DP on lads holiday?

[ukipjr2008]

I'm 22 and my DP is 26. We have been together for 2.5 years and lived together for 2 years.

Next year my DP wanted to go on holiday with his mates during term time (I'm a teacher so can only go on holidays during school holidays.) I said I didn't mind as long as it wasn't a stereotypical 18-30 clubbing place. It makes me really uncomfortable to think of him going to one of those places, I think he's too old for it and it's embarrasing for both me and himself. Also I know what his friends are like, they don't actively hate me but it's not like they're my friends at all and all the people he are going with are single and the type that would egg him on to do stupid stuff. I don't think he would cheat on me and he never has before or anything, but I think that there is a definitely a strong chance that he would push the boundaries of what would upset me. Plus despite all of that I would really miss him if he went away for as long as a week. We were apart for a week about 6 months after we first got together and when he came back he said he missed me so much he wouldn't go again, that's obviously not how he feels anymore!!

he is insisting of going to one of these places as they're 'so much cheaper' and it's 'not fair on anyone else if they have to pay more'. At first I wasn't happy with him going on holiday at all but then I conceded, but now he is determined to go to one of these places I'm really upset. He says he is booking it anyway, I'm embarrassing him and that I'm being really unreasonable.

Well the question is... AIBU? Whatever happens I will never change being upset that he is going and the week that he is there will be absolutely awful, but I guess if enough people that weren't his idiotic mates thought I was being stupid maybe I would try to make the effort to pretend that I'm not upset about it at least. So any answers appreciated.......

[cutegorilla]

If the whole holiday is geared up to getting drunk and shagging then I can't think why someone would want to go if that's not what they want to do.

[MargeySimpson]

Wow no one on mumsnet can read can they? I said I know my DP wouldn't cheat, and that girls wouldn't care if he was married. Doesn't mean that he would sleep with them anyway, but I have no doubt that they would try. That's the whole point of those kind of holidays.

an eastern europe type drinking holiday i would be slightly less worried about (although my housemates at uni went on one and said strippers were very cheap?) because it's more centered around drinking, rather than the drinking and shagging of the 18-30's holidays (again, not that dp would shag around, but if I were to tell people DP had gone to budapest or kavos, I know what i'd be more embarassed about saying).

[MargeySimpson]

what cutegorilla said

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

margey what does it matter if they try? he wont cheat so they could stand naked infront of him and it wouldn't matter! how do you not get this?

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

and no, it's not the whole point. as i said i was there in the summer and last year too. my friend didn't cheat nor did i have sex with anyone (even though i'm single!) and we met with a group of 10 girls. 2 of them were in relationships and didn't cheat.

[WorraLiberty]

The OP hasn't said he's going on an 18 - 30's holiday...

[MargeySimpson]

I do get it rock, I just think it's a stupid point. DP could be stood in a room full of women dying to tear his clothes off, just because he wouldn't do anything with them, doesn't make it okay! My DP wouldn't put himself in that kind of situation, because it's not fair on me, to think of him like that.

My point is, even if your experience was different, overall, most people go there to get drunk and have sex. MOST people, as in the majority of people there, not all.

[JenaiMathis]

If someone has such a low opinion of their partner that they don't trust them to go on a holdaidy with firends, what one earth are they doing with them?

OP, I would seriously consider your relationship with this man, certainly before you have children with him. If he has any sense he's questioning it already tbh.

[EuroShagmore]

YAB completely U. If you don't trust him, that's a broader problem with your relationship. If you do, then why would him going away for a week's holiday with friends be a problem?

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

so is your DP 'allowed' to go out with his mates at home margey?

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

i wouldn't be with someone who told me i couldn't go on holiday with friends to wherever i wanted to go. you either trust me or you dont. i dont accept "i trust you as far as the airport but not any further"

[WorraLiberty]

margey you really don't come across as though you trust your DP at all.

I know you say you do, but actually it sounds as though you just keep him away from those 'situations'.

If you trusted him you wouldn't give a shiny shit where he went on holiday, what type of women he was surrounded by and what they wore.

[MargeySimpson]

To be fair, we have a weird relationship. We met at uni, where I lived in a house with 9 lads, as the other girl we lived with dropped out of uni. So most of DP's lad mates are just as close to me as we all lived togehter for 3 years. so we've never been on holiday/clubbing without each other. Now as more of our friends have long term girlfriends, we all go to bars;/clubbing together and don't have lad's/girls holidays or nights out....

[MargeySimpson]

living with so many single lads, also taught me what happens on lads holidays!

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

maybe just living with a certain type of lads?

i know quite a lot of men in their 20's who just aren't cheaters, whether in the uk or in magaluf. also met some in benidorm that were on lads holidays but had girlfriends at home. they didn't cheat.

[Pagwatch]

No Margey - living with single lads has taught you what single lads do on those holidays.
That is nothing to do with men in relationships.

Dh has gone away with mates every year since we were engaged when he was 20. He has managed to say no without slaggy girls managing to have their wicked way with him

[MargeySimpson]

The op said they were all single and were the type to 'egg him on'... so surely they are a certain type of lads, who attract a certain type of girl...

[Fillybuster]

Where has the OP run off to?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yes...single lads Margery

I don't think meeting your DP at university makes the relationship particularly unusual. Nor is hanging out in large groups. All pretty normal in the great scheme of things.

[IAmSoFuckingRock]

i was talking about your DP margey.

[MargeySimpson]

or so you think pagwatch
god if there is no way i'd put up with DP wasting money on a lads holidays if me and DS were sat at home! every year, that's a bit excessive..

[Pagwatch]

And?

What a woman does is not the point. Egging on or slaggy girls are not the point.

Or are you saying that you would have to avoid alcohol and pushy men or you would shag around?

A man is capable of saying no. Only a few of them have uncontrolable foraging peni incapable of refusing a larger, a mini skirt and a cry of 'get in there my son'.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think OP is gone never to return.

[Pagwatch]

Why? He goes away with his mates. I go to Pennyhill or Cliveden. I think I do better out of the deal but it's his choice.
[shrug]

[MargeySimpson]

I already said my DP wouldn't go on a lad's holiday, he has too much respect for me for a start. I don't think any of our friends have been on one since they were about 18/19 anyway. There's been a few stag do's to eastern europe in our friendship group but not to anywhere inbetweeners style