a while now but just doesn't sound right to me - courgette and cake. However if someone else is making it, I'm in.

ZZZ am setting you up in the entrance hall to give etiquette and sense briefings to all the guests, if you don't mind. I daren't leave Cockypants on her own.

I'll send you cake and gluhwein at intervals...

I don't think the OP necessarily did anything wrong and she would be crazy to offer a grovelling apology if she felt she wasn't in the wrong and it does all sound weird and bonkers. but no, I wouldn't necessarily write off all these women as being nasty, weirdo alpha mums on the say so of one person and a few posts. Maybe these women were flummoxed as how to deal with this weird situation as well and thought it would be better all round if the OP just left to minimise things. It didn't have to be them standing pointing her out the door with disapproving looks on their faces telling her never to darken their coffee morning doorsteps again. But then I don't take everything someone says on mumsnet as gospel and think there might be another spin on things.

I do sound draconian! Ooh, cake and gluhwein sounds like me. I can also be very stern it is ture but I will need a chair and Begonia to keep me company. I will also get her to test the cakes before I eat them

If they were asking her to leave in an apologetic "sorry, it might be best if you went" way, surely one of them would have contacted her afterwards to clarify what was going on and assure her it wasn't her fault.

Silver yy to the Grease DVD. I'll get out my leather trousers!!

don't forget your heeled clogs Jane and the big hair otherwise you might not get past me.

No one will get past me if I am having too much of that cake though

Did someone mention cake...

What bizarre behaviour! Are you sure you didn't see it coming? If not, this woman clearly feels threatened by you and is basically acting like a child.

You shouldn't be apologising for her being so rude and throwing you out of her home.

Move on and see if you can make other friends.

you got here Begonia. Let's make that two chairs, two plates of cake and two barrels of gluhwein. We're set

Hi, I'm new on mumsnet and have been a bit of a lurker on some of the forums, but I just had to post on this thread, it's absolutely hysterical.

Silver, you sound like someone I'd love to have a coffee morning with - I live in Holland and speak very bad Dutch, and marginally less appalling French (or is that me just boasting?), but god forbid we make the worst social transgression of speaking anything other than the Queen's finest English.
This woman and her friends are clearly very bored and have far too much time on their hands.
I am moving back to England next year and I hope I meet people like you rather than this group of ladies bunch of nutters you have had the misfortune of coming into contact with.
I think you should throw pepernoten at them next time you see them