DP on lads holiday?

[ukipjr2008]

I'm 22 and my DP is 26. We have been together for 2.5 years and lived together for 2 years.

Next year my DP wanted to go on holiday with his mates during term time (I'm a teacher so can only go on holidays during school holidays.) I said I didn't mind as long as it wasn't a stereotypical 18-30 clubbing place. It makes me really uncomfortable to think of him going to one of those places, I think he's too old for it and it's embarrasing for both me and himself. Also I know what his friends are like, they don't actively hate me but it's not like they're my friends at all and all the people he are going with are single and the type that would egg him on to do stupid stuff. I don't think he would cheat on me and he never has before or anything, but I think that there is a definitely a strong chance that he would push the boundaries of what would upset me. Plus despite all of that I would really miss him if he went away for as long as a week. We were apart for a week about 6 months after we first got together and when he came back he said he missed me so much he wouldn't go again, that's obviously not how he feels anymore!!

he is insisting of going to one of these places as they're 'so much cheaper' and it's 'not fair on anyone else if they have to pay more'. At first I wasn't happy with him going on holiday at all but then I conceded, but now he is determined to go to one of these places I'm really upset. He says he is booking it anyway, I'm embarrassing him and that I'm being really unreasonable.

Well the question is... AIBU? Whatever happens I will never change being upset that he is going and the week that he is there will be absolutely awful, but I guess if enough people that weren't his idiotic mates thought I was being stupid maybe I would try to make the effort to pretend that I'm not upset about it at least. So any answers appreciated.......

[Pagwatch]

I think you mean your DP has too much respect for your view of lads holidays. My DH has respect for me. I just don't mind him going away because I trust him

[THERhubarb]

Well one look at the OPs name and I must admit, I very nearly didn't post on this thread.

Good to see she's taken the time to reply to everyone.

FWIW I think most posters would have a HUGE problem if their partners were to go on an 18-30s holiday with a group of single lads. Who wouldn't? Seriously?

This isn't about whether or not he would cheat, it's about the appropriateness of a holiday that largely caters for sex mad singletons. It's a bit like someone booking a naturist holiday but then trying to convince you that they wouldn't take their clothes off.
Why open yourself up to temptation? Presumably the lads he would be going with are free to do what the hell they please so what's he going to do? Go for long walks on the beach whilst they have fun in the hotel?

Of course he should be free to go on holiday with his friends. But if you are committed to one person, why would you then book a holiday where you know that temptation plus alcohol are going to be rife every single day and all your mates will be at it in front of you.

Dh went to Turkey for a week with a friend of ours. This friend was also single but he's a great friend of mine as well as dh's. They had a great time together - no kids, no worries!

I went the year after for a week in Croatia with my female friend. Both of us married but we spend a week with no husbands and no kids. Bliss.

I do think that the OP needs to question her partner's commitment to her if he insists on going. It could be that he's really not that keen anymore and is cowardly looking for ways out of the relationship. Perhaps he is hoping that she will break up with him? Or maybe he just wants to have his cake and eat it.

Either way, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

temptation? temptation isn't an issue if you aren't a cheater.

[squeakytoy]

"I said I know my DP wouldn't cheat"

Unless you have them by your side 24/7 then nobody can categorically state that their partner wouldnt cheat.

And cheating can happen anywhere, it doesnt have to be on a 18-30 holiday..

[BelaLugosisShed]

"There's been a few stag do's to eastern europe in our friendship group" -

that is far , far worse than going away for some cheap booze and sunshine, most men only go on stag do's to Prague etc. for strip clubs and paid sexual encounters.

Partner going away to Spain/wherever with a group of friends, fine, partner going on Stag trip to Eastern Europe, no way in hell, that is one of the least respectful actions I can imagine.

[Pagwatch]

My DP can't afford to cheat

[WorraLiberty]

May I be the first to suggest the OP has a Spa Weekend?

That'll learn the bastard and make everything better.

[Pagwatch]

Hahahahaha at Worra

I think technically I may have already suggested that

[THERhubarb]

Whether your partners are cheaters or not, consider this:

18-30's holidays openly encourage sexual games
They also encourage drinking games
The vast majority of people on that holiday will be young, single and looking for a good time
His friends are all single and so will be free to indulge in all sorts of activities

You could put the most faithful and loving guy in that situation and he'd have a hard time staying that way.

My dh has never ever given me any reason to doubt either but mix alcohol with pretty girls who have gorgeous bodies and are up for some fun and I really wouldn't like to guarantee that he'd not be tempted.

So why do it?

[THERhubarb]

Was I the only one to spot the OP's choice of username?
And has she been back at all since starting the thread?

[PurplePidjin]

If a woman took her clothes off in front of my dp, he'd hand her his coat before she got cold

He has very clear and definite views on the exploitation of women in the sex industry that go hand in hand with his general views on bullying those perceived as weaker. He has respect for women as sisters and mothers.

That's how i know mine wouldn't cheat - he's an adult.

[WorraLiberty]

Pag

Rhubarb he's not going on an 18-30s holiday.

The OP says she's got a problem with him going on that type of holiday.

In other words a cheap, boozy sunshine resort that's popular with young people wanting a quick break (or that's my interpretation of that type of holiday anyway).

Perhaps trekking up and down mountains, herding goats isn't his thing...but I get the impression it would please the OP.

[THERhubarb]

Ah, my own search reveals all.

Well I'll leave this one as the usual "MY dh would NEVER cheat" and "every man is a cheating wanker" debate. I might pop in with a cuppa later on for a bit of light entertainment though

[WorraLiberty]

I think we all spotted the OP's username but it's a legitimate party and none of my business tbh.

[MargeySimpson]

So your DP thinks the porn industry undermines women Purple? Bet he thinks models are too skinny too

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Rhubarb I noticed,though not when I first commented. It's a bit .

She answered a couple of times but after being almost unanimously disagreed with she changed her name to MargerySimpson disappeared never to return.

[WorraLiberty]

Ooh that sounded snippy of me...it wasn't intended to be

[MargeySimpson]

That was reference to friends before you get on your high horse...

[YouSeveredHead]

He could cheat going to the corner shop if he really wanted too, it does as though you don't trust him.

[THERhubarb]

Ah right, thanks Worra.

Still, if he has those kind of mates who have no respect for her and will encourage him to shag everything that moved whilst pouring vodka down his throat then I can see her point.

Can't really see anything in the OP that makes you think she wants him to spend the week visiting mountain goats. Surely she'd want him to support the UK tourist industry away? You don't want to give us Brits a bad name in Europe now do you?

[MargeySimpson]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i only know what UKIP is because of the thread the other day! Love that you think I care that much about what people on mumsnet think that i'd change my name to back myself up?

[QuickLookBusy]

I agree withTheRubarb I have the misfortune to watch a TV programme about people on a 18-30s holiday. I can't remember it's name but some of the images are imprinted on my brain forever

It was a series and I made encouraged DDs watch it, I think they were about 15/16. It totally put them off ever going on one.

But, I suppose if drinking yourself to unconsciousness whilst performing a sex act on a banana is our thing, then you might enjoy.

[THERhubarb]

Ahhhh, so the OP has name changed!

Now why pray, would you do that OP? Why name change in the middle of a thread that is barely 5 pages long?

I smell a thread deletion coming....

(Worra my observation was more to do with legimacy issues regarding the thread rather than the very well respected and not at all loony political party)

[WorraLiberty]

Still, if he has those kind of mates who have no respect for her and will encourage him to shag everything that moved whilst pouring vodka down his throat then I can see her point

She hasn't said that either to be fair.

And so what if his mates did physically pour drink down his throat (doubtful if he doesn't want to drink it) and encourage him to have sex with other people.

He's got his own mind surely?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Margery...I was joking!