If you had one fish whose face would you like to slap? (Lighthearted)

[Ginandtonicandamassageplease]

There is another mum at a group I go to with DS who I would really like to slap around the face with a wet fish!! She actively discourages her DC from sharing, has the look of a bulldog chewing a wasp all the time and winces if another child lets out anything louder than a whisper. Last week she really took the biscuit when I said hello to her when she arrived. She looked at me and then walked straight past!! I'm about to leave for the same group and struggling not to put a whole fish in my handbag? AIBU? If not, what fish should I use?!!

Living maybe you could tip a skip of rotting fish over her car too, just for good measure?

Just been reading about your hagfish midnight - it sounds repulsive. A great find - hats off to you!

There are plenty of school mums I could swing my fish at, but I only have one fish and so I wouldn't waste it on them.

Now I'm no marine biologist, so could someone please suggest a fish big enough to go round the chops of one Kelvin MacKensie?

Lord Freud, who seems to have a pathological hatred, bordering on the psychotic, of anyone on any type of benefit, with a whole decomposing squid, or maybe rancid herring.

Any leftovers I would then rub in David Cameron's face.

Can we do a not lighthearted one? I have SO MANY

gin I would like the skip over car v mucho, but more if the head teacher went and asked her about her parking, then he slapped her with a wet fish too.

mcp oh I've ran her over with my buggy tons of times!

Yes a not lighted hearted and not for the faint hearted!

Wayne Rooney every time.
Definitely going with the manta ray. You could grab its tail, give it a good swing round like a hammerthrow and just slap him with the big end

I'm really feeling sorry for the fish.
Imagine being dragged out of the ocean depths to end your days dripping off the jowls of an arsemonkey.

Will no-one think of the fish??

Robbie Williams as he just won't stop gurning and pulling faces which irritates me. Maybe a wet fish round the chops would make him stop

Alastair - I would provide a tank and food for repeated service for face slapping.

Geri Halliwell, Mel B, Katie Price, Peter Andre, Katherine Jenkins, a girl called Rosie who tormented me at high school, Fiona Bruce, Bruce Forsyth, Tess Daly and Denise van Outen in a big SCD fishy slap-off. All with a dover sole or plaice.

I've changed my mind and want to smack Rosemary right in her big gob.

Zoe Ball and Tess Daly

Everyone over the age of 30 who still insists on being Katie, not Kate. Katie Price, Katie Hopkins, I'm especially looking at you!