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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Prefer to be beautiful to having brains?

264 replies

charlmarascoxo · 24/11/2012 19:31

I was asked - would you rather be beautiful and have below average intelligence or would be rather be clever and be dull looking/plain jane.

I went with beauty.

It seems to me that in society having beauty is quite highly valued and life is perhaps easier because you are more accepted. Most people however chose brains over beauty. So perhaps I am in the minority?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 24/11/2012 20:10

Brains - I had both - pre kids I could stop traffic (normally by throwing myself in front of it)

seriously though beauty fades - brains are what pay my mortgage and keep me in 'hold you in' pants

Plomino · 24/11/2012 20:13

I'd go with brains . No good being the most beautiful person around , if you reveal yourself to be either ignorant or have an ugly character the moment you open your mouth.

honeytea · 24/11/2012 20:15

I would prefer to be happy. most of the especially beautifull or exceptionally clever people I know are not among the happiest.

I think to have the ability to accept and appreciate the beauty and brains that you naturally have no matter how average/under average or exceptional you are is the most important asset.

mijas99 · 24/11/2012 20:16

I tease my wife that she is as beautiful as she is intelligent

Which she finds insulting :)

3monkeys3 · 24/11/2012 20:18

Youth fades, but the truly beautiful remain so. I have been thinking about this for about 15 minutes now and still can't decide which I'd choose - I am quite pretty and quite clever, but not exceptional in either area - I don't know which I'd be happier with/without. I suppose if I were stupid I wouldn't understand the depths of my stupidity?

HollyDayzacummin · 24/11/2012 20:18

I have a niece who is beautiful. She has had terrible relationships with men since her late teens. Now in her mid 20s she has finally found someone who likes her for who she is, not what she looks like. First three boyfriends were dick-heads and the last one was abusive. No advantage to being beautiful in my opinion.

For my daughter, I prefer her to have brains over beauty. She is beautiful, but not stunningly so. She will be the kind of girl who, when scrubbed up, will probably be classed as very pretty, or maybe even beautiful. What's more important for her, however, is that she's beautiful on the inside. She is kind to other people. She supports her friends. She is a balcony person and she will help others to see the lemonade in the lemon, even though she can sometimes see the lemon herself, when she's with me. That's what I prize and, in the long run, it's what other people prize too.

Beauty is what beauty does imo. In terms of brains, she's a very academic girl, but she doesn't swan around with an 'I'm better than you' attitude. She knows that other people have difficulties with academic stuff, but they're better than her at dance, or art, or gym, or something else. Teaching children to see the best in everyone and not to overvalue their own merits is way more important, imo, than teaching our kids to value being a size zero or a Katie Price lookalike. No contest. Brains over beauty every time.

MrsDeVere · 24/11/2012 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DialsMavis · 24/11/2012 20:21

I would choose beauty, life looks easy and lovely for the beautiful....

Lavenderhoney · 24/11/2012 20:23

I was out in a very smart bar with my exbf, and we were waiting for our drinks. The man next to us said to me " is that your bf, how did he manage that - directly at bf- you red haired, four eyed, short arse tosser"
Bf collapsed in horrified giggles, I glared and the barman refused to take any money for drinks. Even my hairdresser commented on our being incompatible ( I am not Helen of Troy btw)

And once an ex friend of mine ( note the ex) commented unfavourably on my then bf ( now dh) looks and then on discovering what he did for a living, airily said perhaps she should meet him as he might prefer her!!!

3monkeys3 · 24/11/2012 20:24

I have to say, as a teenager, being pretty was not a good thing. I wish I had bloomed later. I remember trying to talk to one bloke about what he was reading and he actually said to me 'I don't want to talk to you, I just want to fuck you'. Nice. So, looking back, I did want to be appreciated for my brains.

charlmarascoxo · 24/11/2012 20:25

Hmm its interesting, I feel myself leaning slightly more towards brains now...

Its also interesting that as soon as I said I'd prefer beauty I got a snide remark from TessCowDirect of how that means I must think of myself as beautiful. When in fact I never said I was beautiful ever, which shows that girls gets jealous very easily and perhaps you wouldn't have as many friends if you were beautiful.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 24/11/2012 20:26

My best mate and I once had a conversation along the lines of 'oh my god! Imagine how awful it must be to be stupid!'. All philosophical, like.

I truly can't think of anything worse. The stupid people I know simply cannot be on their own, ever, as they have no inner life, no resources, and they think reading is boring.

That sounds very horrible and insulting but it's just what I've seen. My dear, dear gran is completely uninterested in the world beyond her four walls, and doesn't enjoy reading. That's fine when you have a family to raise, a house to run and money needing earned. But in retirement, with family all moved away and friends slipping their perch... it's a struggle.

ErikNorseman · 24/11/2012 20:30

Brains of course! Beauty is superficial, it doesn't impact on anything that matters
So men might fall over themselves to take you out - all that brings you are lots of dates, not lasting love with a decent fellow.
People will look twice at you in the street - and?
You might occasionally get preferential treatment at work - well I too have got every job I have ever applied for since the age of 20 and I'm not beautiful. I am confident and presentable with a good interview manner - I think that counts far more. Beauty might give you the edge but only if you have the goods to back it up.

BinksToEnlightenment · 24/11/2012 20:30

I'm not saying this to be a dick, but I have experienced both.

I'd ditch the brains. Being clever doesn't make you happy. In fact, it's the opposite. I used to have agonising philosophical debates in my head about the nature of existence at the age of eight. If I spoke to my friends about it, they looked at me like I was insane. I couldn't relate to anyone.

Being beautiful brings instant acceptance. Brains make you doubt and question everything.

Fuck brains.

Arisbottle · 24/11/2012 20:30

I am vaguely attractive but very clever.

By being clever I have always been able to earn a good salary which means I can afford good clothes, haircut and makeup which means I turn heads.

Brains can buy you the earning power to buy , maybe not beauty, but certainly attractiveness .

Arisbottle · 24/11/2012 20:33

Binks I think there is something in what you say, I am lucky to have never suffered real depression but I do have a slightly melancholy nature at time because I turn things over and over in my head. Many of the very clever people I know are also similar

A level of emotional intelligence is important so that you are aware of this tendency and can form positive relationships to combat it.

ErikNorseman · 24/11/2012 20:37

In fact I'm perfectly happy with my current level of intelligence which is good enough to manage a masters degree but nothing special. I'd like to be a little bit more beautiful, but I wouldn't be fussed about being a supermodel. I think I'm ok actually!

gomummygone · 24/11/2012 20:39

Brains every single time.

But I disagree that beauty necessarily makes life easier. It may for superficial things. I think, however, that it can also make some fairly important things more difficult. Sadly, things like initially being taken seriously in your profession, or figuring out whether that potential partner wants you for the right reason, can be clouded by beauty, imo.

wtf1981 · 24/11/2012 20:40

Wonder if anyone reading this wholeheartedly believes they have both. . .

B1ueberries · 24/11/2012 20:43

Well it 's not one or the other, so I'd say that if I had to choose between being a bit more intelligent or a bit better looking, at this stage in my life I'd choose beauty because it would be more useful to me. All other things being equal being attractive is always an advantage.

BinksToEnlightenment · 24/11/2012 20:43

That's exactly it Arisbottle. I would love to not be intelligent enough to ever be in emotional turmoil. I've never been done a disservice by the way I look, but my thoughts have frequently driven me mad.

hermioneweasley · 24/11/2012 20:44

I am gorgeous, brilliant, have a great rack and I cook too.

hermioneweasley · 24/11/2012 20:44

Actually only two of those are true.

hermioneweasley · 24/11/2012 20:44

Ah, but which two, eh?

Mollydoggerson · 24/11/2012 20:45

I think about 70% of beauty is grooming, weight management, poise and demeanour. Beauty can be worked on with big rewards if you are diligent enough (I am not).

Brains cannot be created but beauty can.

I'ld go with brains. (-;

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