To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

[TangoPurple]

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

Flat, do you have any understanding of autism? At all???!!

I think the lady in the wheel chair should have got to the till earlier so she didn't have to rush. She chose to put pressure on someone who was also rushing for the bus when the situation could have been avoided completely with a little forethought.

Tango, I don't think you were being selfish. As a parent of a child who has ASD myself I know how much these things can affect our dcs and in my ds's case it would have meant him being unsettled for days and really affected school and home-life, had a knock-on effect with his siblings etc.

As his mother, it's my job to try and make the best decisions I can for him. The world is a scary and confusing place to him in many ways and I have to do what I can to help mitigate that. Sometimes that means having to make tough decisions that I feel a little uncomfortable about.

Like you, I would have felt bad about it, because I wouldn't like to think of the other lady missing the only bus with wheelchair access and having to wait in the rain for another and I would have made a different decision if I had been on my own - but the fact remains that you made the best choice for your dd and you are perfectly within your rights to do that.

Tango, It was a difficult situation and the bloody bus companies should have more wheel-chair friendly services.

To those of you with autistic children, if you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?

Unless you are a recluse, you cannot avoid these, to an extent. Wouldn't it be better to help them find coping strategies rather than avoiding these normal life situations?

Are you being deliberatly ignorant Flatbread autism can't be 'cured' by telling people to get on with it ffs.

Words fail me.

To those of you with autistic children, if you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?

Er my severely autistic son will never live in the real world. He will require 24 hour 1:1 care for the rest of his life. HTH

Flatbread.

Have my very first .

Ok, I don't know what's happened to my last post explaining to those who are bend on twisting my opinion. This should be short and clear enough.

Read properly OP YWNBU for saying no. There is too much ignorance about less visible disabilities such as autism and personally I don't waste my breath explaining to ignorants. The other lady and the till operator (who needs to be taught/ trained about less visible disabilities) falls in this category. Explaining wouldn't make a difference.

OP some people only see what they want to see and believe only what they want to believe. Even if your daughter had a sticker on her forhead with" I suffer from autism" (I say this as a joke), there will be someone who will say but she can stand and walk, see etc.

Flatbread, it's really not that simple. I can't believe i'm having to do this for the second time today, but dd doesn't just dislike rain - she hates it. She says it's sore when it lands on her skin. She says the noise of it makes her ears sore too. She thinks that if she gets wet, she can't breathe. And god help us if she gets even a drop of it on her glasses.

No matter how much i force rain onto her, she'll never just get used to it.

We've established some coping strategies so that she no longer freaks out as much. She can just about tolerate light rain now, but when it's as heavy as it was today, it causes her great upset and - according to her - pain.

DS1 used to strip off if he got the teeniest tiniest drop of water on him (thankfully no longer as he's 5 foot 6 and growing an inch a day)

To those of you with autistic children, if you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?

I'm

Flatbread your ignorance is breath taking.

Saintly, my dd used to do that too! It drove me bonkers. Thanfully, she's no longer that extreme.

Spots - that has nothing to do with the post that has everyone wondering what the hell you were thinking when you said But OP I think you knew as soon as she asked you, you should have let her even though you probably needed the priority more than her and also you were in the queue first, this is based on the fact that you felt the need to justify your reason.

Flatbread - really, you know nothing. Make yourself more aware of what having autism really means or just stop posting such offensive crap.

Tango listen up my friend, you didn't do anything wrong and you don't have to justify yourself. You did what you needed to do. The other woman put herself in that situation by not planning her time better. You weren't selfish or rude - she was.

To those of you with autistic children, if you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?

Yes, you silly parents of autistic children. Hope you heed some of Flatbread's advice here, probably just what you've been waiting for

Oh, and OP YANBU in the slightest.

YANBU at all, you had yor valid reasons, in the time she spent talking about buses she could have joined a quicker queue. Autism is also a ds ability and you needed to take a quick safe way, or your dd could ut herself in danger

And, I would imagine, the OP implementing strategies which helps her daughter to avoid rain are the coping strategies that enable her to access the 'real world'.

I'm not going to suggest this is the same at all, but I am very sensitive to sunlight. I keep the curtains in the house closed because the sunlight (even on overcast) hurts my eyes. My skin is very sensitive to UV light. I wear sunglasses on all but the dullest days because it hurts my eyes not to. If I expose myself to sunlight instead of 'avoiding' it in these ways it won't benefit me at all - I won't get used to it. I will just be in constant pain/discomfort.

Flatbread, not all people with autism are able to cope in the 'real world' when they grow up. Exposing people to things they dislike does not always make them better equiped to deal with them, and sometimes it makes things worse.

I have a dd with Autism, some are never able to be independent so flatbreads argument is a non issue.

Meant to say, until I got diverted, OP YANBU

You did the right thing for your daughter :)

I was completing dd DLA form, somewhere I found a definition of Autism as being an organic brain disorder which characterises itself through behaviour. So no it's Wth the person for life, yes some less severe Autistic people do learn to cope, but those on the more severe end of the sectrum never gain indeoendence and have to have constant care and suervisoon

I don't think YWBU, but in your situation I think I would have told the lady in the wheelchair that I would try to get the driver to wait if I got to the bus before her. That would have been a good compromise and hopefully ended up with both of you getting on the bus and not having your mornings ruined (provided the driver was considerate enough to listen to you and wait). But it's done now, so there's no point in worrying about it.