To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

[FrenchRuby]

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

Here's a question, at what point do you count someone as different enough to have invited abuse?

Say I had natural coloured hair, no makeup, and something simple like a t-shirt, jeans and trainers.

If I walk through an area where the majority of people are in traditional asian dress, would I have invited abuse for not also wearing asian dress?

If I walk through an area mostly full of people in office dress, would that be inviting abuse if I wasn't in a suit?

What about walking past people in sportswear?

People in twinsets and pearls?

In all of those situations I'd be standing out from the norm, should I expect abuse? Or should I carry a suitcase of clothes so I can always fit in with the majority no matter where I am?

Yeah, murder, I agree 100%.

No-one has to accept being verbally abused in the street for any fucking reason.

I really can't believe anyone thinks they should 'take the knocks' like it's par for the course

So if you're...

Fat
Skinny
Ginger
Blue haired
Facially pierced
Tattooed
Wear garish clothes

Being randomly abused by passing strangers should be accepted because you're not will to 'do something' about your appearance to conform to the ideals of the random abusive wankers?

Oh I must wake my kids up and tell them this wonderful snippet of how to get by in life....

I'm not saying everyone shoul accept me, I'd just like to not have abuse shouted at me in the street.

*willing

I'm not saying everyone shoul accept me, I'd just like to not have abuse shouted at me in the street

YABU, you need to conform and be exactly the same as the majority of people around you

Depending on the area you live in that might involve wearing a tracksuit and baseball cap, a Burka, a business suit, a Sari or a complete designer outfit.

If you don't, you deserve the abuse shouted at you by randoms....you independent thinking woman you!

Some of these posts are very close to home for me. So Sophie Lancaster brought it on herself did she by daring to look different?
What happened to if you can't say anything nice stfu?

If you read my earlier posts I have said that the abuse aspect was disgusting and no it should never happen. Unfortunately it does. It happens when you are very different to the norm. I for one would actually tone it down once i had kids, purely for their sake.

clipped do you honestly go through life just accepting abuse and discrimination? It's not your fault, no matter how you're dressed, or what colour your hair is, or how fat you are or what colour your skin is. DO NOT accept it. DO get cross about. Please don't tell your children that they bring abuse on themselves by not fitting in with the majority.

I would rather (and do) teach my kids that it's not ok to treat people like that, it's ok to look different and it's not ok to be rude.

I know. I'm different to the norm and I've had abuse shouted at me. But short of having a breast reduction and laser eye surgery and permanent hair colour there's not much I can do about it
I don't accept it, it's verbal abuse and there's a whole website about it (if I could remember what it was called...)

I would rather (and do) teach my kids that it's not ok to treat people like that, it's ok to look different and it's not ok to be rude.

Absolutely agree

I teach my kids just that. I also teach them that it's ok to have personal opinions and preferences but that it's not OK to voice them unsolicited and definitely not OK to shout them out of car windows.

Well OK I haven't mentioned car windows but you know what I mean

Oh for god sake stop getting out of your prams about this.

How many times do I have to repeat myself here.

I don't see "fitting in" and conforming as a problem like some.

I don't scream and write banners and take to the street.

It's called moderation, it's called toning down a bit, it's called blending in.

If you make "statements" then expect the expected.

I try not to say this (what with all me mutations & all).

BUT.

What Worra said.

'How many times do I have to repeat myself here.'

The more times you repeat the same nonsense, the more concerned I become about your mental state.

'It's called moderation, it's called toning down a bit, it's called blending in.

If you make "statements" then expect the expected'

This is completely nuts.

Brighthair what happened to Sophie Lancaster was so awful :(

Well clearly clipped you need to work harder at fitting in as your not doing a good job of it on this thread I think you might have to conform to the ways the rest of us are thinking. You know because what most believe must be true and right, therefore I conclude you are wrong

It's called being "fluid"

No one has to scream about stuff, we just have to have the courage of our convictions then people accept.

I wasn't banging on about the abuse side of things that most of you are, I actually thought for a minute that it could be set aside.

I don't make a statement. I have red hair and that's natural rather than dyed. I've spent my life wanting to blend in only to realise its people who want me to blend in that have the issues
Anyone should have the right to walk on the street without having abuse shouted at them regardless of what they look like.
So basically everyone should dress modestly, have natural coloured hair and makeup, be of average height and no disabilities. Then they would blend in?

"ClippedPhoenix" people need to get out of their prams about this. Social attitudes change over time, but not by magic!

It shouldn't be unacceptable to shout abuse at someone because they look a bit different. We've come on in leaps and bounds wrt to open racial and gender abuse in the streets - what was acceptable has changed enormously in living memory. I refuse to just roll over and give up and let the arseholes win!

Your argument is illogical anyway. If everyone "toned it down" then there would still be a edge of what's "normal", it would just be more conservative than before. (It might be you even!) The only way you can not have an edge to society's norms is if we all become identikit copies of each other! Someone is bound to be on the edge, no matter how conservative people try to be. So what do we do? Become carbon copies of each other, or challenge the arseholes? Hmmm, let me see ...

Yes we all become one and blend in then there would be no arguements at all everyone would be the same

Happy birthday for Monday, Sophie.

I'm very proud of my personal & professional involvement in the charity set up in your name.

I'm ashamed that it's still OK for someone to say ' if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it. Pointless to whine. ' or 'i suggest that you either conform or stop whining.
'

We have a bloody long way to go, obviously...

Victim blaming attitudes, rather then protecting people from abuse, create a climate where abuse is more likely to happen. if you really think that shouting abuse at a stranger is acceptable, what other forms of abuse will follow.

So we do have to challenge it, in order to change things for the better.

Upthread, I mentioned about wanting blue hair, but most people don't see my hair, because I wear hijab and sadly, I've had verbal abuse about that too. It's the same sort of mentality.

Raven - that's such a heartbreaking film. I'm glad to hear the Sophie Lancaster Foundation are still going. They are very much needed.

here we go about victims again, change the sodding record.

the way i see it is some twat said something far more out of order than the norm. Yes hes a massive bigot. I have a problem with people that choose to do the non conformist thing and wonder why they sort of court that thing. Be strong and proud if you choose to dress differently. Strength is not in shouting about it, strength is quietly getting in there and changing stuff so no one feels un-nerved, it's not about making bold statements.