to ask what the worst present you ever had was

[Justforlaughs]

When I first started seeing my now DH, he asked what I wanted for my birthday. I answered "nothing" and I got it! I've also been given a size 10 bikini (when I was a size 16), by a Great Aunt and a hose reel by my MIL. What strange things have you been given?

Oh, and every year, MiL buys us a set of those solar powered garden lights (you know the ones that you dig into the front lawn) for Christmas. Every bloody year.

My family just does money/token gifty-wine-framed-photo type stuff, we've been trying for years to get MiL to just buy for the kids

DD1 once got a wok as she'd professed a fleeting interest in cooking

A sodding cupcake "set" for my kitchen. This consisted of; 3 cupcake teatowels, a cupcake pinny, a cupcake picture in a frame, a cupcake pot, a cupcake cookbook and a cupcake cooking timer.

This is because once, about 5 years earlier, I had baked some cupcakes for a party so the cupcake present buyer thought that I must really love cupcakes.

I do not really love cupcakes.

From OH
Kitchen clock
Bathroom scales
Vouchers for local beauty salon that cost me £££ in a parking ticket (and I only used the waxing voucher as I didn't want my head massaged or my hands coated in wax)
Many other things that would seriously out me but were spectacularly awful

From MIL
Dolls head powder puff. First ever gift and something told me not to open it in front of her
Le Jardin and le jardin d'amour gift set for five fecking years (makes me wheeze)
Tablecloth in seventies beige flowers to go with my blue room
Teapot with cats on it (Don't drink tea. Don't like cutesy stuff)
Jug to match teapot the following year
Pate dish shaped like a duck
Glass model of a horse (I think it was a horse)
Set of hair products for brunettes (am blonde)

Should I go on? Do I win?

A key ring. From my mother. For my 40th birthday... was SO disappointed even though I know she is as tight as a hens arse usually.

A pasta cooker, which could be set to cook pasta for any time within a 12 hour period.

Wow.

I was a SAMH mum at the time, was in the house most of everyday and was aware that pasta only took mere moments to cook.

Not quite sure what my friends (childless and both workaholics) were thinking, but the sentiment was nice.

My grandma once got me a little book on prince William, some facial wipes and one of those horrible cheap hair bands with a fake bandana and curly hair attached.
Tbh it made my Christmas it was so funny!

Worst present was from my nan; feck all. I was gutted that my siblings had beautifully wrapped gifts. I wasn't bothered at all when they were revealed as sheepskin mittens.

Second worst was an iron from DH our first Christmas together (sent as a joke). He was away overnight and I was fuming until I went into the front room and he had bought and put up decorations, including a Christmas tree.

My PIL get me a bottle of rose wine every year for my birthday. Every year DH tells them I don't drink rose!

Then a size 20 short sleve 'maine' from Debenhams purple knitted funnle neck cardigan two years ago. They got DH a Ralph Lauren jumper.
I was a 14/16 and under 30!

Last year they got me a box set of vulgarly bright glittery eyeshadows. They got DH a bottle of chanel aftershave.

And they wonder how I can possibly think they don't like me

My mother has always been awful at presents - pair of american tan pop socks, used - posted to me at boarding school for my 16th birthday so I had to open them in front of everyone.
Pack of tampons for my 10th?

Was confident I could trump anyone on this front until a friend told me her DH had once got her a loo brush for her birthday!

hubby and I forgot it was our anniversary. We found out during a trip to IKEA at the check out when I suddenly blurted out, woops it's our anniversary. He handed me....wait for it.... the toilet brush we were buying and said happy anniversary. Sooooo romantic.

When I was 14 I got a lime green velour tracksuit from my wicked stepmother. It was a size 6. I was a size 12. Still pisses me off to this day that she felt the need to be so nasty.

Shortbread. I was 37, not a bloody grandad! Given to me by people of my own age and I am a godfather to their daughter who spends quite a bit on her at Christmas AND her elder brother as well as their parents.

Was on a camping trip with EXP and his family. On one day out we passed some shitey stuffed toys - I commented how revolting they were and said in comic sarcastic voice "oh DO get me one of those for my birthday"
Cue 4 days later on my birthday I was given ... yup ... the shitey stuffed toy ... between all FOUR of them ... and fucking nothing else!!!!
THAT was my entire present for my birthday away for 3 weeks with them (Staying in a town, and in cars, so not like we had no room or chance to buy anything else or anything).

In-laws

Bedroom Doorbell

I am sure they bought it for DD and then found something else for her so stuck my name on this instead!

Christmas circa 2008

A present the fella I was seeing at the time insisted I open in front of all his family as it was "something special".

It was ever so slightly heavy, it was well wrapped.

It was three jars of chutney.

A tin of chilis because I 'like cooking' (was gutted, thought it was Gaultier

A crotchless body stocking when I was 4 mths pregnant. To make me feel sexy.

A full Anais Anais gift set. My mums perfume. Which I hate. And may have mentioned eleventy billion times occasionally.

He's an ExH now.

Back when it was all the rage and post dc1 my (now unsurprisingly ex) husband bought me "Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution" for Christmas! And more bizarely as an apoloy gift for some truly hideous behaviour which I won't go into he bought me a cup that said "I love you more than chocolate"...he doesn't eat chocolate!

MiL gave me a double egg cup one year
Mum gave me a set of vacuum storage bags last Christmas, and grandad gave my brother a charity shop tie with his initials in tippex....

My entire present "haul" last Christmas was a blusher from work (I don't wear make up), and a book called "can't be arsed" from DH. Nuff said.

A pair of "novelty" rubber gloves from MIL, covered in fur and fake jewels. She knows that I don't use rubber gloves as they irritate my hands, and she comments on this a lot. Not that I could use them anyway given the tat all over them.

A tin of kidney beans from my mother. I unwrapped them and she said oh that is where those went, took them off me and put them in the larder, I didn't even get to keep them!

A hairdryer with a different electricity plug and current from the country I live in - typical of my MIL.

My Mum bought me a size 10 pair of control pants just after I had had DS1 "to help you get a flatter stomach."

The thing was I had lost loads of weight from BF after having DS1, I ended up at 8st 2, and everyone remarked how thin I looked considering how I had just had a baby . . . I was perfectly happy with my postnatal body and didn't think I needed control pants. I did try them though and was that I couldn't get them higher than my knees!