To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

[FrenchRuby]

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

[FrenchRuby]

Worra that's exactly what I mean.

[MrsMushroom]

I am saying it is wrong to shout abuse but that if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it. Pointless to whine.

[MurderOfGoths]

My hair isn't about a desire to be different, it's about liking the colour. Why does "growing as a person" involve looking like everyone else?

[MrsMushroom]

Cleans nope. Not biting. I won't get drawn into that convo as it has nothing to do with this one. No matter how hard you try to compare the two...

[BuddyTheChristmasElf]

but if she did dye it brown, and take out the piercings, and the same twats drove past in the same mood they'd probably find something else nasty to shout.. cause she isn't the reason they are driving around doing it!

[WorraLiberty]

MrsMushroom 'toughen up and don't moan' about being abused from a random loud mouth out of a car window?

Really?

[MurderOfGoths]

"I am saying it is wrong to shout abuse but that if you walk about in a way which calls attention...then toughen up, don't moan....find ways of dealing with it"

Fucking hell. Toughen up?

You know, when people are shouting abuse I will damn well "whine". Want to know why? Because if we sit quietly and don't say a word, then nothing will change. If we make a fuss and let people know that we are not responsible for the nasty actions of others then we stand a chance of changing things. We are "dealing with it". Our way of dealing with it is the most constructive way.

[WorraLiberty]

Oh and can I just say I'm 43yrs old and when I was in Junior school every second dinner lady/OAP had a blue rinse

I don't remember ever witnessing any old ladies being abused for their hair colour by random loud mouths.

[CleansLate]

Sure Mushroom and "they will see you as a victim and go for you" is totally not at all the sort of thing that people say to women who have been assaulted while drunk/in short skirts.

Whatever, but ffs don't be such a hypocrite as to call me a twat but insist that I am not allowed to respond to you because I don't know you, you don't know me either.

[MurderOfGoths]

What would your way of dealing with it be?

[tryingsoonflying]

Agreed that the world is what it is, but don't agree with sucking it up because of that. If we all conform to what's expected because of fear of twats then we'd all still be in ankle scraping skirts and stays. I'm not a brave person or a boundary pusher myself but I admire those who are and I do think we wouldn't be where we are as women without the boundary pushers over the last 100 years.

[perplexedpirate]

I think 'suck it up or conform' might just be the most depressing sentence in the English language.

OP YANBU, these people are knobs, clearly.

[lisad123]

Mrsmushroom do you give this message to your children too?
Everyone has the right to dress how they like (unless its naked of course), and have whatever hair colour they like. It's a free world and one people should be able to wear clothes without risk or worry of abuse.

[MurderOfGoths]

Quite trying

It wasn't all that long ago homosexuals were told that being open about their sexuality was "inviting" trouble, and that they should either hide it away or "deal with" the consequences. That was just the way of the world, no point whining huh?

Btw, before you point out that homosexuality isn't a choice like dying your hair is, I know. My point was about whether they should choose to be open about it.

[ClippedPhoenix]

well don't suck it up then but dont expect cordiallity everywhere. If you stand out then you're open to it.

Just sayin like.

[MurderOfGoths]

"well don't suck it up then but dont expect cordiallity everywhere."

Who cares about cordiality, I just want to be free to go about my life without abuse. Is that really too much to ask?

[GothAnneGeddes]

Yy to the alternative scene being friendly. IME, Rock clubs and pubs were nicer, less arsey places. Also, somewhere where a woman could be on the larger side and still deemed attractive

I would love to have blue hair op! Definitely don't tone it down.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

This thread is depressing.

OP YANBU

Mushroom, Cleans is right. You just blamed the victim for her abuse. Blue hair = abuse, short skirt=rape. It's exactly the same victim blaming crap. I don't need to know you to see that.

[tryingsoonflying]

You're open to shit whatever you look like - speaking as a conventional, quiet looking person who has taken random shit from strangers for the most peculiar things, like having someone scream "you fing c" repeatedly because I was driving a borrowed quite posh bmw (above my touch normally ) - assumptions are made whatever you look like and trying to conform to avoid abuse is not the route. I'm mousy and conventional because that's how I feel comfortable but I'm not conventional in my thinking and I respect anyone's desire to look however they like.

[ClippedPhoenix]

No murder it isnt of course but you do know that society isn't like that though and like i said you have to take the knocks if you want to be different, surely that's what it's all about?

Brushing it off and rising above it rather than crying i should be allowed to be different surely is the way to go?

[MurderOfGoths]

"Brushing it off and rising above it rather than crying i should be allowed to be different surely is the way to go?"

I'd say challenging it is the way to go

[soontobeburns]

YANBU I'm a youth worker and yes I'm only 23 but 95% of my youth worker peers have tattoos, piercings or died hair. Myself I have died hair (though brown) nose and tongue piercings and 3 tattoos.

Tbh it's the norm now to be 'different' andit ddoesn't mean you can be verbally assaulted for it.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

'you have to take the knocks if you want to be different'

Why? Why do you have to accept 'the knocks' aka being verbally abused in the street?

[ClippedPhoenix]

I'd say there are areas of society that it's the norm but if you were going for a job in the city then you aint got no hope so i suggest that you either conform or stop whining.

I'm different so everyone should accept me? ummm no.

Challenging it is good and that's why you dress the way you do, just don't expect an easy ride and don't get cross about it either.

[tryingsoonflying]

Agreed Leeds - do we also have to take the knocks just because we're women, or just because we're a certain colour etc etc.... No. Verbal abuse is never acceptable and choosing how you want to look (or just being "different" to others' expectations) will never be a valid reason for abuse, and even if it does happen, we have to resist till it doesn't happen anymore.