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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out of DH's garage

614 replies

auroramusisamica · 18/11/2012 22:16

Am silently fuming as DH has converted our garage into his 'studio' and refuses to give me a key. It has been about a year now and I didn't think much of it first, we agreed it was his place to work, is filled with his things and I had no desire to go in there.
However it has been dawning on me that I don't like being locked out of part of my house. There have been occasions when I wanted to access things (like blank DVDs or paint brushes) and couldn't get them.

I do go in there with him but I have asked for a key, several times over the last few months and he says I don't need one, it is just his stuff, he doesn't want me in there going through things etc.

If he had just given me one first I would have no interest but now it has become this big issue and his refusal is making me want to go through it (which is not like me, I know he has porn there & I don't mind, but he knows I know this so must be something else right?)

So AIBU to want a key, surely if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 18/11/2012 23:51

What do you mean "if you find anything"?! Shock

You have to tell us either way!

SoggySummer · 18/11/2012 23:51

call his bluff! Wait for him to come home from work then tell him the police have been and wanted to search his "workshop" or whatever he refers to it as and are calling back in 20 minutes!

Watch his face and body language!!

Grin
HildaOgden · 18/11/2012 23:54

Just asked dh his opinion ..which is 'that's definitely dodgy'.His suggestions include A) illegal porn B)drugs (unlikely) C) on-line gambling.

HildaOgden · 18/11/2012 23:56

....oh,and he also said the camera is to keep tabs on you,and whether or not you get in there when he is out.

Flojo1979 · 18/11/2012 23:57

Only just read this. I immediately wondered if there was a computer in there, now I know there is then I'm guessing he's doing something he shouldn't on there. Maybe chatting to women, maybe having an affair, are you sure the camera is CCTV for security and no for some sort of webcam thing?
Break the door down and go through his computer but if he's so secretive about the door then he might have passworded the comp.

joanbyers · 19/11/2012 00:01

Vast collection of illegal internet pornography perhaps?

MonaLotte · 19/11/2012 00:05

DH also said freaky porn. I say drugs especially with the music job. It's weird even if it's something innocuous though as why won't he just give you a key?

Softlysoftly · 19/11/2012 00:06

Grin at you lot, almost convinced there are either trophy bodies or some form of bestiality porn in there.

Trying to be a voice of reason pp had a good point, how is he with the key and how is he with personal space usually?

Does he ever come across as OCD, particular about his "creative space" and have you ever rowed about you moving/messing with his stuff? It could be an extreme reaction to wanting control over his belongings/space. I drive DH nuts moving his electrical stuff im sure he would love to lock me out.

If however he is extremely attached to the key, locks himself in sometimes, gets defensive when pushed for access/needs time before allowing you in and has never had any personal space issues, then start looking for the bodies. :)

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/11/2012 00:22

Are you a secret snooper or have you previously been?

I ask because my ex used to go through everything of mine phone PC paperwork you name it he would and it used to drive me up the wall with fury.

I never ever did the same to him but he just took all my stuff as fair game for a snoop after repeatedly asking him not to and him ignoring me the day he accused me of cheating due to a totally innocent txt and email from my brother I put passwords on everything I could and had a lock fitted to my home office door and got a lockable mail box thing and a safe.

It pissed him off hugely but my response was always that he should have respected my privacy and if he had then I wouldn't have felt the need to protect it from him.

HollaAtMeBaby · 19/11/2012 00:44

YANBU. Marking place as I REALLY want to know what's in the garage! but also thinking of a secret basement with horrible things in it

CordeliaChase · 19/11/2012 00:58

I told my DH about this....he now wants his own place he can lock himself in so he can retreat from my nagging Angry git.

Sounds very suspicious, please done leave us all in suspense for too long Grin

Bogeyface · 19/11/2012 01:09

Ok, here's what you do.....

Wait until he is in there and go upstairs and scream blue murder, he legs it up to you, you leg it back down and lock yourself in the room.

You are in, you have access to the computer, job done!

Or you kick the door down when he is out claiming you could smell smoke and thought there was a fire, I would personally do that.

Original poster
auroramusisamica · 19/11/2012 01:18

Have tried to sleep but this is keeping me up too now! I have never been a snooper, have always felt happy in our relationship & (until the locked door) never had any cause for concern. Even now I can go for a month or so forgetting about it as nothing else about him worries me & all is happy & normal.

As for the keys, he keeps them in his pocket during the day & am not sure where they go at night, i think in bedside drawer, never checked. i have always been more interested in why i cant have my own key & have never seriously considered taking his & having a look at night (though i am getting more & more suspicious)

I am now really tempted but not sure I would find anything, as it would have to be well hidden & I am sure the computer is password protected.

I think he does have a spare one somewhere as someone mentioned but I did search for it once a while ago & never found it.

He is quite OCD about music stuff but he also knows I would never touch it (never did at old place where desk was in living room)

Will definitely do something, not sure what yet though!

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 19/11/2012 07:40

Hope you are ok this morning OP. Don't let a bunch of strangers on the internet freak you out. I think it is just possible he is just being a bit of a control freak. FWIW I'd love a locked space.!

BunnyLeBOOwski · 19/11/2012 07:56

Jesus wept. This thread really is MN at it's ridiculous, hysterical worst Hmm.

Try not to let the idiots work you up OP. I'm pretty sure the explanation will be fairly innocuous (if odd) rather than that his office is a serial killer's lair or a makeshift prison Hmm.

My advice is to try a frank discussion telling him how uncomfortable this makes you feel. And take it from there.

BehindLockNumberNine · 19/11/2012 08:00

I have to disagree with you grobags. I would not love a locked space. I would love a private space but would not dream of locking dh out of it to the extend of the key not leaving my side.

I don't think that there is anything sinister going on, I think the locking stems from control-freakery not from sinister-up-to-no-good-freakery, but it is not normal to lock your spouse out of part of the home surely? I think he likes the power he is holding over op, that is the game. (Really don't think it is any more sinister than that...)

msrisotto · 19/11/2012 08:06

It is odd though, but no, I'm not concerned that any murdering or imprisonment is going on!

lisad123 · 19/11/2012 08:08

Oh bunny we are all meaning tongue in cheek, I think Blush when we mention dead bodies Grin

Daddelion · 19/11/2012 08:13

He's a serial kiler, drug dealer, into illegal porn or...
he likes his privacy, which is more likely?

TandB · 19/11/2012 08:14

If he wouldn't let you in when he was in there then I would be concerned.

But if you are free to wander in and out when he is there then he clearly isn't up to anything illegal/dodgy when he is there, and when is not there, he obviously can't be up to anything, so when exactly would he be getting up to all the things suggested on this thread?

I think he's probably just being a twat. He probably never thought about the key issue until you first asked for one and then dug his heels in because he has decided you are being unreasonable to want one, as he knows there is nothing untoward there. The more you have asked, the more stubborn he has got about it until it has become a massive issue. He's probably on some forum somewhere moaning about why his wife is so obsessed with having a key to a room that only has his stuff in.

I would suggest sitting him down and explaining to him, slowly and carefully, that it is inappropriate for you to be locked out of a room in your own house and that it makes you feel that he doesn't trust you and is damaging your trust in him. If he is normally a reasonable bloke then he should agree to leave the key somewhere accessible. If he still digs his heels in, then I would think about having the lock removed and NOT going through his stuff, to make the point that there is no need for a lock.

PopMusicShoobyDoobyDoA · 19/11/2012 08:15

At worst it's likely to be disturbing porn stuff and at best, it's some form of control issues.

However, this thread has seems to have wound up OP. Most of it is ridiculous, and I agree with bunny who said to have a frank discussion about it. If the frank discussion doesn't get anywhere, then maybe you can take action.

HellothisisJoanie · 19/11/2012 08:16

what a Pile of CRAP.
you never thought this was odd initially?

christ alive

GhostShip · 19/11/2012 08:23

If I were you I'd claim a room in the house and see how he likes it. Locked at ALL times.

DevlinMaccabee · 19/11/2012 08:24

He's not a Prisoner of War called Nick Brody is he?

Sorry been watching too much Homeland!

diddl · 19/11/2012 08:33

I can´t really see the problem tbh.

Odd/unusual maybe.

Op-it was a garage-you knew what was in there?

Does he bring stuff home secretly now & put it in there without you knowing?

Is it like his office/workspace now?

My husband lock his desk drawers at work & the office door.

If he had an office at home & did the same, I wouldn´t care at all.