to wonder what the fuck i am supposed to do

[orangeflute]

Oh just rang me from work to say he has to work next weekend, which would be fine IF we weren't moving house. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do.AIBU?

cmoore.com/funstuff/humor/mp.script.weweresopoor.php

Hopefully that will work!

He's still not home. I asked him to please be home on time as I feel Shit. I got a telephone message to say he would be late and he was sorry. I rang and questioned him and he broke down sobbing on the phone Wtf.

I don't want your apology you loon. It's quite clear from the ops post her husband is deliberately avoiding dealing with this situation, how that is shit stirring I really cannot see.

Sounds like he is under pressure too

Yes prop it does, its been like this for the last four years. Him unable to meet responsibilities at home because if he doesn't work lots of extra hours for free he will get the sack.

If he's breaking down and crying on the 'phone, things are not right orangeflute. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.

I simply do not think it is possible for you to move all by yourself. (And I am a single parent used to doing things by myself, so my expectations of women with children are high!) So I think you've got two choices:

• Give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that his employer is leaning on him hard. Accept they are being unreasonable. Tell him to mention your D&V bug casually at work tomorrow, and 'phone in sick on Friday because he has caught it. He can go back to work on Sunday/Monday. It's not something I'd usually advocate, but in the circumstances desperate tactics are called for.

• Change your move date.

Oh, there's something very wrong, Orange. You need to sit and talk to him when he gets home. Retail is crap for employees, they seem to want too much from their staff.

flow4, like it... not normally an advocate of pulling sickies but if the employers are regularly treating staff like this then they deserve to reap what they sow!

No, nor am I Imperial - I've never pulled a sickie in my whole life - but really, this is impossible for the OP without her DH!

Ok, it's not ideal but can be done

A) get dh to pack everything up before next weekend
B) you have a van and man booked, between you, van man, 12 year old and maybe 7 year old you have like 3 1/2 people ( younger two can take light items. Assuming asd 10 year old needs supervising so..
C) get in a temp nanny for the day for 10 year old, toddler and baby. Will cost about £150 for 7am-7pm. They can either go off somewhere or you need to set up some books/ basic food/ toys in one room of new house and let them get on with it
D) just move everything out of house and into new and then dh can help once home.
E) label each box with which room it needs to go in so it is in the right room to start with
F) dump everything at charity shop or dump that you don't want. No point packing what you don't need

Oh dear Orange I hope your Dh is OK I've never had my Dh break down by phone, he usually waits till I'm run off my feet and can't stop and talk.
Fingers crossed the move goes smoothly.

Short term, I'm glad you've sorted some help from your ex. If for any reason this doesn't work out, if you're in the Sheffield area I can recommend a brilliant reasonably priced removals firm. I moved with no-one to help (single parent) and they were fab.

Longer term, if your H is so stressed, he needs to look for another job. Four years is too long to feel like that at/about work. Maybe he needs to see a GP about the stress he's under? It's no excuse though - he's letting you down.

Jesus. You cant do this non your own. I move on my own, but I only have one child, and even then it nearly kills me every time! Your OH may be upset and stressed, but HE HAS GOT EMPLOYMENT RIGHTS. He needs to put his foot down and say that he has booked this time off, and he must have this day off. End of. They CANT sack him for this-no court in the land would uphold the companies decision to fire him.
And you MUST have movers. 5 Kids!! Including one baby and a toddler. It's not on.
In the meantime, any MNetters in South Yorkshire who can go and help OP-volunteer!
My heart goes out to you, you poor thing.

is there any way possible for you to go above his head at work and ring them to explain and ask for him??

I wonder if he is too scared to ask for time off/

Large retail companies can be complete bastards to their employees, it's true - and he may have been told that he HAS to do what they say or face the sack because there are plenty of other people out there who would want his job, so it's not surprising he's under a lot of pressure.

But he HAS to organise something. I'm assuming that you're going to another rented accommodation as you've been able to change your moving date once already; but you can't keep doing that of course. And you need to get in and get sorted before Christmas.

I really hope that you and your DH can sit down and thrash out a solution, even if it means having to run up the credit card more than you'd like - you NEED to get outside help in, if he can't take the time off.

His employers are shits, btw.

I really don't think the OP should contact her DH's work, that's not going to do him any good with his manager who, from the sound of it may already be very unreasonable.

I wonder if the DH is telling the whole truth, whilst I've never heard of an employer who gives days off for moving house it sounds odd that two pre booked days off would have been cancelled when presumably the DH would have at least mentioned that he was moving house.

OP - regardless of the logistics of how you move house I think you need to have a serious talk with your DH to find out what exactly is going on at his work.

I'd merrily tell him to sort it the fuck out or his credit card will be used not only to book removal men but to book men to do the packing also and for the bunches of flowers I would need to cheer me up and a hotel for the weekend for me and the kids to sty in whilst the move is being taken care of and probably for the next week while he unpacks and sorts everything out.

He, I guarantee you, would make sure he was fucking well available!

It's all very well suggesting using a credit card but paying for movers and packers is very expensive.

I don't think the ideal solution is to possibly get into debt and an even worse situation on top of what seems to be extreme work stress if the DH is already crying at work.

OP - can you tell us exactly what packing needs to be done, how much free time your DH has this week and maybe someone can come up with some practical suggestions.

All i can say op is that having a strong understanding of their hr policies, they will not be able to sack him although some bugger will no doubt threaten it. Even if he goes awol for the day the worst they can do is discipline and give a verbal (as long as nothing had gone on file previously) although the instore management teams can quite frankly be shit the policies are pretty good and will be enforced by regional personnel managers where necessary. All the threats are uncomfortable hot air. I feel for your oh but in this instance he'll just have to take what's coming from work and help you. In three months it'll all be forgotten and someone else will be getting the shit.

Just a quick update as I have been sleeping. Thanks for all your help and suggestions you are truly amazing and have been so supportive. I am taking my Dexh up on his offer and oh is going to go to work. I gave him the little ones when he got in and took myself to bed. I have just been down to get the baby and am bf as I type he has said nothing to me. After the move I am going to sit down with OH and suggest we have a break in order for us to assess our relationship.

Good to hear that you've found a way round the problem.

Do you mean that you are going to suggest splitting up after the move? If so is moving really such a good idea - don't know all the back story but would being on your own by financially possible in your new place?

Glad you got a rest OP.
It's weird, and maybe paranoid, but the whole time I was doing chores etc after I read this thread I was thinking that the situation you describe sounds like an attempt to abdicate responsibility completely: Maybe not because of work, but because of OH wanting to remove himself?

The thing about men (yes I am generalising-sue me) is that when they want out, they often do it in quite extreme and odd ways. Like when you hear of men nipping out for a paper never to be seen again, or jumping out of windows with their kids. They don't talk, they just crack up.

I think a frank and honest talk is definitely on the cards. Something is very not right, imo.