To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

[FrenchRuby]

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

[FrenchRuby]

Accidentally pressed post

Odd dirty look, but I very much like my hair and piercings and I don't see why I should be ok with people shouting at me in the street because of them. I won't take them out because they are me, I've had them since I was 15. But I shouldn't have to take them out, people should not think
It's ok to tell at someone because they have different tastes to them. I don't shout at people who wear ugg boots or onsies (actually saw a guy wearing a onsie in town the other day?!), I think they look weird but I would shout abuse at them.

[FrenchRuby]

*yell at

[FrenchRuby]

*wouldn't shout at them, it's too early.

[EmmaBemma]

Funny, I was recently thinking of dying my hair electric blue and the only reason I didn't - literally the only reason - was that I would stand out so much. I just wanted to have blue hair because I love blue hair, and for it to be no big thing! But (especially where I live) unfortunately it would be the sort of thing people feel they have to comment on, and I'd get lots of stares and double-takes, and the thought of all that made me feel so exhausted that I never bothered in the end.

[FivesAndNorks]

No people should not "conform", that allows the bullies, bigots and BNP to believe they have a point. What a stupid thing to suggest.
ClippedPhoenix, if a child of yours was being bullied because they looked slightly different, would you tell them they needed to conform?

[VisualiseAHorse]

Know how you feel. I had bright pink hair (with tattoos and peircings) for years when I was younger. I was got shouted "UGH look at that lesbian!!".

I no longer have pink hair, but still have the tats and piercings.

[Punkatheart]

I was a punk when younger and it attracted all sorts of abuse and sexual comments from men. But I liked bondage trousers etc - just not the threatening and abusive language.

I love all these colours. Life is partly about fun and expression. Enjoy!

[maddening]

Yanbu at all - these people are twats and sadly would do the same for someone who was overweight, disabled etc they are bullies - it shows they are scared of your individuality and differences and that you aren't too scared to be yourself.

I've always been in circles of people who have coloured hair, dreads, tattoos etc but never had the confidence to do myself - so if I am looking at you I am usually wishing I'd look good dressed like that :)

[TheNebulousBoojum]

I have never understood the lack of tolerance for difference when the individual is harming no one. What harm is the OP doing, Clipped Phoenix? Why should she have to toughen up for choosing her hair colour and her personal ornamentation?
What harm is she doing?
Apologies to those I've bored with this before, but my DS is an alternative personality and although he can now pass for normal, for years he couldn't. His way of dealing with abuse was to flatten the individual who was abusing him.
Regardless of age or gender.
Ok with you, Phoenix? Robust enough?

'but i know round the corner is a bastard that will kick your head in. Is it worth it? subtle change is far more damage limited, it may take longer but fatalities are going to be less.'

Nope, he effected change in his peers and the wider society very swiftly. I had to train him not to, because of the potential fatality issue.
Any bastard that tried to kick his head in was on a losing wicket there.
It's one of the reasons I adore living near Brighton, the tolerance and acceptance of individuals and their right to be so.

[MardyArsedMidlander]

'You have a choice and if you choose to be different then you will get more attention from wankers. '

But then this level of intolerance spreads to people who don't have a 'choice'. So women or gays or black people or the disabled or ginger haired get yelled at and abused- because obviously there is only one way to be and one way to look and anything else means you are bringing it on yourself. Oh, and are immature.
What a fking depressing way to live

[GhostShip]

So we should all conform to a 'norm' just so we don't get attention from wankers? Hows about we should be able to dress how we like without said wankers chipping in?

I agree with mardyarsed. It's depressing.

[GhostShip]

Oh and I think the comment about getting your head kicked in was in really poor taste. Sophie Lancaster anyone? It's a fucking disgrace.

So glad that I can walk down the street with my head held high. It's a shame that I had to learn how to fight to defend myself from getting my 'head kicked in' just for being different.

[freddiefrog]

YANBU!

I have bright pillarbox red hair. I also have lots of tattoos (but no peircings) and no one has ever said anything negative about either.

It's no one else's business and I'm not harming anyone

[LessMissAbs]

YANBU so many people look awful, picking on someone with nice blue hair (and it is a nice colour) is ridiculous. My mother used to say retort with "Have you ever seen what you look like yourself? No? Well, look in a mirror then" which while resorting to their own low standards is mostly what this type of twat understands!

[LessMissAbs]

Oh, and having read those silly comments that you should try and blend in to conform - I have long blonde hair which isn't exactly radical, and the amount of abuse I get for it is unbelievable.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

There are a lot of styles I think are ridiculous: high heels, orange skin and big boob jobs, people wearing clothing way too small for them, those arse-baggy trousers, shell suits...I could go on for hours.
But I don't, because although I might think someone looks daft with 5" spikes, a miniskirt and no eyebrows on an orange face, that is their choice and does me no harm. So why would I say anything?

[lljkk]

I'm as boring looking as they get and even I get the occasional bit of verbal abuse. YANBU.

[5madthings]

yanbu at all op and some of the comments on here are depressing.

its abusive and it encourages an atmosphere/culture where bullying is ok, this idea that we should try to fit in and uf we dont its our own fault if we are pucked on because of it.


so when.the trend among children is some expensive brand of clothes and ine child doesnt have them and they are then picked on is that their own fault as well clipped?

or my ds3 who likes pink and purple and fairies, if he was picked on for that it would be his own fault vecause he should like football and ben ten etc?!!

victim blaming culture is rife and engrained it seems :(

[MurderOfGoths]

So clipped if someone said they wore a certain item as their religion required it and were getting abuse for it, would you tell them to "toughen up" or conform?

Or if a natural red head said they were getting abuse for their hair colour, it's their choice not to dye their hair so they should "toughen up"?

What about someone who is overweight? Lose weight or "toughen up"?

Someone with extremely pale skin? Fake tan or "toughen up"?

Wears glasses? Change to contacts or "toughen up"?

Just because there are people who think they are entitled to yell abuse doesn't mean that the rest of us should do what they want. Being quiet and "taking the knocks" just allows them to carry on. Changing so as not to upset them makes them think they are right.

Saying "you've invited it" is victim blaming, whether you like it or not.

It is equivalent to saying that wearing a short skirt invites rape.

It is equivalent to saying being openly gay invites attacks.

It is equivalent to saying being black in a predominantly white area invites attack.

After all, all the above know that there are idiots who think they have the right to abuse those they see as different. Obviously the girl in the short skirt, the openly gay person, and the black person should all take responsibility for the abuse they get. They choose to put themselves in danger right?

[roughtyping]

I hate the line 'You're doing it for attention' grr.

I had pink hair for a few years, my mum hated it. I'm naturally blonde and she would go on and on about how people pay so much money to have blonde hair, and there I was, ruining it. It drove me crazy - she just couldn't see that I WASN'T OTHER PEOPLE. I loved my pink hair - it was so bright and lovely. Lots of different shades. I dyed it because I liked the way it looked, not because I wanted people to stare at me.

YANBU, what absolute idiots for shouting at you.

[Plomino]

Well done murderofgoths . You said exactly what I wanted to say .

I used to have deep deep purple hair . Down to my bum. Wore black (and purple!) Went to Goth clubs . And didn't feel the need to pass judgement on anyone else whilst I was doing it . Why should I be abused ?

How did looking different suddenly make it ok to be a target of abuse ? And at what point , is different , different? Should those who wish to be different all live together so as all to conform and not invite abuse ?Like in ghettos maybe ? And frankly Clippedphoenix , if you don't read the papers , or watch the news, then maybe you should .

[jessiegeesusinamanger]

YANBU. I have no idea why people feel they can/should comment on the appearance of total strangers. It seems that some people are threatened by anything even very slightly different and their discomfort seems to compel them to express their opinion. It's hard if you are quite sensitive not to take it personally though.

I don't look/sound English and have had loads of mad comments by random strangers over the years. I've been told to go home/ go back to where I come from. It is v ignorant and infantile. Actually that insults infants because I've never had a mean comment from a child. If you like blue hair and piercings then be proud of your look and ignore the idiots who have an issue with it.

[aufaniae]

Chipping do you wear trousers?

I imagine many thousands of women had to put up with open abuse from randoms for wearing trousers before it became acceptable.

Should they have conformed and stuck to skirts?

[MurderOfGoths]

In the 20's women were arrested for wearing swimming costumes. They should have conformed or kept quiet obviously Now that's the way to change attitudes, obviously

[FivesAndNorks]

ChippingIn isn't on this thread