To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

[TangoPurple]

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

yanbu
how odd of the woman.

Good point twofaced, i would def complain to tesco for their rude tillperson!

Quite glad am going to work since this thread is going to go along the lines of either that disabled people are entitled or that autism isnt a 'real disability'

Well some people will be saying those things , thankfully there are sensible people around too

Ilovemydog - let me hazzard a guess that you have no experience of a child with autism?

Spots - so being polite extends to putting a child with autism in danger or discomfort and making her late for school? Really?

Took 79 posts for you to be the first to say either though...

Sorry fanjo, I didnt mean that how it looks!

"BTW why did you feel the need to justify your no unless you knew felt you were being unreasonable?"
'Justify' is a bit pejorative here, don't you think? The OP explained her 'no' by telling the other woman that she also needed to get the bus. At which point this other woman looked shocked and started quizzing the OP about where she lived and instructed her on which other bus she should get.

Personally I think the OP was very polite to explain further, as personally I'd have told her to fuck right off at that point.

Beyondlimits: I think it would be fair to say that we all know some people (of all descriptions) who want to be treated the same way as everyone else unless they benefit from it. It has nothing whatsoever to do with their race, gender, sexuality or any other characteristic/combination of characteristics they might have.

However, in the case of disabled people. Things like blue badges or disabled toilets are not some perk to 'make up for' having a disability. They are there so that disabled people aren't excluded from everyday activities. It's a way of removing or mitigating the aspects of the environment that are disabling for people.

It is incredibly irritating when people make judgements about how things will affect you just because of how you look (to them at that particular moment). And it's very annoying that so many people seem to see a wheelchair as some kind of 'gold standard' in disability (i.e. everything else is somehow lesser).

I can imagine that it was very difficult for the OP to say 'no' to the lady's request. It's horrible having to explain your/your children's disability to strangers, and often quite demeaning, particularly when people don't believe you and get all judgemental.

It was very rude of the lady to keep going on/involve other people. If it mattered so much, she could have gone in front of the guy who offered. It sounds like he'd've helped her to move her shopping too. The checkout operator is supposed to be polite to the person s/he is serving at the time, not passive aggressively talk to the customer behind them about lack of respect. That's unacceptable behaviour and I doubt her manager/supervisor would be pleased.

In your shoes I think I would have done the same. I don't have a child with autism so I don't know how difficult this might be but I think sometimes you just have to make a decision quick, hope it's the right one and stick to it.

Beyond. People said the entitled thing and implied the other. I wasnt first. Could just see how it will go

I see that in the age I took typing that, you have retracted the potentially problematic post.

I do agree that disabled people are just as capable of being arses as everyone else, though. Being an arse is definitely something that cuts right across all social categories.

Its ok beyond, no offence taken

Not sure I believe any of this.

Its just one of those things op. generally I would have let the lady in the wheel chair go first, but not under the circumstances you describe. Its just one of those things.

IMO it doesn't matter whether OP's daughter had a visible disability or not, the other lady was wrong to expect the OP to let her go first. But OP I think you knew as soon as she asked you, you should have let her even though you probably needed the priority more than her and also you were in the queue first, this is based on the fact that you felt the need to justify your reason.

Wheelchair or not I assume she would have asked for preference for some other reasons.

OP don't feel bad for your actions. Your child's disability is nobody's business, you shouldn't justify yourself.

I would have given her priority. If you only went to get a few things, surely you could hold your bags in one hand and your dd with the other? It just meant a bit of discomfort for you, taking an alternative bus and walking one extra street. The other lady did not have a choice. It was either this bus or waiting for an hour in the rain and cold.

Sorry, think yabu. And apparently the check-out lady and other customers thought so too.

Does the supermarket have all checkouts wide enough for a wheelchair? Was this the only one she could use? If so YWBU.

Could you have offered to help her?

I would have done the same in your circumstance but would have said I will try and hold the bus if I could and press ganged the bus in to waiting for her.

she also would not have got the bus if she had gone as she had more shopping and it is likely that getting out would have been slower for her in a wheel chair if you and you daughter only just got the bus and the till person rushed your stuff through ( albeit in a huff).

Personally I think the OP was very polite to explain further, as personally I'd have told her to fuck right off at that point.

Agree with this, the lady in the wheelchair was very rude to more or less tell the OP that she can get a different bus in order to try to barge in front of her in the queue IMHO, the OPs daughter had every bit as much need to be on that bus as the other lady did and it would have pissed me right off in the OPs place to be told she didn't.

Have some people missed the fact that the OP's daughter has autism?!

Or do you just not understand the implications?

Spots But OP I think you knew as soon as she asked you, you should have let her even though you probably needed the priority more than her and also you were in the queue first

What on earth???

The thing is, if it takes you longer to do something or you know you can only get one bus, you usually make sure that you allow yourself enough time and/or feel annoyed at yourself if you haven't. It's no reasonable to take that out on other people.

I'm often annoyed at myself as I attempt to run for my train home from work because I haven't allowed myself enough time (and I have an invisible disability that means that trying to 'run' for the train is really not easy, and I do suffer for it afterwards). I'm not annoyed at other people who happen to be going about their daily business. I just resolve to be more organised in future. We all have to plan for the realities of our lives. Lots of people have to work around crappy bus timetables (often with a wait longer than 40 minutes), regardless of their physical abilities.

If anyone wants to be annoyed, they should be annoyed at the bus companies that are still running buses that are not accessible to people using wheelchairs. They are being unreasonable!

YWNBU. She's entitled to ask, but not entitled to queue jump in this instance.