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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out of DH's garage

614 replies

auroramusisamica · 18/11/2012 22:16

Am silently fuming as DH has converted our garage into his 'studio' and refuses to give me a key. It has been about a year now and I didn't think much of it first, we agreed it was his place to work, is filled with his things and I had no desire to go in there.
However it has been dawning on me that I don't like being locked out of part of my house. There have been occasions when I wanted to access things (like blank DVDs or paint brushes) and couldn't get them.

I do go in there with him but I have asked for a key, several times over the last few months and he says I don't need one, it is just his stuff, he doesn't want me in there going through things etc.

If he had just given me one first I would have no interest but now it has become this big issue and his refusal is making me want to go through it (which is not like me, I know he has porn there & I don't mind, but he knows I know this so must be something else right?)

So AIBU to want a key, surely if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 19/11/2012 14:13

I think I'd be even more irritated by the fact that there's a second key in existence but deliberately hidden from me than that he didn't want me to go in there in the first place. Patronising bastard.

amillionyears · 19/11/2012 14:15

Sounds like a control and power issue.
Is he scretive about finances etc?

Floopy21 · 19/11/2012 14:41

If it was me, having asked for a key previously & been denied it for spurious reasons, I would find a way of getting in there on the quiet & not give him a warning so he could delete/hide anything dodgy. Very odd to be locked out of part of your own home IMO.

Floopy21 · 19/11/2012 14:43

And I'm not a snooper by trade at all, just strikes me as fishy!

cheekybaubles · 19/11/2012 14:49

I have cracked the case!
He is planning a huge surprise for you and doesn't want you to spoil it.
Which could be a good thing, or a very bad thing (joke)
How long has this room been locked?(thinking how long would it take him to make a life size statue of you out if his pubes)

LilllyLovesLife · 19/11/2012 14:55

Cheekybaubles - think she said it's been a year since the lock was added..

OP - can you not search the house and find the spare key? Surely he can't of hidden it THAT well.

Am I the only one starting to doubt how real this is? Most people on this thread seem to want to get in there more than the OP does. If It was me, I wouldn't be still faffing about a year down the line, even after all these posters had agreed he is up to something.
Unless maybe OP just doesn't actually want to know the truth on some level? ignorance is bliss and all that?

Original poster
auroramusisamica · 19/11/2012 14:57

AF - am not trying to drip feed but am answering questions. I couldn't have put the answer to everything in the OP, don't think there would have been room! I don't see how I can say any more without being accused of drip feeding.

He isn't 'in charge' he cooks and helps bathe the children and then I take over for bedtime. I clean the house, he fixes things, it was never decided to be that way just happened and I am quite happy with all our other arrangements. He spends all day at the weekends with us and works at night after the children are in bed.

Btw I know this does sound like a wind up but sadly it is not Sad

OP posts:
cheekybaubles · 19/11/2012 14:57

A year? Well, depends how hursuit he is?

LilllyLovesLife · 19/11/2012 15:01

If it's not a wind up why are you not doing a bit more? As I say, can't you hunt the spare key down? Or get a new one cut by sneaking his one off his keys for a couple of hours? Or use his PC one evening cause yours is broken/running slow or something?

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 19/11/2012 15:02

I would be wanting to know what is on that computer. I wouldn't like not knowing if he was so secretive, especially with kids around.

Awful thought I know but this behaviour is definitely well out of the ordinary.

I trust my DP and can look through his computer if I so wish, just as he could look through mines. Neither of us would be bothered or even consider it snooping as we have nothing to hide.

If I thought he did have something to hide he wouldn't be getting near our child until I knew what it was and that there was nothing to worry about.

Rollmops · 19/11/2012 15:09

Very Bluebeard.... has he had many wives ....[shocked]
(Have not read the thread)

LaCiccolina · 19/11/2012 15:12

If he has a computer in there u have to go on it. V strange and yup sadly sounds sinister.....

LaCiccolina · 19/11/2012 15:14

As I'm posting its about 264 replies and

U STILL HAVEN'T GONE IN THERE?!?!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 19/11/2012 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilllyLovesLife · 19/11/2012 15:21

Also, I hate to say it (surprised nobody else has) What if the stuff he is hiding on his computer is something like child porn or something? Not saying it is, obviously you trust him around your kids. But anybody who hides things in this way would not be around my children till I knew what it was.

McChristmasPants2012 · 19/11/2012 15:23

I would be soo frustrated. I would tell him he either hands over the key or he will be losing the room.

There is no reason for you not to have a key, unless he doesn't trust you to lock it back up incase the DC go in there.

ChristineDaae · 19/11/2012 15:24

No way would I accept being locked out!!

McChristmasPants2012 · 19/11/2012 15:31

But saying that you can get self locking doors, so no excuss

theDudesmummy · 19/11/2012 15:33

"Doesn't want you going through his things"???? Why not if he is not hiding something? This is bullshit, I would not let myself be locked out for a minute. (As GreenyEyes just said, I also have never bothered going through any of my DH's things, in the shed, basement etc. Far too boring and dusty, tools and old boatbuilding manuals, who could be bothered. But if he locked me out of anywhere I would have the door off in an instant).

Cahoots · 19/11/2012 15:35

Depending how your home network is setup you maybe able to see what he uses his computer for. It depends on where the main computer is, how the network is set up and the type of security program's you use.

Might be worth a look though.

Original poster
auroramusisamica · 19/11/2012 15:35

I am not really sure how much I can add now. I feel this is going to end badly for me unless I do something but it is not that easy especially since I am at work.

I do think there must be something but even if I did break in (have made a note about using a fish slice!) I am faced with a pass coded mac which I can't use. I don't think I know anyone to 'crack' it for me.

I also work and have the children at night so dont have time to invite hackers back and pillage the garage. The only way I could do it is book a day off work.

Even if I did all that he could come back at any time and what would he think to see me standing there, fish slice in hand helping a hacker break into his computer. Then he would be completely justified.

I might try something when I can and I really really do appreciate all the replies and advice (some of it I may try) but I cannot be pushed into running out of work and breaking in today.

Believe it or not this is true and that's why I am going at my speed. Which will be a bit faster though now you have all confirmed that I should be worried.

OP posts:
MissVerinder · 19/11/2012 15:41

Ok, you need to get in there.

I am a right sneaky chuffer and here's what I would do.

Priority- Take care of the security camera. Turn the power off. Make sure you do this whilst DP is far enough away for you to call and say there's a power cut- where's the trip switch?- or casually mention it to him later in the day in case he checks the footage.

Item 1- The Door. If it's a garage, is it a standard internal door? Depending on the lock if you have a screwdriver and plenty of time you should be able to unscrew the door (you will need help getting it back on). If it's a yale lock, you should be able to find someone who knows how to pick it.

Item 2- The Key. This will take considerably more time; find the key. Really really look for it. Divide the house into a grid and spend a certain amount of time searching each one. You can break it down day by day. To be honest though, I would imagine the spare key is actually in the garage.

Item 3- Ask him for the key and some alone time in there to wrap the Christmas presents, lock the door behind you and snoop like hell.

joanbyers · 19/11/2012 15:44

I think you need to be careful with this. You do need a professional hacker IMO. You won't find a thing on a password-protected Mac, so you'll just break in and find nothing and he'll be just laughing at you.

You need a private security specialist I think, there could be options e.g. transferring the hard drive out to another computer but I don't know how macs work it's possible this wouldn't work. Perhaps you could post something on a technical forum about this.

You say he has a camera there, but unless he's super-super-crazy he probably doesn't watch the tapes if he doesn't know somebody has been in, so avoiding detection would be a good idea IMO.

Good luck.

Viviennemary · 19/11/2012 15:49

He's building a time machine.

Lavenderhoney · 19/11/2012 15:57

Hackers work remotely, they don't have to be there. Macs and the camera can be hacked quite easily I am told ( so don't leave your computer on and connected to the Internet ladies:)

They can remotely download the hard drive and have a good old look round. No one will know. They can also get any bank details or credit card accounts, plus password. You can also fit a keyboard sniffer that records the keystrokes and so you can get the password from that. If you are very good on a mac and can download the hard drive for your looking at later.

Or you can, as already suggested, buy a mini spy camera, set it up so it watches the screen and that's it really.

Or contact a private dectective, and tell them to do it.

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