To think that colleagues shouldn't take the piss out of my packed lunch? (trivial)

[NairyHipples]

I've been on a diet for the last week, my packed lunch generally consists of chicken salad and lentils, or soup and seeded bread. My colleagues (all men) think it is hysterical that I eat lentils (whilst scoffing Pringles and quaffing Red Bull) so any put-downs would be much appreciated.

"Fuck off tosspots" would be my first choice, or maybe "Aw it's a shame you aren't man enough to grow facial hair for Movember"

Shut your stupid big fat face loser works well in my experience

How is the diet going anyway ?

Can't use offensive words like 'fuck, tosspot, stupid fat loser'. Need to be more succint

or even succinct

Mind your own, chubby?

"I'd recommend you try it. Might help with your love handles."

"Wow, how empty must your life be, that your laughing at soup?"

You're not your. Sorry.

How about the classic - "at least I can lose weight - you'll always be ugly!"

Are you a boy or a girl? Helps me think of some out downs

Say with wide open eyes and no emotion in your voice "This is actually my now deceased partners spleen. Blended." Then drink a spoonful while spilling a drop down your top. Maintain eye contact with no blinking or care for your top. I promise they won't even acknowledge that you exist in future let alone care about your food. :o

just say Ahhh I'd love to eat pringles etc for lunch, but it makes me fat.... but you go ahead. sweetly

@ Lookat all
QOD Wish I was a girl, but am fully-fledged woman

"So's your face" works in most situations.

Tequila I don't have any scales, but my DD says I look slimmer!

look I like the cut of your jib, lady.

How about the classic - "at least I can lose weight - you'll always be ugly!"
Love that oldie but goodie Brian.

Burst into tears and threaten to go to HR shouting "you're all bullying me wahhh"

They sound like a bore.
I'm not sure I'd even bother to react, never mind think of a witty response.

Thanks binfull. My real life counterparts don't appreciate it. :o

I felt inadequate because I couldn't compete with the hideousness of your farts. These lentils should sort that out, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. [evil]

Natasha Love the idea of pooing in their Pringles, but might get caught

Now I can't think of anything ....

"I need to get rid of some ugly fat, I had to chose between you and a diet"

Hmm how about
' My lunch really has nothing to do with you or anyone else, it's just a lunch.'
"I eat good foods because I want to look after my health "
"Yes, and you don't, would you like to compare arteries?"
"You sure take an unusual interest in my food." (Said with a "that's kind of weird" tone of voice).
"Sigh....do I need to explain my food EVERY day? Can't I just eat in peace for once?"
"My goodness, you're right! Someone find me a cake. I must bury my face in it up to my ears."

I think the classic 'did you mean to be so rude' would work in this instance. Or tell them about the link between red bull and erectile dysfunction totally made up

Thanks Chocolate I can use all of those