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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out of DH's garage

614 replies

auroramusisamica · 18/11/2012 22:16

Am silently fuming as DH has converted our garage into his 'studio' and refuses to give me a key. It has been about a year now and I didn't think much of it first, we agreed it was his place to work, is filled with his things and I had no desire to go in there.
However it has been dawning on me that I don't like being locked out of part of my house. There have been occasions when I wanted to access things (like blank DVDs or paint brushes) and couldn't get them.

I do go in there with him but I have asked for a key, several times over the last few months and he says I don't need one, it is just his stuff, he doesn't want me in there going through things etc.

If he had just given me one first I would have no interest but now it has become this big issue and his refusal is making me want to go through it (which is not like me, I know he has porn there & I don't mind, but he knows I know this so must be something else right?)

So AIBU to want a key, surely if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?

OP posts:
Jux · 19/11/2012 08:44

He has electrical equipment in there. What if there were a fire in there while he's out? Just tell him it's not safe and the key needs to be accessible. Be very firm. Tell him that all his cloak and dagger nonsense is ridiculous. That you are unable to get, eg, a disk when you need one is ridiculous. It is just silly. He is behaving like a little boy hiding things from mummy. Ask him if that's how he sees you. He is being idiotic.

Original poster
auroramusisamica · 19/11/2012 08:48

Morning all, don't worry I don't really believe he is a serial killer or anything like that, it is probably really boring Smile

Joanie - I didn't realise at first that I was locked out as I had no desire (or suspicions) to go in there. I only realised when he left the light on & went out and I couldn't go in there to turn it off. I have asked him to put a spare just in case in the key box but he refuses.

It maybe is just a privacy issue but to me it is becoming like pandoras box or a big red button marked don't push & I really want to!

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 19/11/2012 08:49

FFS it's tongue in cheek!

No need to get yourselves all worked up hysterical about MN hysteria.

waltermittymissus · 19/11/2012 08:49

Oops huge x post! Grin

That was aimed at all the Jesus Wepters!

FrustratedSycamoreBonks · 19/11/2012 08:55

Right, now what you need is a metal wallpaper scraper (those metal triangle things with a handle on) failing that a fish slice but that's more tricky
Once you've figured out the nack of it it's quite quick to get in.

Original poster
auroramusisamica · 19/11/2012 08:56

Grin my mind did wander for a second last night but it was v late & I was very tired.

OP posts:
MrsBucketxx · 19/11/2012 09:00

it would bother me not because of the fact its something dodgy but he is hiding something from you.

locked doors and security cameras thats odd scary even.

MrsBucketxx · 19/11/2012 09:03

if the light for some rason caught light, and there was a fire what then?, you all burn to death because your dh has issues Hmm

HoneyDragon · 19/11/2012 09:05

Be careful. Once you've seen you can't unsee. Dh has a cyber shed. It's his space - but as he hoards household stuff in there occassionally I have to venture in.

I only went in to find my Sellotape. But to my everlasting horror I discovered not one, but two CDs I never knew existed on our property. They were Michael Bolton!

All this time I thought he was working, and the dirty fucker was sat listening to that filth!

It was like discovering I was married to a stranger Sad.

On a serious note. Dh gets mildy irritated if I have to go in and move stuff, but the key is kept in the house. It's not even a question of whether I need permission to go in.
Well accept at Christmas Grin then I have to ask!

HoneyDragon · 19/11/2012 09:06

Except, expect!

NoraGainesborough · 19/11/2012 09:07

Its a vicious circle. You want to go in because he is being secretive, he is getting more secretive because you want to go in.

RuleBritannia · 19/11/2012 09:12

Is there a bed in there? {nudge, nudge, wink,wink}

TeentheBean · 19/11/2012 09:13

YANBU at all, I would find it strange, odd, unsettling

Ha ha @ HoneyDragon - Michael Bolton FFS - how could he look you in the face after being exposed like that. I bet you have to hide from the neighbours now!

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 19/11/2012 09:13

Honey your DH is a spoonyfucker AND has Michael Bolton cd's?

LTB!

(Apologies for hijack)

OP it's probably only his Cliff Richard music collection but you have to let us know!

(& YY to not being locked out of a room in your own home being wrong)

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 19/11/2012 09:32

My first thought was uh-oh, dead bodies. Hope you haven't got a large chest freezer in there.

I wouldn't go snooping at night OP not unless accompanied by a SWAT team there is most likely something on the HDD of the pc that he does not want you to see. If you do get in there you probably won't get past the fort-knox passwords.

I agree you need to know what's happening though, just can't think how you go about it

HoneyDragon · 19/11/2012 09:47

I really should LTB. But in all honesty, he's the only man I know who can live with a woman who immacs his children and has twat spiders. I try to grateful for what I have, even if he is a spoonyfucker.

RyleDup · 19/11/2012 09:51

Well I guess if he is a musician and he's got all his mixing stuff in there, then thats why he's got the security camera and keeps it locked all the time. That stuff is expensive. And its not really a shed as such, its his office, which he keeps locked. Fwiw, I have the key to the shed on my keyring and I don't really like dh going in there, as he moves stuff around and tries to store stuff in there. I don't actually stop him from going in there though. I just stand around complaing until he takes his stuff out again and gives me the key back.

Lavenderhoney · 19/11/2012 09:57

What happened a year ago to make him start to lock it up? Does he ever lock himself in there when you are home? Is anything else locked up in the room?

It might be his computer... Do you know his password? Tbh I would be snoopy if my dh locked stuff up. We have nothing exciting to lock up! Just asked dh and he thinks you should be vvv careful - is the rest of the house covered by the security cameras or just his bit? does it have windows?

Did he build it himself a year ago? What side are the hinges? Could You unscrew the door that way? But if you don't know his password it's a waste of time. Get someone to hack it for you?

ArbitraryUsername · 19/11/2012 10:04

It is almost certainly an awesome Christmas present. At least, that's what I'd be hoping.

Either that or he's probably got some really embarrassing hobby that he doesn't want to be laughed at for. It probably involves scale models.

In our last house DH didn't have keys to all the doors. Nothing sinister about it; we were just too lazy/tight to get keys cut for doors we rarely or never used. If he wanted to open the unnecessary extra patio door, he'd just use my keys. It didn't keep him out of part of the house though. That would have been weird.

LittleBairn · 19/11/2012 10:08

Ok I'm going to get flamed for this but going to write it anyway, because we all wished we had said something to my aunt over the years.

My aunts (now ex) husband didn't allow anyone in his home office, had a lock on the door and was never parted from the key. Even if she knocked on the door to call him for dinner he would wait until she'd gone to open the door.
If she had gained access to his office, gotten into his computer she would have found evidence that he was abusing their 4 kids. It may have saved the younger ones from him. But she never questioned why she wasn't allowed in there, it was his office his own space none of them needed access.

As a family we all thought this was really odd but no one said anything.

My DH has two home offices he prefers that I don't go in there but the doors are always lefts open and I can if I want go in at any time.
Maybe unfairly but I'd never trust anyone who carried the key on the at all times, that's seriously suspicious behaviour.

mum2threesons · 19/11/2012 10:11

I would have kicked the door in months ago

tisnottheseasonyet · 19/11/2012 10:12

Man questions woman's privacy, emotionally abusive bastard.

Woman questions man's privacy, kiddy fiddler.

Reasonable.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 19/11/2012 10:12

Leave the bastard.

He is either carrying on with something really unsavory in there, quite possibly on his computer. Or drugs. There is no other reason to guard the key with his life, causing suspicion or distrust.

Or he is a pathetic little man who thinks he has finally found a way to exercise some control in his home and relationship and gets a high from keeping you guessing as to what is so secret in there that he has to carry a key at all times and you can only be in there when he is.

LittleBairn · 19/11/2012 10:14

tis I'm not saying he is, he's most likely not but when people go to such great lengths to keep a room locked with security camera FFS then without a doubt they are hiding something. Maybe it's because he has a teddy fetish or he likes reading mills and Boon.

AnyFucker · 19/11/2012 10:15

season you can try and make this into a "reverse the genders and what would you get" thread if you like

but you are mistaken..a woman acting in this suspiciously secretive (not private) way would get the same responses