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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or would be I BU to buy dd1 a kindle fire to ease my guilt?

65 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:06

I have to go away for her 9th birthday. It's non negotiable. I can't be there. I will be home the day after.

Her 'big' present was supposed to a weekend away. We are still doing that, it was the weekend after her birthday.

I've also arranged for her to have a tea party at her Grans on her birthday. She was not meant to have a party owing to the cost of the trip away being far more than we would ordinarily spend on her birthday present.

We have told her she can chose a small gift. She asked for a Kindle Fire Hmm

She is getting a lot spent on her Christmas present too (A 3DS XL)

WIBU to buy the Kindle Fire anyway, even though she was not supposed to get a 'big' birthday present because I feel awful about leaving her. She is not expecting it, she knows she can't have one, so it would be a nice surprise for her on her birthday. She does love reading and has wanted a Kindle for years. Ever since they came out.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 23/11/2012 10:07

Get it :-)

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:08

yes you would of course you would be dont give in but I have a feeling you will Grin because of the guilt but it can't be helped, If you havn' t bought the DS i would get a kindle but not both

Jins · 23/11/2012 10:08

Does she want it because it's a tablet or as a book reader?

I'd go for the standard kindle over the fire for reading every time

EasilyBored · 23/11/2012 10:09

If she just wants it for reading, I would get her a normal old style kindle. The kindle fire is essentially a tablet, rather than an e reader.

I don't think I would get it now, but maybesave the idea for a surprise middle of the year present?

WhispersOfWickedness · 23/11/2012 10:10

Well, don't get it because you feel guilty about going away, get it because you want her to have something lovely, that she really wants Smile
They're on amazon now for £99 btw Wink

CwtchesAndCuddles · 23/11/2012 10:10

Don't buy it - you can't afford it. She is already getting lots for her birthday and at 9 is old enough to understand that you can't have everything.

A Kindle fire is NOT a small gift.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:11

She wants it for Angry Birds, Love Film and reading. We bought the 3DS ages ago. We could send it back, but she wants that more than the Kindle. She wants them both Hmm

OP posts:
BattlingFanjos · 23/11/2012 10:15

If you want to get her it, can afford it and know she will appreciate it, do it!! Why the bloody hell not?! I would feel the same way if I missed DS' birthday and would probably do the same in your position!

I agree with the other posters about the old style kindle instead though, at 9 she might be a bit young for the fire but either way I don't think you're in the wrong for getting it!

BattlingFanjos · 23/11/2012 10:18

X-post about the kindle.

Do it!! As long as you are a balanced parent, at 9 she will understand she is getting that bit more because you are missing her birthday and it's special circumstances. Don't miss anymore though, it'll cost you an arm and a leg!! Lol

Jins · 23/11/2012 10:18

I think I need to know more about the weekend away :)

Is it something that you wouldn't do unless she wanted to go? Who is going?

FeckOffCup · 23/11/2012 10:19

It does seem a lot for a 9 year old's birthday if she is getting a weekend away too, it's up to you at the end of the day but it isn't really a small gift so I think she is being a bit of a chancer asking for it. Do you have other DCs, did you spend an equivalent amount on their birthdays?

SoupDragon · 23/11/2012 10:19

I wouldn't - you asked her to choose a small present, she chose an expensive one.

diddl · 23/11/2012 10:21

Kindle fire=small gift hahahahahahahahahaha!

So you´re spending more that usual for her gift, plus a small party=enough already!

I wouldn´t even consider it.

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:22

you know you are allowing a 9 yr old hold you hostage over a weekend away a small gift is a book or a game or something out of claires a Kindle isnt a small present tell her a kindle isnt a small gift and leave it at that, It is ok for you to go away you can have her birthday before you go,

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:24

It's for the festival of angels at York (lots of ice sculptures and christmassy things)

We told her about it because it was originally planned for her actual birthday but they changed the date so we moved the date of the trip to match.

She said she wanted to go and we made it clear it was instead of a present and party, not as well as a present and party. She insisted she wanted to go.

Myself, Dh and Dd2 are going with her. My sister and her children are coming up for the day, but won't be staying overnight. We are there for two nights and three days. She's also going to the Yorvic Center because she's wanted to go there since learning about Vikings at school last year.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:26

.... and now wants a kindle fire nah she has loads imo

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:29

We have dd2, she got a bike for her birthday this year and is getting a laptop (an older ex display model) for Christmas this year, so is getting the same as dd1 spent on her although her birthday gift was not as expensive, she is also benefiting from the trip to York.

Just to rub salt into dd1's wounds I am taking both of her dogs with me when I go away and I am going to train Meerkats, her favorite animal. She had originally asked to go and feed the meerkats at a local wildlife place for her birthday instead of York but you have to be 10.

I told her about the meerkats before I found out it was going to be over her birthday.

OP posts:
Whatdoiknowanyway · 23/11/2012 10:30

Far too much. Lots of children have parents who travel, it's normal. She's already getting plenty.

Jins · 23/11/2012 10:31

I'm not sure. The weekend away seems like it's using her birthday for a family treat. At 9 I'd have wanted something for myself Grin

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:32

you are going to train meerkats to do what Grin

sorry got a bit distracted then you know you are going to buy the kindle as you keep explaining why she wants the Kindle ,

ShellyBoobs · 23/11/2012 10:34

Don't buy it - you can't afford it.

Confused
quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:36

I just think it's a bit of a no-brainer......she's getting something lovely already. Can't you buy her a pile of books she really wants- that would be a smallish present (although a small present would be just one book). You have no reason to be guilty. Plus getting her a Kindle would ease your guilt, it's nothing to do with her really- I mean this in the nicest possible way, it would be for you really.

You're just postponing her birthday. Everyone has to do things they might not like on birthdays- put up with parents working, my dad made me go to church even though I didn't like it, my mum made me dress up in outfits I hated, you have to honour committments you didn't realise took place on that day......not everything has to be perfect all the time. What she's getting is pretty near to perfect.

York is gorgeous (my home town!), enjoy it. If you really feel bad (and you have no reason to), treat her to something extra in York- let her pick out something in Shared Earth, or go to the American diner opposite the Petersgate Oxfam Books, go to Oxfam and the Fudge Kitchen for dessert....have a picnic she puts together outside the beautiful Holy Trinity Church.....etc.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:37

Whatever I want to train them to do, MrsJay. I just have to pick something to train to prove I can train an animal other than a dog, to pass that module.

I wonder if you could train a meerkat to talk or say "simples" Grin

Yes I really want to buy her it because I feel awful about leaving her, but she is very spoilt and has loads.

OP posts:
quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:38

I'm not sure. The weekend away seems like it's using her birthday for a family treat. At 9 I'd have wanted something for myself

Well, a party is for loads of other people than yourself too.....plus, she wants to go to York. What fun is it to go round places like that by yourself when you're 9 (unless you're a very introverted and dreamy 9 year old!).

Bluebell99 · 23/11/2012 10:39

The outing sounds like a family outing for all of you rather than a treat for her, so I would get her the kindle fire for her birthday. I am also intrigued about the training of meerkats. How did you get involved in that? Also ifs she likes meerkats, Longleat has an enclosure wher you can walk through the enclosure wher the meerkats are free range !