To want to run away and never see them again

[SilverBaubles33]

Briefly, the Alpha mums invited me for coffee and a get to know you after drop off today - there are a few of us new mums this term. The main Alpha has been really friendly, but is constantly putting herself down and comparing herself to me - I used to have a quite high-powered job, she's a bit tubby, my DDs are on a scholarship etc, and making unfavourable comments. I don't know why she needs to do it as on the face of things she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc.

Anyway, we all turned up for coffee and one of the other mums is from Holland where I used to live, so we started chatting in Dutch. I went to find the loo and Alpha was in the kitchen crying with about four friends, saying that I had ruined her coffee morning, I was an effing bitch, she wished she's never invited me etc.

They saw me in the doorway and Alpha said sorry, not having a great week, and the friends basically asked me to leave.

I asked, is it cos I spoke Dutch, sort of laughing because I thought it must be a joke or something and they said, she can't really deal with you, she feels you're always competing with her etc etc.

I am beyond embarrassed about the whole thing. I just went red and left like they asked me to. My husband said I should laugh it off but I rally don't want to see any of them again and we've got school stuff coming up in the next few weeks, I feel really sick and I've been worrying about it all day.

Should I call her? pretend it didn't happen? Speak to one of her friends? I've never come across this sort of thing before, am I BU or is she and how should I react?

First rule of alpha mums club.......

welcome to MN Jo. Just had to do a quick check of the kitchen since we have another Dutch speaker, no one is in tears though, they are all hitting the cake.

What are pepernoten? So we can stock them.

Thanks Zen (may I call you that?!) - as long as the cake isn't Dutch appeltaart, I'm in!
Pepernoten are little biscuits that look a bit like brown sheep droppings (see here for a visual example www.worldcook.net/Cooking/Cookies/CO-Kruidnoten-Eng.htm) and are bloody everywhere this time of year.

Either she is feeling a bit insecure or you are competitive. Either way, if you want to move forward and smooth the waters, you could tell her that she's really popular, has a gorgeous house, lovely dcs, kind husband, she's thoughtful and generous etc. All these things are true.

begonia is not an altruistic person. Best take what she says with a dab of irony.

hello,can I join in? I have pure Dutch blood coursing through my vains..... and have have a big bag of pepernoten IN my house (send by my lovely Dsis) I also have chocolade letters !

No you are right, I'm not altruwhatsitsname. I'm also not a sheep that believes everything I read on tinternet to the point of slagging off a bunch of women who could be perfectly nice on the say so some stranger. no offence Silver, I don't necessarily doubt your version or think you did anything wrong. Can I still have some cake though...

silver, it's klootzak not glotzak

(it's another word for scrotum but your translation sounded sweeter)

I love the way we are learning Dutch on this thread

Would it be very wrong of me to adopt klootzak as a handy swearword? (I don't speak Dutch) - it just sounds fabulous!

I'm frankly appalled that none of the A-team bothered to ring and apologise actually. On what planet do you throw someone out of a coffee morning?

The comment someone made upthread about having a Dutch themed coffee morning to really set her off was one of the funniest things Ive read for a while

Was a member of a Dutch club once, does that count? Isn't it SinterKlass time or whatever they call it? Still go a bit oooer at the black and white minstrel look a likes - what's that all about?

Godverdomme! Sorry I've been upstairs putting on my clogs and leather trousers, look at the time! Hope you've all had fun, try not to wake up ZZZen and Begonia in the hall on your way out. How am I going to get that gluhwein out of the carpet?

NotWilliam - yes, it's lovely!

Katisha, sorry, just the taart left, all the courgette got eaten by La Queen

crunch bag, thanks, that's the problem with learning things for playground swearing not adult biological usage!

Yes, Sinterklaas next week, have ordered my chocolate letters, T for 'trut'... guess whose shoe that might go in. Actually, I did see the lady in question from my car this morning and she waved hello, so who knows how it will be watching the match tomorrow. My big concern right now is not to freeze!

Begonia, am happy to host a coffee morning anytime, but not getting into a Zwaarte Piet debate - that's one of the few times I've seen usually tolerant Nederlanders get in a real sweat and very upset.

kerala - here too, my husband has been texting me for two days with increasingly surreal ideas for it.

I wish everyone a warm and peaceful weekend, and thank you again for turning my week on its head and giving me such laughs.

I'm going to have to scoop up the little ZZZs and Begonias on the school run too, aren't I? Put a blanket on them, someone....

at adult biological usage

I wouldn't waste chocolate on trut, maybe get her some dubbelzoute drop and watch her facial expression......

Ik hou van doubbelzoute, but then I think I have an adult biological love of salt.

Am SOO late for the school run yippee, can hide in my car under scarf and huge collar...

Enjoyed this thread.

They sound bonkers like conkers, move on move on to saner pastures.

I would love some cake .....

Oh I am so glad I found this thread!

Had to come back to throw a special [bgrin] smiley at this thread for St Andrews Day. Imagine the conniptions if we started speaking Gaelic at her coffee morning!!

Gotta be an MN Classic, surely?

Do you really need to be friends with school gate parents or socialise with them, truly? Have never understood this. Surely the best thing to do is smile, chat politely at the gate and whenever you have to interact then go home and get on with your own life and friends that you have chosen to be around rather than thrown together with by circumstance?

And if you need to make a few more friends it will happen naturally via a broader range of child centred activities than just school. By definition the school gate 'alpha' mothers often seem to have and offer a very insular, limited and conditional kind of 'friendship'.

too much and hearts delighted to meet you, sorry you missed all the fun, we should do this every week, perhaps a little less publicly!

Perhaps we'll have another next week, I need to make FAR more cake and gallons more gluhwein.

Do all come, we must wear kilts and special high-heeled seasonal ruby-encrusted clunge kickers. We can do wild reeling and get thoroughly giddy.

Salty liquorice for anyone who falls over.

OK, on to the saner pastures as advised. That might not be round here though!

mignonette no of course not, you're absolutely right. Because they are the sporty mums and my girls do sports, I wanted to get to know them so we can share lifts for away games, things like that.

Because I've always worked, I probably got a bit over-excited at the thought of making friends at school.

Sensible words from you though, and I'm grateful to her for sparking off a very diverting exchange here.

Accompany your child to sports meets and it will happen naturally. Also there are other schools that your DD may compete with/against and she may well find friends there too as will you.

Good luck!