To inform the baggy combat wearing, makeup free and greasy ponytail club

[LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats]

. . .who seem to think they are superior parents because of these attributions that they are in no way any better at parenting then i am with my make up on curled hair, slightly too tight jeans and a smile.

And announce that they probably do spend more time thinking about the way they look then putting ''that energy into playing with my children'' than they seem to think.

This is not a thread moaning about the people who dare to wear comfortable clothes and leave the house (i do too occasionally), or who are confident enough to go out without make up on because it matters not too them, but instead about those who declare it is ''because they are to busy to care and would rather play with the kids'' Passive aggressively or maybe those who roll there eyes and nudge there partner in there ribs with gusto if they see someone with a child in tow who fancied wearing high heels to Nandos.

anyone know what this is about?, doesn't the whole ''i'm so relaxed that i don't need to care what people think of me'' end up lost in the convincing everyone that they are doing there kids a favour by not wearing perfume and makeup.

Or is DS going to grow up sideways because of me for spending an extra ten minutes in the bedroom before DP goes to work?

yep thats me too verysmallsqueak

Sorry all, this is not the be all and end all of my life it is just a mild irritant.

But i do care and the ''but whys!!!!'' are just stupid.

Although some of you are right in that it is because i am insecure, i am, i really struggle with my appearance so i do the makeup and the hair and it works, it really does i start to feel some confidence and i feel good about the way i look so it is rather annoying when i feel pulled up and made to feel as if it is doing my son a disservice when really it's not is it?.

I spend my spare ten minutes doing my face, some people spend there's reading a magazine, some spend it eating a bar of galaxy.

My school playground is like Bofs. Discussions tend to be more about hangovers and unsuitable shags that SATs and fundraising.

Lurcio excellent game plan.

I am the mother that literally gets my dd to tuck and roll as I slow the car down (but not completely stop) outside the school, just as the bell rings. And I don't have make up on and my hair scraped back. And I don't play with the kids on a morning. I am shit.

I look far better on an afternoon, still do my best to avoid eye contact though. Usually get my phone out and MN. :)

OP - I think you are over thinking this. I only wear make up for nights out, but I don't judge someone for wearing make-up and high heels on a daily baisis. In fact, I'm always impressed that they've made an effort. I'm too lazy to bother.

Is it a feeling you get or have people actually said this to you?

If it's a feeling could it be that some cases are possibly you being self conscious?

There's no way I'm leaving the house without a bit of make up. I'm so insecure and self conscious, I'd feel naked naked and that everyone was staring. Of course I know differently, but I'd still think it.

I neglect my kids in lots of other ways though. Tbh they get on my bloody nerves so much sometimes that I'm happy if they bugger off to the playroom and put a film on and leave me alone for a while.

[bad parent]

Bloody hell OP - where you do live - the last time I wore baggy combats was just over 5 years ago returning to work after having ds. I was pretty much laughed out of the place for them and that over 5 years ago. I've never seen them since.

Myself - I wear no makeup and haven't for about 20 years - just live in stuff that's comfortable for me (but not baggy combats obviously)!

Can't say I've ever felt better for being thinner (I've put on about a stone) or with makeup or good hair. Doesn't do it for me. But if it does it for you than do it.

Just what I was thinking, maddening, has someone actually said anything to the OP?

"made to feel as if it is doing my son a disservice when really it's not is it?"

in the nicest possible way, you dont need us to tell you that it's not. you know it's not. YOU know. and that's the only person that needs to know. if 3 or 4 people here replied saying "yes i think you should spend those 10 minutes with your son instead" what would you say? you would defend yourself and what you do because YOU know that you aren't damaging your child in anyway. it is ridiculous that other people have you questioning your parenting like this. you dont have to justify your behaviour to anyone. you aren't harming anyone. stop giving yourself a hard time. stop letting other people's stupid issues about themselves take up space in your head. really. let it all go over your head. it's doing you no good being in there.

I'm not really into dreadlocks tbh or pertula oil either

It has been said, but in a passive aggressive way.

So at a playgroup all with children of similar ages and it's ''you look nice Lola'' ''well i'd rather play with DD then spend time doing make up''

It leaves you feeling embarrassed and also slightly pathetic, the one time i said something back it was ''it is possible to do both'' and then the person changes from PA to smiley, i can hardly start an argument.

I am not imagining it, though possibly overthinking it.

I can still care though, it is allowed.

I am also not the only one who has said it happens but those who are saying i am making it up are conveniently ignoring that

I kind of get where you'e coming from OP.
I don't feel right unless I've had a shower and washed my hair, that's just me though.
But we're all different, and putting a bit of make up on or not isn't anything about being a mum.
But I've also seen some new age hippies trying to make the impression that their parenthood is best.
As an old hippy, I've given my ds my values, right or wrong, and so far he's the same as me.
If he becomes a Tory (unlikely in Scotland),

It'll be his choice though.

you dont have to put yourself in these people's way though OP avoid them. if they are being PA, call them on it "oh my goodness, you sounded so bitchy just then. did you mean to?" or ask them to repeat what they said, pretend you didn't hear it first time. they'll be aware that all the attention is on them and mightn't be so confident with their digs.

Lola you can always fall back on the MN staple of "did you mean to be so rude?". Although I think your rejoinder was perfect and you should stick with it.

People who bitch like this aren't worth your time.

or just completely ignore their comments "you look nice lola" "thanks" and then straight away you turn away or engage with someone else, not giving them an audience for their comments.

if a comment catches you by surprise you could always just be straight with them and say "i get a feeling you dont like me very much. why is that?" and wait for them to reply.

your right booyhoo , I should.

I think though that i should still be able to moan about it being a bit shit without half the ''yeah but why do you care, no one cares'' bullshit though.

Nobody cares about half of the shit people moan about on here, they tend to just ignore it though.

Strange folk to not care so much they just had to let everyone know.

That wasn't directed at you booy thank you for your advise without being rude

people can 'not care' what other people think of the way they look but still care when other people are caring. if that makes sense.

when i said i dont care. i mean i dont care what people think/say about how i look. i wasn't saying i dont care that you are upset by it.

Maybe they would rather play with their children than apply make up? Is that a problem?

I wear makeup daily. I have kids and i am a bloody fantastic mother.
I also hold down a demanding job.
BTW, OP, i agree with you. Those makeup free martyrs really annoy me.

No mainly it is quite obviously ok and not a problem.

Thing is as i said most people have their ten minutes and just spend it differently, i don't banish him to the front room for hours on end while i apply layers of purple lipstick.

IME Lola people who make wanky judgements like this do it for one of two reasons.

Either they are insecure and putting you down makes them feel better about themselves.

or

They have their heads wedged firmly up their arses and think their way if by far superior to everyone else's way.

Either way, it's their issue not yours

thats a great way to describe them forehead , they can't just not wear makeup they have to make a point out of not wearing makeup.

I was low maintenance pre dcs same post them. I've worried (unnecessarily) that ill deprive dd from being high maintenance but thankfully grungie mummy has had zero influence. She's a high maintenance gel - we celebrate that cos we love her whatever/whoever she is. Take a 'chill pill' but sympathies the 'mummy road 'is 'compare and contrast ' - well it was for me at times. It helped me to have friends with no dcs or dcs much older/younger. X. BE YOU