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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or would be I BU to buy dd1 a kindle fire to ease my guilt?

65 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:06

I have to go away for her 9th birthday. It's non negotiable. I can't be there. I will be home the day after.

Her 'big' present was supposed to a weekend away. We are still doing that, it was the weekend after her birthday.

I've also arranged for her to have a tea party at her Grans on her birthday. She was not meant to have a party owing to the cost of the trip away being far more than we would ordinarily spend on her birthday present.

We have told her she can chose a small gift. She asked for a Kindle Fire Hmm

She is getting a lot spent on her Christmas present too (A 3DS XL)

WIBU to buy the Kindle Fire anyway, even though she was not supposed to get a 'big' birthday present because I feel awful about leaving her. She is not expecting it, she knows she can't have one, so it would be a nice surprise for her on her birthday. She does love reading and has wanted a Kindle for years. Ever since they came out.

OP posts:
Jins · 23/11/2012 10:39

I'd buy it Dooin and here's how I'd justify it to myself

The York trip becomes a family pre-christmas treat and educational trip (Jorvik, Castle etc)

No party

Kindle as present [Grin]

ShellyBoobs · 23/11/2012 10:40

I agree with you on that, Whatdoiknowanyway.

My OH and I both travel a lot with work and out of our DD's last 5 birthdays I've been abroad for 3 of them.

IFartInYourGeneralDirection · 23/11/2012 10:40

Millions of parents have to work on their kids birthday, its really not a big deal unless you make it one- thats life.

If you want to buy her the kindle buy her the kindle it doesn't need justifying.

I really want to go train meerkats now. Wonder what you could get them to do

Floggingmolly · 23/11/2012 10:41

I would, but I'm a big softie.

quirrelquarrel · 23/11/2012 10:42

Also I think a Kindle for a 9 year old is absolutely bonkers anyway, but am well aware that most on MN don't feel this way at all.....just another of my 2 cents Smile

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:43

I wonder if you could train a meerkat to talk or say "simples"

that is amazing where are you going to train them train them to stand they do that anyway

Jins · 23/11/2012 10:44

quirrel I know the party is for other people too but the birthday child normally gets a present as well as a party. This is no party and family weekend trip instead of a present.

Fairenuff · 23/11/2012 10:44

She said she wanted to go and we made it clear it was instead of a present and party, not as well as a present and party

But now she is having a party as well, and you also want to buy her a gift?

That's a confusing message to give your child. Do you usually mean what you say or do you often change your mind like this.

I think the best gift you could give her would be some security. She needs to know that she can rely on you, that you mean what you say, so I think you should stick to the original plan.

Is there any other relative that could buy her the kindle (or vouchers/money towards it) for Christmas. Does she do any jobs for pocket money that she could save up? They may be cheaper after Christmas and she could get one then, or she could wait a couple of months until she has the money.

It's not good for children to give them what they want, when they want it. It doesn't teach them patience and perseverance. That's why so many adults get into credit card debt buying things that they want rather than need.

Buying it to ease your guilt would not be the right choice for what's actually best for your child.

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:45

Is there any other relative that could buy her the kindle (or vouchers/money towards it) for Christmas

I think this is a better idea could she get amazon vouchers or money to buy the kindle , and yes I do agree children need to know you mean what you say or they get confused and keep pushing boundries

diddl · 23/11/2012 10:46

I can´t believe how many are justifying it by-"the outing isn´t just for her"

Well no-BUT IT IS WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO.

Unless you all only take the bday child on the outing that they want to do?

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 10:51

The meerkats is for college. I'm doing a foundation degree in canine training but we have to prove we can train other animals because it shows we are able to problem solves which will help in the future if we are ever asked to train where the dog or owner has additional needs and traditional methods might not be possible.

It's the residential part of the course and if I don't go I can't pass that module which will make it very difficult to pass the course.

I might encourage her to sell her DS Lite and then buy her an amazon voucher for her present and she can get the kindle herself, but then they might not be £99 anymore and she might not be able to afford it.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 10:54

You say she is very spoilt, but does she behave spoilt? That would probably be the clincher for me.

DD is 'privileged' and my lovely, fellow only-child teacher used to describe it (I was on only too!). She doesn't really want for anything and doesn't have to share our time and attention, but she also doesn't behave like a spoiled brat and does hear the word 'no' often enough to keep her on the straight and narrow.

Does the KF have a video camera? You could get someone to film you training the meerkats on it before you give it to her Grin!

diddl · 23/11/2012 10:55

Well there´s always next year...

Mrsjay · 23/11/2012 10:55

she can get the kindle herself, but then they might not be £99 anymore and she might not be able to afford it.

thats ok though she can wait and save stop getting into a tizz about it I know you were really debating whether to do your course I read a thread but it is alright for you to go away and not feel guilty, will her grandparents contribute to her amazon vouchers, if you want to buy her it but you don't have to stuff and things don't make children truly happy ime, good luck I bet you will have the meerkat dancing by the end of your training , dont teach them to creep into peoples rooms at night that is just creepy ( i hate that adert)

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 11:01

She behaves spoilt sometimes like most children but not always. she does get told no, but not often enough I suppose.

OP posts:
Jins · 23/11/2012 11:06

Well dd2 is getting a bike and a laptop and a share of the trip to York. Did she have a party?

dd1 is getting a £DS XL, tea party, no birthday present and a share of the trip to York even though it's her birthday present

I think I'd be giving dd1 something to open on the day myself. Whether it's a kindle fire or not is really up to you

Itsaboatjack · 23/11/2012 11:06

I would also consider the trip as a family thing.

We got dd1 a kindle fire for her 8th birthday. The ds hasn't had a look in since, but then it's not 3D one. I would suggest either the kindle fire on its own or a kindle reader and the DS. Getting the fire just for angry birds seems a bit ott.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/11/2012 11:09

Dd2 went to build a bear for her birthday - dd1 also went, as dd2's special guest (we told her she could choose two people to take, she chose dd1 and her cousin)

OP posts:
Jins · 23/11/2012 11:12

I think you need a spreadsheet!

Startail · 23/11/2012 11:19

Honestly I wouldn't, you have 9-12 to find nice Xmas and birthday presents for.
Don't use all the good ideas up at once.

12+ DDs wear adult clothes, shoes and want to take their friends to the cinema or to see Shakespeare. ( OK I have a slightly bonkers DD and it is her set book)

DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 11:20

I can see where jack is coming from.

We added to DD's birthday money last year and finally gave in to months of nagging for a DSi.

The PIL's are getting her a reconditioned iPad2 for Christmas and I can help feeling a bit disgruntled that she'll probably never touch the bloody DS again!

DumSpiroSpero · 23/11/2012 11:20

can't help feeling

AlfalfaMum · 23/11/2012 11:23

No.
The clincher for me would be that you said she could choose a small present, and she asked for a bloody Kindle Fire Confused
I think I'd want to reign in her expectations a bit.
If she really wants a Kindle, you could give her some money towards it, and get her to save up the rest?
Or, ask if she wants one instead of the 3DS for Christmas Wink

Startail · 23/11/2012 11:25

Sorry meant to add.
Therefore, older DDs are easier to get things for.

They also understand how much pizza and play tickets cost and know they are equivalent to a big party.

If you buy them an iPhone (not a chance) they can calculate 35x24 and understand it's no small no.

A kindle fire is no cheap toy, it's quite an art to use to it's full potential.

I believe it's also heavy compared to a ordinary kindle.

MainlyMaynie · 23/11/2012 11:25

Depends if you can afford it. At nine, I think it's a bit unfair to have a family weekend away as your birthday present if the family can afford weekends away normally. Does she have any present to open from you? I'd definitely get her something, even if it is something small.