to think the doctor was inappropriate?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Last Wednesday my DD (aged 13) had a dr appointment. She had to take her top off for the dr, and the dr said "you're a big girl aren't you?"

My DD is a size 10 so she's not overweight. She is also around 5ft 5, so hardly tall/big.

I can only really assume that she was referring to her chest. She is definitely bigger than most girls her age and it does make her self conscious. Surely that would be a rather inappropriate comment for a dr to make?

[LottieJenkins]

I would complain, i regret not complaining when a doctor told my son who is deaf and autistic to drop his trousers without any warning. Wilf told her no. She then went out to the support worker who was on the other side of the curtain and said "he has said no can you ask him??" Luckily the support worker had heard the conversation and told the doctor to accept Wilfs decision. Interestingly that hospital was no 3 on the most complained about list which speaks volumes to me!!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hiddenhome* not arguing about it being inappropriate! I said that from the start. All I meant was - I think the DD's reaction does have some bearing on how you bring the matter to the Dr's attention. I'm not saying drop it if she wasn't bothered. Moot point now anyway as the OP has clarified her DD was upset.

[GrumpyCynicalBastard]

They allowed a 13 year old a consultation without a parent or chaperone? Really?

[Remotecontrolduck]

Grumpy, why would they NOT see a 13 year old on their own? They do have a right to some privacy!

Completely inappropriate. Do NOT see that doctor again, and officially complain. Bloody weird

[TotallyEggFlipped]

Maybe the GP meant "big girl" as in you're not a young child/you're a young adult???

[forbiddenfruit85]

TotallyEggFlipped

I did consider this, however she said it when my DD removed her top. Obviously she was just in her bra and jeans. That is why I am more inclined to think she was referring to her chest.

And because her stomach was on show DD believes that the doctor was saying she was "fat".

[TotallyEggFlipped]

I'd still assume it meant older, especially since your DD is size 10 & GP is female.
I think that at her age, needing a bra could taken be a sign of maturity by some people

[TotallyEggFlipped]

However, if either you or DD thought it was inappropriate or were upset or offended by the comment, you should say something to the practice. Maybe there was no intent behind the remark, but at least the GP can learn not to repeat that sort of comment that's liable to cause upset. If she did mean your DD was fat or was passing remarks about her shape, then she needs to be pulled up on it.

[RooneyMara]

I doubt it was meant to be insensitive or inappropriate, but still, it was. It's not the Dr's place to say something like this.

I think you should probably avoid seeing that Dr again but I don't know if I would bother complaining formally. Maybe have a word to Practice Manager and say that your daughter was upset by a personal comment and perhaps they could speak to the Dr concerned, and make sure it doesn't happen again.

[RooneyMara]

x posts, sorry

[NamingOfParts]

Totally inappropriate and thoughtless.

As a contrast my 12 year old had to have a breast exam for a lump. The doctor was totally appropriate and professional, allowed DD to take her top off in private, asked her if she wanted a nurse or me to be there (nice to offer DD the choice I thought). No comment about her stage of development except to the extent that it impacted the reason DD had gone to the doctor.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Are you sure it's not been taken out of context? Eg maybe you daughter seemed uncomfortable taking her top off, so the doctor said your a big girl, meaning, that she is mature enough to go for doctors appointment on her own.? Misconstrued small talk?

[CecilyP]

The most innocent explanation is that the doctor thought she was a big girl for 13. Average height for an adult woman but quite tall for a 13 year old. It still seems an odd thing to say to someone who has just taken her top off. And completely unecessary.

[Viperidae]

Some healthcare professionals are intelligent people who come across as incredibly stupid! My DD has had issues around weight/self image/eating for years, is 170cm tall and a size 10 yet had a nurse make a weight comment at a "pill clinic". I do despair sometimes.

I would mention it to the practice manager but, honestly, I don't expect this sort of thing will ever improve. GPs are trained endlessly in communication skills and, if she hasn't got it right now she probably never will.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

when I was about 18 I had to go for a medical as part of a job, I saw the doctor on my own and he commented that i was 'well covered' and told me to take my top off so he could do a breast exam, i was so naive I did even though it felt wrong. years later I now realise he was just a complete perv! make an appointment and have a chat with her about it.

[socharlotte]

I think size 10 is quite big for a 13 yo actually

[Remotecontrolduck]

socharlottle, it's slightly bigger than the average 13 year old (but by no means abnormally massive ffs), but even if she was 6ft and a size 16, it is NOT something a professional should be saying to someone who is likely to be sensitive about such things!!

[Ginandtonicandamassageplease]

Err, socharlotte did you really just say that? And how is that helpful or relevant?

[forbiddenfruit85]

I'll tell her to go and starve herself then socharlotte. Because obviously I'd be much happier if she was a size 6, or even a size 4. I have my fingers crossed that she will develop anorexia or if I'm really lucky bulimia.

[socharlotte]

an average 13 yo is size 6

[socharlotte]

I think the doctor was referring to her general frame size and height rather than her boobs or fatness

[Ginandtonicandamassageplease]

I feel like I want to apologise on socharlotte's be shelf to you OP. I'm so shocked and sorry that she said that. Don't take it to heart.

[Ginandtonicandamassageplease]

I meant behalf!!

[socharlotte]

which is what 'big' actually means

[Ginandtonicandamassageplease]

Big has many connotations socharlotte. Don't try and backtrack now.