To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

[TangoPurple]

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!

AIBU?

if all buses were accessible this wouldn't have been as much of a problem
two disabled people fighting while the bus company save money they should spend on adaptations

How do you get someone with autism to cope?

One way I imagine, is to ensure their school day isn't written off by a wheelchair user bagging their place on a bus!

OP YWNBU under the circumstances.

Flatbreads comments are jaw droppingly unpleasant. I'm really shocked that someone could say those kinds of things.

flatbread I'm astonished at your continued posts, they are unbelievable.

Perhaps instead of worrying about having a 'passion for dinnerware' and being snide about people serving pasta to their friends on a Saturday night, you might spend some time educating yourself to avoid giving further offence?

:)

YANBU. I would make a complaint about the checkout operator though. If you look on the reciept it will probably say 'you were served by today, or if you went in then they would be able to identify from the reciept. She was being unprofessional even without your dd having a disability, but with that information too she would benefit from additional training in disability awareness.

I'd love one of my sons "to be functioning adults with a job and family one day"

I don't think it'll happen though.

Two of my kids it could go either way, but it's by no means guaranteed, and the chances are eroding further and further with all the cuts being made.

Flatbread I am astounded. So what if the lady was disabled and ad to wait for a bus, she is not going to melt is she . just because she is a wheelchairv user des not make her fragile. I suggest you read up about Autism. Moose puts it perfectly. Yes the woman had every righ to ask, and the op had every right to refuse considering her circumstances. Sorry she has to put her dd needs before anybody else. The time in which te woman took explaining about bus routes, she could have found a shorter queue, as there was one

Flatbread, your comments appear to be getting worse!
I thought nothing could beat "To those of you with autistic children, if you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?
Unless you are a recluse, you cannot avoid these, to an extent. Wouldn't it be better to help them find coping strategies rather than avoiding these normal life situations?"..but, you manger to come up with "my friend's husband" - classic!

Clearly your friend's husband's mother was a superior parent.

YWNBU - she was rude to try to redirect your route home - quite cheeky of her IMO.

oh dear flatbread, wanna borrow my spade??

I should add that I wouldn't think OP less reasonable if her child didn't have autism.....regardless her DD would have been late for school.

I was at an airport in a huge queue in the duty free. Lady on a disabled scooter ran over a mans foot shot herself to a closed till and shouted "can I pay now, I'm disabled" and someone rushed over and served her.

I thought it was all wrong to be honest, if she'd said "can I pay here please my planes been called" fine, but it did make my eyebrows go right up.

For what it's worth, we had a coffee after and she was in the cafe area too so certainly wasn't in a rush.

I want to help, I want life to be easier but sometimes there is a bit of entitlement, or at least there SEEMS to be some.

What's the consensus with my example? I didn't say or do anything, it was just, well, a kind of eyebrows up in surprise kinda moment.

In your situation I would not have given her my place. If i wasn't in a rush for the bus OR if there were many buses i could get and only one she could then yes I would have let her go first of course. But in the situation you describe I just dont see why she should expect to be let through especially as your daughter is autistic - and you explained this. Im sure that she could look around another shop or two then head for the bus stop for the next bus just the same as you would probably have done had she got the till before you.

QOD

I wouldn't assume any kind of general sense of entitlement. I'd assume a fairly unpleasant person had found a wily way to get what she wanted by taking advantage of people's good nature (or at least their desire to not appear horrible).

I've only read the first few posts. I don't think you were unreasonable and the woman sounds very entitled - not reasonably entitled, as anyone in a wheelchair has the right to be, but unreasonably entitled.

You have a daughter with SN
You had less shopping than her and needed the same bus, which she probably wouldn't have made it to anyway as she had more than you and you only just made it.

If you had let her go first, neither of you would have got the bus but as she failed to accept your reasons for needing that bus, she was being very rude herself.

I hope you feel a bit better tonight.

I think you've probably hit it on the head Jamie!

I wish I could have seen her shopping, if it was fags and booze I could have done a cats bum face too.

YWNBU. I don't think you did anything wrong. She should have timed it better to allow for queuing at the checkout. Alternatively, she could have milled about in the supermarket for the extra 35 minutes. Lord knows, I spent 2 hours in sainsbury's this morning piss-arsing about.

QODs post makes me imagine Madge Harvey from Benidorm in the duty free .

Exactly she could have waited in the supermarket cafe or on the benches until the next bus

Quod I am sure that woman is not the only one, the op found anther one today. Some seem quite entitled and take advantage

YANBU.

It was reasonable for the woman to ask, but equally it was reasonable for you to politely refuse. You weren't saying no out of spite, you said no because you had to get the same bus and missing it would cause huge problems for your daughter, who also has a disability. And the woman surely wouldn't need to wait in the rain for 40 minutes if the bus stop was immediately outside the shop- could she not wait indoors?

OP YANBU. I have a 2.11 year old DD with autism and I don't even leave the house without the buggy. If something upsets her she will not walk and she will suddenly lie down on the floor if distressed. I don't think the woman behind you was expecting a no. I also would complain to TESCO. You were their customer and should have had courteous service whatever the opinion of the cashier.
There is a lot of misunderstanding about asd and it makes me sad for my DD that she has to face it. I am heartened however that most mumsnetters are aware of the difficulties of ASD.

OP I do not think YWBU, at all. You had a perfectly valid reason to say no.

DS has a couple of schoolfriends who're autistic, so I have what amounts to a teeny tiny window into the condition, and it is a teeny window. I just don't know how their parents cope, they are amazing. I do my best if his friends come round for tea, but will always take their mum's advice on how to make the playdate work.

I saw one child go into meltdown over something, and it was heartbreaking, but his mum was there at the time, so I simply followed her cue in helping her DS. No way am I going to assume that I know all there is to know about ASD, I know pitifully little (but improving).

Needingsomeadvice, can I suggest you don't take any advice from Flatbread.

YWNBU - you were polite and she shouldn't have continued questioning you. Even if your dd wasn't autistic you still had to be somewhere. Perhaps the supermarket could have opened up another til for her. She was rude to keep on questioning you.

I suppose you could have asked the bus to wait but they may not have done so.