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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out of DH's garage

614 replies

auroramusisamica · 18/11/2012 22:16

Am silently fuming as DH has converted our garage into his 'studio' and refuses to give me a key. It has been about a year now and I didn't think much of it first, we agreed it was his place to work, is filled with his things and I had no desire to go in there.
However it has been dawning on me that I don't like being locked out of part of my house. There have been occasions when I wanted to access things (like blank DVDs or paint brushes) and couldn't get them.

I do go in there with him but I have asked for a key, several times over the last few months and he says I don't need one, it is just his stuff, he doesn't want me in there going through things etc.

If he had just given me one first I would have no interest but now it has become this big issue and his refusal is making me want to go through it (which is not like me, I know he has porn there & I don't mind, but he knows I know this so must be something else right?)

So AIBU to want a key, surely if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 19/11/2012 10:16

It is perfectly possible to have privacy without needing to lock doors and obsessively guard a key. DP and I are well able to get privacy when we need it, and I would not take kindly to being locked out of any part of my home.

flow4 · 19/11/2012 10:23

No-one has mentioned Bluebeard yet, so I will. The point of that story is not that if a man keeps a room locked up it must be full of dead bodies Hmm... The point is that if there's a 'hidden' bit of your life and you find yourself turning it over and over in your mind, then you have a question that you suspect has a nasty answer, and that you need to face.

aurora, you were bothered enough about this to post on here. What bothers you? Put your finger on precisely what, and address that point.

Is it that you know he doesn't trust you?
Is it that you know you don't trust him?
Is it that you feel like a tenant in your own home?
Or what...?

Only you can be sure what it is.

stifnstav · 19/11/2012 10:26

Whatever it is, it does seem unsavoury.

I can understand the camera for security if his room would be accessible by a burglar, but if you can't get in there how can a burglar? So what's the point of the camera?

Creepy.

OneMoreChap · 19/11/2012 11:01

tisnottheseasonyet
Man questions woman's privacy, emotionally abusive bastard.

Woman questions man's privacy, kiddy fiddler.

Reasonable.

Nah, if I posted "My wife has locked me out of the garden shed. No, actually padlocked it, and said I can't have a key" I guess I'd be offered advice on how to break in...

Privacy and locking someone out of joint property is a different matter.

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/11/2012 11:16

A robber would have no issues with breaking the lock

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 19/11/2012 11:23

It's really weird.

DH and I use bedrooms in our house as offices. They're completely open and still part of the 'shared' house.

Good luck op.

MikeOxard · 19/11/2012 11:25

Change the locks and give him a key?

HullyEastergully · 19/11/2012 11:29

bluebeard

StanleyLambchop · 19/11/2012 11:29

My DH considers the garage to be his domain. I think in his dreams he would like to keep me out of it, mainly because he would like it to remain a space where he can put all his things, without me doing the same. I take no notice of this, it is filled with storage boxes of my stuff, as well as the gardening tools (which mainly I use) and the childrens bikes, scooters, and garden toys. Like many others have said, the key is kept on a hook in the kitchen. He has never seriously tried to suggest I stay out, or hidden the key, and if he did I would be very 'bollocks to that' about not being able to use space in my own home.
The problem is that you have accepted this situation for a year now, even your title says 'locked out of DH's garage', you actually view it as his space as well !!. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how this feels, and firmly ask him to let you have a key. If he sees you mean business maybe he will stop being such an idiot!

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 19/11/2012 11:33

It's weird. I'd break in.

nancerama · 19/11/2012 11:35

Put a lock on the kitchen door and make him ask for permission for food and water.

Bloody odd behaviour in my opinion.

peeriebear · 19/11/2012 11:35

It's downright weird that he won't allow a spare key to be kept in the house as a precaution against needing to get in in case of fire etc. It also says that he does have a spare key somewhere hidden.
DH has a shed- it's completely his, he built it from scratch, it has all his hobby stuff in it as well as a good stereo system :). He is out there most evenings as he makes money from his hobby. I am free to enter his shed whenever I please, whether he is here or not, and I have a spare key on my keyring.

DontmindifIdo · 19/11/2012 11:36

Our garage is DH's domain - and I don't have a key to the main front garage door, however there is a back door to the garage and I have a key for that so can go in whenever I want to freeze and trip over various bits of mountain bikes

OP - you need to get in there, give him 24 hours to have another key cut for you or you are putting him on warning that you'll get the lock changed, which will be far more expensive than him just cutting a key, if he tells you you are being silly, or tries to make you feel unreasonable, remember this is your garage too - why shouldn't you have access to part of your own home?

Then, have a good poke about and come back here and tell us nosy cows all about it.

piprabbit · 19/11/2012 11:44

If your DH is working in his room and comes out to make a cup of tea, does he lock up behind himself?
Does he lock himself in while he is working in there?
Do you have free access to pop your head round the door and have a good look offer him a cup of tea whenever you like? Do you have to knock?

TBH I'd tell him that you (as joint householders, not you as DW) need to have a key kept in an accessible place in the main house. It is for the benefit of his stuff. What if there was a plumbing issue and you couldn't get in to save his instruments from the water? Or if you smelt fire, but couldn't check if there was a problem? What if he lost his key?

If he refuses, challenge him. Why doesn't he trust you? Tell him how you feel about the lack of trust.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 19/11/2012 11:46

What if there was a fire in his garage?

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 19/11/2012 12:17

Is it very wrong that with all the posters saying "What if there was a fire" that I'm wondering if you could break in, start a tiny, harmless fire near an electrical outlet, and then say that you had to break in because you smelt smoke and wasn't it lucky you had the fire extinguisher to hand?

(I AM joking! Don't really start a fire...)

But please, please come and update us when you find out what his embarrassing taste in music is...

TuftyFinch · 19/11/2012 12:18

Buy a tiny spy cam. Next time you go in, when he's in there, put a secret, hidden, camera in there. Retrieve it a week later.

TuftyFinch · 19/11/2012 12:20

Or, get some shrinking potion. Then you can hide in there and see exactly what Mr Sneaky is up to.
Remember to buy the antidote though.

OhDearSpareHeadTwo · 19/11/2012 12:24

DH would be overjoyed to have a locked garage. I have previous for chucking out mouldy, battered cardboard boxes etc that were apparently very precious and he loves the idea of having a OhDear-free space where he can chuck things all over the floor and fester in mess with no fear of recrimination. He would probably refuse to let me in there. There wouldn't be anything suspicious in it, just having his own space to make as much man-mess as possible.

I think that, if you are not generally suspicious of him, there's no reason to worry. If, however,you have reason to think he's doing something funny in there then maybe the refusal to let you in is evidence of it. IYSWIM

HoneyDragon · 19/11/2012 12:28

Call a lock smith say you've lost the key. Change lock. Refuse to give dh a key until he agrees to stop being an arse.

ShatnersBassoon · 19/11/2012 12:30

I'd have to break in. I wouldn't even make an excuse for it, just get in there somehow and have a good rifle through everything, then tell him that it was me that had done it because I wanted to.

I would hate to be disallowed in part of my own home. I don't go in DH's shed because I don't want to, but should the fancy take me I could go in there at any moment.

FredFredGeorge · 19/11/2012 12:33

Are people really suggesting that the correct thing to do on discovering a fire in a shed or garage is to open the door? No, please call the fire brigade... there's no chance that the fire will be small enough to tackle domestically once discovered in an unattended outbuilding. Opening the door will just increase the airflow to the fire? So I can't see any reason to have a key in case of a fire - the fire brigade will just bash their way in if they need to not wait around for a key.

(People read the thread, when he's in there the OP has unrestricted access to the unlocked shed and they even spend time in it together)

It's not unreasonable for him to have private space, it's not unreasonable for him to keep his space secure with cameras and locks, indeed he's mad to do anything else with expensive stuff in an outbuilding, it's not unreasonable to keep the key to it on his keychain.

The only slightly unusual thing is that he's said no to the OP having a key, and given that the OP has said that she wants the key to go get things (paint brushes, blank DVD's whatever) then she doesn't respect the privacy of his private space - so perhaps his views on that are not unreasonable. Indeed the fact the vast majority of the people on this thread have no respect for his privacy (and presumably therefore their partners) has made me think I should start locking my private things away, even though I would normally just trust my DP.

It sounds to me that the pestering for a key is exactly why there isn't a second key, as opposed to anything particular to hide.

HoneyDragon · 19/11/2012 12:35

Why should she not be allowed things from in there?

diddl · 19/11/2012 12:37

I´m wondering why OP needs a key in case of fire?

Jux · 19/11/2012 12:40

It's tidiculous and dangerous. That is sufficient reason for there to be a key available in an emergency. The fact that you couldn't even switch the bloody light off is a perfect illustration of why he is being completely unreasonable, nay, stupid about it.