To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

[charlmarascoxo]

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

At least you know now that you definitely don't want to be lending these two anything!

I would be tempted to screenshot the message and post it back on my facebook wall for all mutual friends to see.

I think you should have a quiet word with Wendy, tell her about Amelia's message and say, in a concerned way, how utterly taken aback and shocked you are at her incredible rudeness.

I think it's important to demonstrate, politely but as shocked and shaken as you like, what a normal reaction to this sort of behaviour looks like. Wendy may not take it well but that's her problem, walk away. I don't think you should let it pass unremarked. Alerting management may be a reasonable idea, given you have to work with Wendy.

Point is, I think very rude people think that everyone else is as rude as they are. They have a very negative view of the world. You need to demonstrate a normal reaction to show that there is an alternative interpretation. (They'll probably label you a precious, snobby cow or some such, for being upset but god knows what they'll conclude if you don't react.) You need to put the ball back in their court.

Block them of FB and ignore. Keep the messages in case the mother who is probably the same ilk as the daughter starts some malicious banter. When I read this yesterday I thought it was a very cheeky request....just a pair of freeloaders.

You could always just email a copy of this thread to the entire office.

Wow you really need to say something to Wendy. And also to your superiors. Absolutely appalling behaviour.

I really don't think that any response you could make will cause people who behave like this to see the error of their ways.

I think it really is best to ignore, but certainly to tell your boss what has happened in case this escalates.

You obviously need to confide in one of your colleagues, about Wendys behaviour and her daughters attitude. Just so that they have your side of the story when Wendy decides to start bitching about you.

Yes, and also tell your boss.

I don't think they'll see their error but they need to know that the OP does not see the situation the same way they do and has not been cowed by Amelia's nastiness.

Am I the only one to be thinking that this thread is getting more and more ridiculous as time goes on, and that the OP may be playing with us? It started off as a mildly surprising/cheeky something for a work colleague to do, developing into a somewhat worse sesne of entitlement on the part of her daught through to totally outrageous behaviour on the part of Amelia.

It may be 100% as described, it may be exaggerated a bit to keep the thread going or it could be that OP is making it up as she goes along?

I'm a bit about this thread too now. Would a daughter of a work colleague really say that?

LOL - welcome to the internet marchwillsoonbehere. That is sadly the risk you take when you are on an online forum.

I've read threads on here that do not ring true to me, but all I do is press the little back arrow and go to another thread. I personally don't dwell on it.

--- For anyone else. Through office gossip (so probably not 100% true) Wendy is in debt because her and her family like to live lavishly etc. Her daughter has very much always got her own way - I've heard that Wendy paid the deposit on her daughters house. However whilst planning the wedding Wendy's partner left her and also left her in huge debt. Only a deposit was paid for the venue and they are trying to pay the rest off rather than lose all the money. The venue I've heard is costing around £16,000? So all the money has gone on that.

I think perhaps it was slightly degrading for A to have to ask me to borrow my dress as I know she would have preferred to have her own. So for me to say no it would have annoyed and angered her.

Wendy did however make me a coffee this afternoon and no more mention of the dress or A. I politely accepted and then quickly poured it down the sink when I knew no one was watching. No taking any chances with spit/snot coffee

I'm at £16,000 on a venue. What sort of place is it?!

Hopefully you've heard the last of the whole wedding thing. And I would have done the same re the cup of coffee.

Gotta say I am with march on this one. If it is so true how come you are not annoyed op? Why haven't you blocked these people from fb? And why haven't you brought up the 'selfish bitch' comment with Wendy?

I hope you haven't made this up but really, if true, why are you not telling us more?

Is op coming back? I hope I'm wrong as it is so sad to think that some people have nothing better to do than make up
Threads.

And someone actually wants to marry Amelia?!

How fucking dare she!
Excuse me love but you are NOT the only woman to ever get married. If you can't afford the dress you want even after all the helpful suggestions then bloody well save up for it!
No wonder the OP is disinclined to acquiesce to her request.
I think Amelia should be demoted to a single-cell organism and needs to learn manners
Let your boss know about this as these things have a way of leaking into office politics. Be icily polite you have NOT been unreasonable AT ALL!

It does border on the unbelievable.

YANBU but it is nice to be nice you know. What a lovley thing to be able to do for someone , helping make their special day that little bit better.

oh, only read the first page before i posted

Wow, she sounds unhinged. Put a status on your fb offering to sell your dress for a stupidly low price. And then see if the daughter comes back to you and tries to eat her words.

re the unbelieving posters - just out of interest - have you really not ever met people like this? You're extremely lucky if you haven't!

I used to work with some people so like Wendy (and Amelia) that I'm actually wondering if charlmarascoxo could possibly work for the same place.... but I'd come across people like this before as well. The passive aggressive fb status, the rude pisstaking re bridesmaids' dresses, the extremely rude reply: all ring true to me. Other than the final reply, it's all the kind of thing my mother and sister would get up to. They are real people, they just have absolutely no boundaries, they don't listen to anyone else enough to ever acquire any boundaries, and they are very much self-defined by a lifestyle that my parents can only just afford and my sister can't really afford. My sister is gradually going nuts under the strain... and it is extremely difficult to help her, as the primary problem is that she has no external source of reality, as our parents do their best to shield her from the consequences of her behaviours.

The 16K for a wedding venue (presumably including food) is also entirely within the realms of possibility, particularly if these people really are the sort who feel Life will inevitably imitate Art if they can just set up the Art for one wedding day (that they'll be paying off for the rest of time).