to think the doctor was inappropriate?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Last Wednesday my DD (aged 13) had a dr appointment. She had to take her top off for the dr, and the dr said "you're a big girl aren't you?"

My DD is a size 10 so she's not overweight. She is also around 5ft 5, so hardly tall/big.

I can only really assume that she was referring to her chest. She is definitely bigger than most girls her age and it does make her self conscious. Surely that would be a rather inappropriate comment for a dr to make?

[squeakytoy]

Are you up north by any chance OP?

A "good weight" could be meant as she is on the heavy side.

She does sound well built for a 13 year old, and I dont mean fat, I simply mean not skinny.

How much does she weigh?

[manicinsomniac]

I don't think there's any such thing as an 'average' size for a 13 year old is there? Due to puberty the range is vast.

I teach tiny pre pubescent 13 year old girls who are probably wearing AGE 10 clothes and very developed, almost adult looking 13 year olds who are certainly much taller and heavier than me and could easily be a size 10 or 12 but certainly aren't FAT, just proportionate and post puberty.

I think the doctor was referring to your daughter's chest and it was horrible. Even more horrible because she should have realised that a 13 year old could easily interpret the comment as 'fat' and at such a vulnerable age that is appalling.

[NamingOfParts]

Sorry squeakytoy but my 14 year old son would have been mortified - and there is the difference. You know your stepson, I know my son. The doctor would not know either of them from a hole in the floor.

Therefore the doctor should act appropriately for both - making personal comments which are irrelevant is inappropriate and quite frankly offensive.

[forbiddenfruit85]

No squeakytoy I am not up North.

I mean a good healthy weight. She has a normal BMI too.

And why do you want to know how much she weighs? So you can further make horrible digs and say 'well built' when actually you DO just mean overweight?

[wonderingsoul]

i would go bat shit crazy--- once i had visulised mentally bitch slapping the cow i would then in realty complain to the head of surgery. maybe even pals? though im not sur ehow that all works?

im sure by your op.. she wasnt refering to her weight. but a teen ager will take that as being fat. and thats a very deadly thing to be heard, esp from a profesional in the health care. i would have another chat with your daughter. make her belive that the gp was comepletly wrong and out of order. and talk about eating disorder in a "easy " way. how much damage they cause.

[BillyBollyBallum]

Bollocks I'm sorry. Any person who is sitting there semi clothed in an embarassing situation should not have comments made on their physicality unless it is medically necessary.

IF there was a need to comment on a CHILD's weight then that should have been done sensitively when she was covered up and comfortable again. Not when sat in a vulnerable position.

And fwiw your dd sounds perfect OP.

[squeakytoy]

You sound rather defensive to be honest. I havent made any horrible digs at all. Show me where I have please?

[PlateSpinningAtAllTimes]

Definitely an inappropriate comment, definitely complain. I had bulimia for years and, while the causes of these things are complex, it's comments like the one the gp made that always stuck in my mind for years. I was also incredibly sensitive about bust size and always wished they were smaller/would stop growing etc. Not every girl/woman wants big boobs!

[blisterpack]

What was the examination for forbidden? Just wondering really, don't answer if you don't want to.

And yes I don't think it was the best thing to say. My children are a bit younger so we always get this ("My, you're a big girl!") as they're changing so much so quickly, but I'd feel a bit if someone did it as a direct response to seeing their unclothed body.

[MurderOfGoths]

"I am not saying this girl is overweight but it's not necessarily inappropriate for a GP to make a comment like this."

Even if she was overweight, "you are a big girl" is not an appropriate way to bring up a concern about weight! Neither is it professional!

As for the Dr seeing so many bodies that they might not have thought about it, as part of their job they are likely to be dealing with vulnerable people, they bloody well should think about it.

"If the 13yo in question here has a large bust, then a factual comment made by the doctor will be nothing compared to the comments made by her peers."

Why does the doctor need to comment on anyone's bust size?? And comparing it to what peers say? You almost make it sound like they should be grateful it isn't as bad as the stuff peers say, is that what you meant?

[McChristmasPants2012]

OP can you please tell me what the appoinment was for.

I couldn't imagine my DD going to a GP with a heath problem which needed her to take her top off without being there.

[NamingOfParts]

McChristmasPants2012 - my DD had a breast exam because of a lump. I was there at DD's choice. When they hit the teenage years their rights start supercede yours. If DD had not wanted me to be there then I wouldnt have been.

I am very surprised (and just a little bit disappointed) at the posters who have thought that the doctor's comments were appropriate.

[McChristmasPants2012]

i agree the doctor should of worded it better.

[blisterpack]

? Is NamingOfParts the OP then?

[NamingOfParts]

No, I am not OP, why?

I happen to have had a similarly aged DD need a doctor's exam. DD's experience was very appropriate and professional. OP's experience appears to have been the opposite.

What I have tried to convey is that a doctor can conduct an intimate exam with a pubescent girl and for it to be conducted well.

[Flojo1979]

The GP clearly made a bad judgement call there. Was probably try to ve friendly/jokey to OP rather than address DD and got it way off the mark.
But I think a formal complaint is a bit OTT.
I'd spend the time trying to desensitise DD if things like that upset her.

[cumfy]

This is clearly distressing for you.

Make an appointment with the GP and sort it out face-to-face.
You're just going round in circles otherwise.

[blisterpack]

Sorry Naming it sounded like you were the OP because of the question above your post.

[NamingOfParts]

No worries blisterpack. It was just coincidental that my DD had had an intimate exam which had been done so well when the OP's DD's experience had been so poor.

I do actually think it is worth making a formal complaint to the surgery because if this is this a doctor who speaks without thinking then in a GPs practice this can do a lot of harm.

[socharlotte]

According to WHO growth charts the 50th centile for a 13 yo is 155 cm or 5 ft 1 inch .The Ops DD is 4 inches taller than this!!

[manicinsomniac]

^^
That can't possibly be the UK average though is it? It's the world average surely.

I'm 5ft 1 and by the summer term of last year (when most of our Y8s had turned 13) there were 3 girls out of 24ish who were smaller than me (and one of those was still 12)

[Lesbanian]

I would be fuming and certainly make a complaint, teens are self concious enough without a thoughtless doctor making comment. It does not matter if she is a little taller than average or a bigger size than average (not that she is by the sound of it) it still should not have been said.

Even if a patient is so overweight there health is being affected there are ways of discussing it and that isn't it.

[nooka]

5'5" for a 13 year old seems pretty average to me. My dd is 12 and 5'8", although she is tall it is commented on all the time, but generally only when people first meet her or when they find out she is younger than they expect. It woudl seem a pretty strange thing to comment on half way through an appointment.

From the context I think the OP is right and the comment was on her dd's breasts, and I agree it was inappropriate. I think it is worth raising it with the practice.

[differentnameforthis]

Squeaky, why does the dr even NEED to make an observation as to the size of her bust, even if it was a factual statement? Seriously, if my male or female dr said that to me, I would be thinking "wtf". It doesn't actually matter if the op's daughter is, in fact "big", what matters is, is that it shouldn't even be a talking point. Unless she was there for breast reduction.

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

Fair enough she isn't talking about weight - otherwise she would have delivered a lecture on healthy eating and handed over a diet sheet.